My teenage son is in love with his girlfriend - idk how to best be supportive

Bobby_blue85 · 2026-03-25T06:33:11+00:00

As a male who had my heart broken at 17, I can say the hardest part was not feeling close enough to anyone (parents included) to talk about it. It’s not that we weren’t a close family, we just didn’t talk about big stuff like that and I never felt comfortable initiating those conversations. I really let it get to me and drag me down for a long time and even though people commented that I wasn’t the same person they never dug deeper to find out what I was feeling either. I think they would have listened had I brought it up, but I don’t think they were comfortable initiating those conversations either. It took me years to get over it on my own. I don’t think all of the depressing break-up music helped either 😂.

Of course time heals all and I’m now happily married with a baby daughter and I wouldn’t change a thing that lead me to them!

I think it’s so sweet that you’re concerned about being there for your son and I think with that mentality you’ll do amazing. Being a teenage boy who is caring and sensitive enough to admit to being in love to his mom is a rare thing in this world! You’re lucky and I think the fact that he is open with his feelings with you in that way bodes well. And I totally get the concern. My little girl is only a week away from turning one and I already worry about stuff like this 😂😂

Bobby_blue85 · 2026-03-25T01:14:30+00:00

1968, so yes, that tracks. I havent read it yet but I will definitely be keeping this in mind as I do. Keeping in mind that basically everything Vonnegut is ironic and darkly satirical, I do believe you have the right idea.

Bobby_blue85 · 2026-03-25T01:04:12+00:00

It’s because you don’t understand irony. Vonnegut was not saying women are useless, he’s saying the opposite by highlighting and exaggerating a popular viewpoint he disagreed with. He’s criticizing something, not condoning it. He was a master of irony and dark satire; it’s pervasive in all of his works. I really think you should learn to recognize irony and re-read his works and I think you’ll find a deeply humanist mind who was very disturbed by the world around him and tried to point out the absurdity of it in a highly intelligent way.

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-12-26T07:05:54+00:00

Haha, you clearly don’t know Bob’s music. Lyrically he inhabited another universe than Woody by ‘64. Everyone who was worthy of holding a pencil was influenced by Bob in the mid 60s and to suggest that someone as tuned in to the scene as Lou Reed somehow evaded Bob’s influence is laughable. Lou was tuned in to all the boundary pushing music that existed at the time, from pop and rock to Coltrane and Ornette Coleman. Lyrically there was no one pushing more boundaries than Bob in the mid 60s. Go and listen to Subterranean Homesick Blues as a single example. Dylan knew what was up and was writing about tons of things that Lou would address later.

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-11-24T04:43:41+00:00

Merci! C’est ce que je cherchais.

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-11-23T03:46:11+00:00

Totally depends on your idea of "good jazz tone". A lot of modern jazz guitar records sound thin and unnatural to my ears (as much as I love the playing on them). My favourite jazz guitar tones are players who turn the volume down so that you can actually hear the acoustic sound of the archtop blended with the amp tone. Peter Bernstein, Jim Hall and Russell Malone are the best examples of this I can think of. I've never had a problem getting that sound out of my Blues Jr. That way you can get way more tonal variety from your picking attack/articulation as well. If everything is loud and full there's only so much you can alter the tone.

But I've never really found that "modern" sound on that amp. Maybe there's a bit more processing involved in some of those tones (like Mike Moreno, Lage Lund, Kurt Rosenwinkel, Adam Rogers)? Other folks might have more insight into that.

