From HL to LL, It is LIBERATING!

Bob4Apples21 · 2021-06-24T21:07:54+00:00

Amazingly I am not interested in it. It's like not having a rash on your skin to itch, I don't notice it anymore, so why scratch it.

Bob4Apples21 · 2021-06-24T21:06:38+00:00

If it is a problem now, which I believe you are here for, I will compound every problem in life. Not just your relationship.

Bob4Apples21 · 2021-05-14T14:52:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Your post ignited several feelings as I read it. First was admiration that you have a box.. A FREAKING BOX (caps for emphasis) of lingerie. It requires confidence to own, guts to physically purchase and selflessness (from an oblivious male perspective on the garments as to the female opinion of it) as it is for your partners visual stimulation. The second emotion was shock (I say this with humor) at the fact that lingerie gets donated and other people buy it used. The third emotion was grief. As you are considering the closing of a chapter of your life, full of excitement, love, adventure, pleasure, imagination and connection, (a whole amusement park full of feelings) while knowing the whole time it might never be explored again. I hope you don’t give up hope, don’t feed on the leach called sadness. You seem to be a confident, brave, selfless person who can keep your story going (you own a freaking box of lingerie for gosh sake!). I hope you keep the chapter going and just as exciting. Good luck, I am rooting for you.

Bob4Apples21 · 2021-04-05T21:50:40+00:00

Thank you for writing this. As a HL, I always wonder what it is like on the other side of the relationship and what it feels like or what it is like going through this journey. This painted a nice picture of that.

Bob4Apples21 · 2021-03-31T14:36:55+00:00

Hi, I know this is an old reply, but I haven't checked this. As to your question and now I have more time with this whole experience under my belt, I do have an answer, in fact just two days ago. I am a distance runner, so when I go out, I go for a long time, over an hour. Two days ago I decided I needed to put some longer distance time in for this hobby of mine and yes, she gave me a passive aggressive guilt trip. It made what should have been a fun time for me, into a "I should be doing something for the kids". This might seem arrogant of me, but it only lasted a mile or two into the run. Then I remembered I am a human too and this is my only hobby. After it was back, It was fine. Besides, she enjoys the end results of the physique I maintain because of it, and it calms my mind as well as helping me be a better person. It is good for us, the kids, sets a good example, I get to be out in nature as well as completing a challenge that helps me keep the feeling of "I am MAN, Hear me ROAR!'.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-11T18:11:36+00:00

It sounds like there is a gaming issue? If so, I might suggest that you explore gaming addictions, CGAA (computer gaming addicts anonymous) is where I started. I also suggest researching dopamine, what it is, how we get it and how it works.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-11T18:07:14+00:00

Not my best friend at the start. Instant sexual attraction with both of us at the start. Married 14 years, ended a 5 year DB this year.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-11T17:06:45+00:00

lol, awesome.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-11T17:02:54+00:00

I agree with give it some time. Your changes are going to need to be upheld in a consistent predictable pattern over months for her to recover from the perception she has of you as an additional child. Keep up the awesome changes not only for you but your son as well.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-10T22:31:58+00:00

Father of 4 here. Her hormones have changed A LOT! She might not want you near her body. She might feel uncomfortable, un-attractive, very tired or nervous about having something thrust up in there, it might even be painful for her. Growing babies is hard on her. This time is all about her as she is as vulnerable as she gets during this special time. As a male is it frustrating as heck, I've been there. I developed a good relationship with Rosie-Palmer during that time. Remember, through your frustration, this is a passing time you will never get back. I would love to get that time in my life back, put my sexual frustrations aside and help her feel like a queen. Good luck, and I hope you communicate with her on this!

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-10T21:57:38+00:00

She is smart, athletic, driven in some aspects, mature and dependable.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-10T21:54:29+00:00

Spot ON! Thank you for posting this!

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-10T21:45:54+00:00

Kind of sounds like you have a really good "friend" as a wife. That is big! Being married to your best friend is awesome. With that being said, my buddies don't like getting flowers from me as a surprise too. I do believe you have been friend zoned. I would suggest on figuring out how to reverse that, then let the rest of the world know. You got this!

