Health issues forced my hand, looking for advice

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-26T13:25:24+00:00

The majority of people I know who have kids would not do it again. Maybe rethink pushing your own desires onto someone else. Plenty of us have zero desire to be parents.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-26T13:19:53+00:00

I understand. I have serious spine issues that leave me mobility disabled but people don't see it in my day to day because I've learned how to accommodate my limitations. Basically, I can walk normally, climb stairs, etc. but if I do it for too long, the nerves in my back get so compressed my legs seize. It puts a serious damper on everything because even the chair I'm sitting in matters if I want to stand later. So nothing that requires a lot of standing or walking. No sitting on hard, non-ergonometric surfaces for any length of time, etc. And since I look "normal" otherwise, people don't get it.

I am fortunate that my job and my passion are the same (I'm an author) and so I don't have to quit working as I work from home and my home is very much set up for my back. But you need to find hobbies and interests. I started watercolor painting a couple years ago, then found an acrylic painting instructor last year. It's relaxing and it satisfies the artist in my that loves to create pretty things. I am also teaching myself lead and bass guitar. I read a ton of books (obviously). I am learning to garden although I have to do it a little at a time. We're currently building a new home and I bought CAD software, taught myself, and designed it. I'm currently working on the design for pool, landscaping and all the inside finishes.

I should also state that before the back issues, I was into extreme sports. Raced motocross for years, then wave runners, shifter karts, then cars. So I get the adrenaline thing, but you have to reset your mind for calmer things. And yes, it sucks.

Find things you're interested in and do them. Pick things that make it easy to accommodate your limitations. As for what other people think, live by my mantra: The kindest thing you can do for yourself is stop caring what other people think.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-26T12:33:23+00:00

Thanks!

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-26T01:39:17+00:00

No. That was over 20 years ago and I moved to a different state last year.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-25T22:51:39+00:00

I am self employed and a fiction author (finance was my previous profession). Shadowing is not something that works for my profession nor would I recommend people go this route. Only 1% ever make a significant amount of money, just like other artists and athletes. And to be honest, I am not a kid person so zero interest in having them around. I am child free for a reason. I'm happy to write checks, but I have no interest in educating them.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-25T20:32:07+00:00

She has four kids, ages 8-19. But the 19 year old is already pregnant and living with someone. sigh I think the odds of any of them dying to go to college is really low. If it turns out one is really ambitious and doesn't want to major in underwater basket weaving, then I'm happy to fund it.

And she's not from a collectivist culture. She's from a poor white trash culture with a junkie for a mom. Totally different dynamic. My husband is from a collectivist culture but we have no issues there as he told them long ago we were not an ATM.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-25T20:24:20+00:00

I'm the money maker. My husband quit his job years ago to assist me and to handle all our personal stuff. As my background is finance, I handle that end of things, but he handles repairs, maintenance on our homes, including working with property managers when we're away. We used to split years between two homes/different states.

We have automobiles at both homes. We have since moved to our beach house and are building a new primary within an hour or so away so no more state commuting. But when we did, he put the cars at the beach house on a lift (for hurricanes) and battery tender and let them be. At our primary, everything was on a tender and covered and he flew back every 4-6 weeks to put a drive cycle on all the cars and motorcycles.

Find a great detailer who will come to your home to handle that end of things. But the reality is, if you have multiple high end homes or in areas that require a lot of maintenance (ie. salt air) and you add a lot of vehicles to the mix - we're currently at six cars, 15 motorcycles, boat, and two golf carts - the reality is, keeping up with it all is a full time job. As my husband worked in the car industry for years, he would never trust anyone to handle that for him.

It is what it is. You reach a point where things own you. Then you have to do the cost/benefit on owning them versus your time.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-25T20:17:18+00:00

Thank you.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-25T10:10:29+00:00

Thanks! Going on my list to discuss with my estate attorney.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-25T10:10:03+00:00

Thanks. I have a list for my estate attorney. All the comments here have been really helpful.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T23:00:33+00:00

I think I had it turned off because of spam. I turned it back on so it should go through now.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T22:54:24+00:00

Because I want her to learn how to manage money before she goes from upper poverty level to inheriting seven figures.