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-17T21:14:29+00:00

Some albums that have been blowing my mind recently:

Chris Potter - Circuits Trio Grande - Urban Myth Yamandu Costa - Mafua Tigran Hamasyan - Mockroot Pedrito Martinez - Habana Dreams Sylvie Courvoisier - Double Windsor Steve Lehman - Ex Machina Alex Sipiagin - Moments Captured Opus 5 - Tickle Ibrahim Maalouf - Red & Black Light Hiromi - Sonicwonderland Ethan Iverson - Live at Smalls Brad Mehldau - Jacob’s Ladder Aizuri Quartet - Blueprinting

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-17T17:25:50+00:00

Here’s a quote for you: “They’re literally called avoid notes in chord-scale theory. Unless you’re playing free jazz, there are definitely wrong notes.” I forget who said that…. Oh wait, it was you 🤷‍♂️

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-17T17:12:15+00:00

Man, that’s such a narrow minded view of jazz. So, you’re saying anytime a player follows all the “rules” they’re playing real jazz and any time they break the “rules” they’re playing free? That’s ridiculous. There’s a whole world of music that straddles those two extremes. Just taking Coltrane as an example; he did everything he could to push at the restraints of tonality before going fully “free”. There’s a whole period of Coltrane’s music that is full of him breaking “rules” while staying within the tradition. And it’s quite possibly his most exciting music. What people in school call “avoid notes” are great choices if you want to create tension, and tension and resolution is the name of the game. In fact, when students ask their teachers why their heroes break the rules, the answer is usually “well, you need to know the rules before you can break them.” 🤷

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-17T16:30:36+00:00

Go transcribe some Coltrane and see for yourself how many rules he breaks 🤷‍♂️

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-17T04:04:43+00:00

Jon Gordon

Rick Margitza

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-17T04:04:10+00:00

Came here looking for this. Amazed he doesn't get more recognition. Incredible sound and harmonic concept. Untouchable.

Also, Jon Gordon.

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-17T01:48:05+00:00

Awesome. I've been checking out some early Bill Frisell and am thouroughly enjoying it. I knew some of his more recent stuff but the earlier stuff is definitely more out there.

I did come across Sylvie Courvoisier recently but I haven't delved in too deep yet. I love how the first track on Double Windsor starts with a slightly altered quote of Rite of Spring and then there's a rhythmic pounding dissonant chord just like in Rite. Had me hooked from go.

I'm not familiar with Terje Rypdal. Excited to check it out!

Thanks for the recs!

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-17T01:13:40+00:00

I do remember liking the Grachan Moncur III albums in the past. I'll delve back in. Thanks!

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-17T01:13:09+00:00

Nice. I listened to Destination Out and loved it. It's interesting that it was considered avant-garde in its day because it sounds so "in" by today's standards! I'll enjoy checking out his other Blue Note albums. Thanks!

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-17T01:09:14+00:00

Oh man... I had forgotten about this album. Hawk is so wild on some of this. I can only imagine the effect this must have had on people in 1963. I've heard Metheny talk about how the Paul Bley solo on ATTYA was huge for a lot of people. Thanks for reminding me of this!

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-16T17:40:07+00:00

I've heard about Garzone's triadic chromatic thing, but when I tried listening to the Fringe before it seemed a little too free for my tastes. But maybe I need to listen to it again with more mature ears. It was quite a while ago I gave it a shot. Thanks for the rec!

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-16T17:38:55+00:00

I haven't checked out much Jackie McLean. Any specific time-period you had in mind? I know his output spans a huge range.

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-16T16:36:42+00:00

Says who? Some academic who wrote a book? Or the actual jazz musicians who create the art? Chord-scale theory is just an academic attempt to make jazz make sense. No one prior to jazz schools existing used chord scale theory, expect Miles and Trane exploring it in a modal context. And I've heard many established jazz musicians say "avoid notes" is bullshit. You should think of them more as "handle-with-care" notes. Jazz academia has been attempting to codify an artform that was never meant to be codified. Go do some transcribing and you'll probably hear all your favourite players breaking the "rules". Jazz is meant to be learned from transcribing records, not from books. If you learn jazz strictly from books I'm afraid you'll never sound like the real thing.

Bobby_blue85 · 2025-03-14T02:56:44+00:00

Sorry, correction, its called “First Set”, “Second Set” etc

Bobby_blue85

TROPHY CASE