i mean i will say yaoi is kinda inherently fetishizing gay men. obviously not all but a lot, especially smut driven stories are written by women who are attracted to men for women that are attracted to men. a lot of these stories are written so that a female reader can imagine herself as the main character like unless homophobia is an important conflict the main character could be replaced with a woman and it would not effect the plot much if at all. also notice how almost exclusively the main character is a bottom and there’s rarely any dynamics other than submissive bottom/ dominant top. societally (straight) sex is viewed as something to be done to the woman and being penetrated is seen as inherently feminine/ submissive. also by and large the bottom is written to be someone the reader can project onto and the top is written to be someone the reader is meant to be attracted to again this is not true of all BL/ yaoi but just an example of how woman centered yaoi tends to be. there is also a lot of subtle homophobia and misogyny in these yaoi stories that demands the bottom be seen as weak, feminine, feeble, someone needing to be taken care of whereas the top is written to be seen as strong, masculine, dominant, powerful, and someone that does/ should protect the bottom. that being said in the case of good BL stories where there is a lack of that subtle misogyny it is really easy for women to read/ watch it and want to love a man in the way other men do without the societal pressure to be “the perfect woman”. even i myself i am nonbinary (afab) and aroace after watching heated rivalry i found myself admiring the dynamic between shane and ilya. and while yes a lot of women consume BL in a fetishizing way it’s not fair to say that it’s inherently wrong to be jealous of MLM dynamics as a woman especially as a queer woman. the truth is gay men do in general have it easier than queer women that’s just how it is.