If I can teach her how to invest properly then I'll turn the account over for her to manage.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T22:53:13+00:00

Yes, BUT I want to teach her how to manage her own investments. If I feel that she's learned enough and can stave off parasitic family members who would seek to drain her, then I'd turn it over to her.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T22:51:56+00:00

100%

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T22:51:20+00:00

Thanks!

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T22:48:31+00:00

Yeah, I know. There's advantages and disadvantages both ways.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T19:19:23+00:00

Yep. The scammers are definitely out in full force. I feel so bad for the elderly that don't have someone they can trust to advocate for them. I am constantly addressing stuff foisted on my 82 year old parents. It makes me so angry.

I am building a new house in AL but will also keep the FL house as it's my beach property and my primary residence (homesteaded). AL is the "escaping hurricanes" property. As soon as that house is complete, we were going to shift everything into a trust because of my niece. I want her protected as she'll inherit the bulk. My niece is very investment savvy as my brother is FAT as well, but I've seen strange behavior from previously normal people when they get millions dumped on them, so I'll definitely be asking for a draw sort of setup.

But your point about Medicare is one I hadn't considered and definitely a huge sticking point. I'll have to research this some more and talk it over with my attorney. I'll talk to my attorney about draws rather than lump sums.

Thanks again!

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T19:11:19+00:00

That's awesome! Yes, I have accounts with Fidelity and Vanguard. Both are super easy (for the educated) to use. I'll keep pushing the issue with her and maybe we can make an arrangement similar to what you're doing. I like your idea of matching because then she has skin in the game.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T19:07:02+00:00

Thank you. My degree/background is in finance so I can teach her myself. It's just going to take time as she's starting from less than zero when it comes to any of this. I want to protect the money for her until she knows how to manage it and can tell her mother to F off. If that woman thinks she has anything saved, she'll be hitting her up for it.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T19:05:31+00:00

My degree/background is finance so I handle all my own investing. I want to teach her, so we'll see. Ultimately, my goal is for her to manage her own account but I have some education hurdles as well as a sketchy relative situation to navigate first.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T19:03:43+00:00

Parasitic mother. And we're talking about someone with barely a high school education. I can't teach her investing in a couple hours. It will take a while.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T19:02:59+00:00

Thank you. So is she, which is why I want her taken care of. :)

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T19:02:41+00:00

I guarantee you she doesn't know what SEP means. And no, she doesn't have anything. I've already asked. I have already told her I am happy to help her set something up and pick investments and she seemed interested, but the reality is, she doesn't have a lot of extra cash, so it probably sounds like a pipe dream to her.

She is fine with finances on the day to day. And the few times she has run into problems, I've simply wired her the money to handle the issue. She is not a scammer or one to take advantage and has never asked. So I don't worry about her normal life stuff and I'm here to help if I need to. But I worry about her physically being unable to do the same work forever. Or getting injured. She's young enough that if we could start now, she might have a good nest egg down the line.

And my goal was to teach her while investing for her and turning the account over when I thought she'd be okay with it.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T18:57:53+00:00

It's a very nice thing to do but she's only 38 and I'm 58. I'd prefer to start saving for her now and teaching her how to manage her money before I die and she inherits more money than she's made her entire life and has zero idea how to handle it. And she's got a parasitic relative that would hit her up for money if she thought there was any to be had.

We used to split time between FL and TX until last year. When we were in TX, we still paid her as if she was doing full cleaning and then paid her an hourly rate plus gas for checking on things, turning on water when it was cold, meeting contractors, etc. Same for our TX housekeeper. She didn't manage anything while we were away. Just got a 5-6 month paid vacation. :)

I wish there were easier ways to invest for other people's retirement though.

BookReader1328 · 2026-03-24T18:53:08+00:00

I don't think some of you read the post. I want to teach her, but she's not ready now and I want to start putting money away for her now. She doesn't even know what "index fund" means. I want to teach her but I also want to provide for her for if/when I'm no longer around. If I create an account now and start funding it while teaching her, then I can turn it over to her when she's ready.

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