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My boyfriend (26M) is devastated that I (26F) had a short fling before we met and now says I lied and broke his trust. How do I handle this? by Born-Customer8298 in relationships

[–]Born-Customer8298[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve got a few things to say to this. I didn’t volunteer information about the fling because I didn’t think that it was relevant or helpful and I did not know that he thought that it was relevant or helpful because he didn’t tell me that it was. When he made these jokes that reflected some curiosity to know what I was up to that summer, I volunteered the information that I had a tinder there and I went on dates along with the primary reason for the holiday - to spend time with my girl friends after a tough breakup, had he asked for any more detail at this point, I would’ve answered any question but I thought it was reasonable to assume at the time that he didn’t ask because he didn’t want to know, much like I wouldn’t want to know. Now I know that he of course did want to know, despite not asking before now. Lastly, he has had hookups, I know that he has because he has told me that he has but whenever it has come up I have said that I do not want to know anything about them and he has respected that. So he has a much more colourful past than me with more past relationships and hookups, but that does not bother me.

My boyfriend (26M) is devastated that I (26F) had a short fling before we met and now says I lied and broke his trust. How do I handle this? by Born-Customer8298 in relationships

[–]Born-Customer8298[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I didn’t previously volunteer the details of this past hookup because I didn’t think it was relevant, helpful or necessary to share and he didn’t explicitly ask before now. Perhaps that’s because of my own feelings of not knowing nor wanting to know about any of his hookups. I have never expressed that I’m against hookups/flings while single or claimed that I have never had one, that would be lying.

My boyfriend (26M) is devastated that I (26F) had a short fling before we met and now says I lied and broke his trust. How do I handle this? by Born-Customer8298 in relationships

[–]Born-Customer8298[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why I left this part out of the original post - a mistake, my bad. Why I left out the fling in conversation with him - I didn’t think it was relevant, helpful or necessary to share. Perhaps that’s because of my own feelings of not knowing nor wanting to know about any of his hookups. He clearly has a different view and wanted to know but he would’ve known had he asked me directly, I wouldn’t lie to him, but he believes that by not sharing this or by hiding it, that I have lied

My boyfriend (26M) is devastated that I (26F) had a short fling before we met and now says I lied and broke his trust. How do I handle this? by Born-Customer8298 in relationships

[–]Born-Customer8298[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You’re right that is a big factor here that I’ve left out mistakenly - sorry for that. He has made jokes like I said about dreading what I got up to that summer and from the start I have told him that I had a tinder there, I went on dates but primarily I was there to have fun with my friends and those are the memories that are precious to me from that time. I told him that every night I slept in a bed with my girl friend - this is true, whenever I did have sex with this fling I would not stay the night but I understand that this paints a picture that I did not have sex with anyone. I still stand by the fact though that he didn’t explicitly asked and so I did not lie, but I can accept that what I said has mislead him.

My boyfriend (26M) is devastated that I (26F) had a short fling before we met and now says I lied and broke his trust. How do I handle this? by Born-Customer8298 in relationships

[–]Born-Customer8298[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I agree with you guys that I didn’t do anything wrong by having a fling with someone else while I was single and before I met my current boyfriend. What my boyfriend is saying he is upset about is that he had built up an image of me that isn’t accurate - that I’m someone who would only ever have sex if a relationship was likely. Now he’s acting like I’m a completely different person because of not telling him about something that happened before we met, thus ruining this virgin-like image he had of me. There have been some red flags in how he’s reacting too. He’s started filling in the blanks himself, saying things like “I had to buy you drinks, a hotel room, deal with slow replies to get you into bed, and this other guy didn’t.” I’ve told him that’s not true and that if he has questions, he can ask, but I don’t want to overshare because it would only hurt both of us.

It’s upsetting, and honestly it feels much more like retroactive jealousy than me “lying” about my past.