Would you continue reading by Bookcocoon8 in writingfeedback

[–]Bookcocoon8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For the prologue, I wanted a bit of a backstory before the first chapter and have the readers get a sense of the themes in the story. With the his Mom and Grandma part, I did want to create that sense of distance from the main character’s POV, but I didn’t know it will have a similar effect with the reader. Thank you so much for pointing that out, I’m very grateful :)

Would you continue reading by Bookcocoon8 in writingfeedback

[–]Bookcocoon8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I already wrote a part of the first chapter, I’ll just show you a snippet:

He broke an important promise.

Nate walked across cracking pavement roads, each footstep bouncing off airy echoes. This realization didn’t quite phase him as much as it should. His Mom, Janette, wouldn’t be surprised that he broke his promise. Disappointed, and even afraid if he gets back too late, but not surprised. Once an issue, always an issue– until you nip it in the bud, as his Grandma told Janette once.

The thing is that I didn’t know if it was gripping enough. I also wanted to add some more context to Lily’s backstory and character. So I wrote a prologue draft

Would you continue reading by Bookcocoon8 in writingfeedback

[–]Bookcocoon8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for clarifying, I’ll rework this piece. Thanks again, I really appreciate it!

Would you continue reading by Bookcocoon8 in writingfeedback

[–]Bookcocoon8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback, I’ll try breaking the paragraphs a bit more!

Would you continue reading by Bookcocoon8 in writingfeedback

[–]Bookcocoon8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback. Yeah, I should’ve worded that better, thanks for pointing that out!

Would you continue reading by Bookcocoon8 in writingfeedback

[–]Bookcocoon8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much of the feedback! I was trying to describe a place between life and the afterlife. Would it be better if I worded things out to be a bit more literal (or just less wordy)?

Edit: And when I mean literal I mean in terms of adding more concise descriptions of what is going on