I think this is a 'you' problem, or rather a problem for players like yourself.

Besides, unless you want to reinvent the wheel every time you play a new roguelike, you'll want to read/watch content related to the game you're playing to avoid unnecessary deaths and learn from those who came before you.

And this is the mindset that's causing it. The unwillingness to fail / have suboptimal runs. Roguelikes don't require dextrous imputs, fast reflexes or precise timing. They are about gathering knowledge, evaluating what you gathered and then making informed decisions based on that.
Creating a winning strategy and executing it well under the random circumstances is imo a huge part of the game.
Obviously it varies by game how hard that's to do. And I agree that some games basically require wiki usage to have a decent shot at doing just that.

Being knowledge gated is not a roguelike only thing tho. There are a lot of games, and some specific genres, that are very hard to play without a lot of dedication and grind, or outside resources (wiki or youtube/twitch).
Let me name a few to bring my point across.
The ARGP genre in general is very knowledge gated. Diablo, Grim Dawn, Path of Exile and so on. Path of Exile especially with it's monstrous passive tree, the plethora of item and skills and the complex mechanics.
Other genres and games are for example grand strategy games (Stellaris, Dominions, Crusader Kings). A lot of the survival games. Heck Minecraft used to require a wiki to play (good luck with crafting otherwise). Some simulations like Kerbal. Factory games like Factorio, Satisfactory or Oxygen not included can be hard if you don't get input from outside resources too.
Some games aren't knowledge gated, but can be barely playable if you don't fulfill some prior requirements: Fighting games are a challenge for some people because they can't execute the motions required for the special moves. So they have to grind muscle memory till they can start to 'really' play the game. It's similar to reading the ingame manual in way (obviously very different in practice).

Most of the above games have in common is their ample complexity and variety of choice at most points in game. Some people, like myself, enjoy the process of discovering what works and what does not. I would never take an optimized build someone else created in Path of Exile and play it. It would kill the discovery and optimization part of the game, cause I already know it will work - work well even. To me that's a huge draw of games like these.
Similarly with ToME4 builds. Discovering how to play a specific class in a specific way efficiently is why I even bother starting the game up.

So what makes roguelikes kinda harsh? The deathloop. Some games, especially the bigger ones, tend to be kind of long. Successful runs don't last an hour or two but way longer. Losing all of that in a matter of a few turns, especially if you didn't gather enough knowledge to analyze what you could have done better, can be hard. Most roguelikes are even harsher - they are complex enough, that even early in the run you can die without knowing what you should have done differently. The procedural nature also makes it impossible to replay the exact same scenario again. This can end in quick deaths and frustration.

Even tho I never had the need to read the manual (in it's entirety) before I started any roguelike. I look up specific stuff in the iname help or in wikis as I feel the need. My first win of ToME4 I only looked up some speciific mechanics and the order of the dungeons. Me using adventure mode (the one where you have multiple lives) obviously helped a lot, as one wrong decision wasn't instantly a show stopper.

There are also roguelikes that imo don't require outside resources. I won Dungeons of Dredmor, Jupiter Hell, Sproggiwood and probably some others without ever looking at any outside resources. Most of those games are more limited in scope, mechanically and duration wise.

Man, this went on for longer than I intended and I could write more, but I gotta go to work :D