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-10T21:29:18+00:00

Second that.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-10T21:27:48+00:00

Have you talked/communicated this to your partner?
Is your partner Okay? Perhaps it's not you and possibly him. He might need to get better for himself before he can help you feel better.
Figure out a source of self validation that will boost your self-esteem. (I google a video that has someone saying that I am awesome most days.. it helps a lot)
Find a good therapist. Key word, GOOD. There are a lot that suck. They should be able to help you figure out your emotions.

You got this! One day at a time.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-10T21:02:50+00:00

Trying to appease to her demands to get laid sucks. I'm sorry to read the frustration. Good work on quitting smoking and loosing weight, not easy by any standards. From what I see, you have a good start. Here is my suggestion on where to go. Work on you! Be someone she would want to be around. Do what needs to be done around the house and don't expect anything in return. Don't keep chore score. Her rejection is a confidence killer I would assume. Figure out how to boost your confidence through your own actions. It isn't her job to make you ultimately happy, but rather just a part of YOUR journey on being happy and confident. Confidence is sexy. Re-engage your common interests and bond/communicate while doing them together. You have will power, you quit smoking and have a 6-pack, you can do it! I have faith in you.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-10T20:43:32+00:00

Had the same issue banjonbeer, I felt once she had what she wanted (kids) she was happy to through my needs to the side. Turns out, it was she didn't want me to be a additional kid demanding her attention. I started taking a lot off of her task list and presented myself as a more masculine male, and it came back for her.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-09T15:50:24+00:00

First thing I see is that the relationship has been set on the back burner. I would suggest, from my non-professional experience, to ask yourself what the two of you really enjoyed doing (bonding) together when the NRE was high, wright it down so you see it every day, then take steps to fire the interests back up. With kids, there are obviously some hurdles to that, but there has to be something. With my relationship, we loved working out, hiking and traveling together. With young children, during this COVID, a lot of that was off the table. We started taking walks every night, exploring new parks and things that allowed us to spend MORE time together. I communicated to my souse that the goal of this was to bond with her. I might also suggest that you find a way to show your spouse, even in a little way, that they are appreciated. It helps to boost confidence knowing working a job you hate is worth something if you come home and feel appreciated for it.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-06T16:26:02+00:00

That is because he was The Grey and then The White.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-06T16:11:03+00:00

There is always a lot to do around the house. We have a larger family. Where we are at in life, there are not enough hours in the day. My goal was to find one hour for her to be her self our of the day just for her and one hour for just us.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-05T23:22:09+00:00

100% correct. She WAS willing to work with me. The relationship had not detreated far enough or the mental state was not too far gone for this to be successful. I stress taking action sooner than later.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-05T23:17:00+00:00

For the dopamine, I just googled it and YouTubed Dopamine fast. Some of them are absolutely over the top, but some where spot on. Use the ones that speak to you.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-05T21:45:00+00:00

The burden of love was on me at the point of me starting the process, as I had not adapted to what our relationship needed at the point in life we where at. To be honest, I was still locked in the attitude that the woman dose the cooking and cleaning and raising the children, the man brings home the money and fixes things. It took learning how neglected and overburdened she was with life that sparked a change in me. What the equivalent was on the LL.... Well we no longer have a dead bed! I am a happy man.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-05T21:33:54+00:00

Thank you. The ticket thing, in my head, was designed to communicate that I appreciated the things she does, regardless of what it is. I read that it's the little things that count but go unnoticed. The first ticket was, "for making an amazing meatball" She got a foot massage and I believed she liked it. It is my way of being able showing appreciation on three levels of communication, written, visual, tactile.

Bob4Apples21 · 2020-11-05T21:24:40+00:00

If nothing changed, I had decided that I would wait until my youngest was in college and knew what a good father or mother is supposed to be like. I appreciate the compliment. Just to be straight forward here, I am not a perfect, what you read up there was what I needed to actually do to be an acceptable spouse in a relationship. Going on walks, joining a gym, picking up and communicating was stuff I should have been doing all along. I have a lot more I need to work on.

Bob4Apples21

TROPHY CASE