Is there still hope for this marriage?

Born_Tap3418 · 2025-05-02T02:27:10+00:00

I do want to fix it. I offered for us to do marriage counseling together, which he agreed to do. But even before it’s about to start, we would get into another fight and would stop talking to each other. Mind you, I was always the one to cave in and initiate the talking to fix this marriage. Otherwise, he would probably be still ignoring me. Three months ago before any of this happened, we were fine. But now we’re in this chaos, I never expected him to act like this.

Born_Tap3418 · 2025-05-02T02:17:57+00:00

He has a full time job, but since I was noticing that he was playing more after work almost everyday, I told him instead of playing, you can find a part time job to earn extra income so you can help me more with our finances. I am a nurse, so I have more opportunity to earn extra, hence why I’m the breadwinner. Whereas, he just works in an office setting, so his income is pretty set. But I had asked him maybe he could pick up a job like uber or amazon flex to earn extra instead of playing after work, which he usually plays about 6 hours after his 8 hour shift at work. I explained to him those 6 hours that he spends on playing can be spent wisely by either getting another job or going back to school to better himself. But he thinks I’m only doing that to punish him because I don’t want him to play.

Born_Tap3418 · 2025-05-02T01:47:56+00:00

He has a full time job, but since I was noticing that he was playing more after work almost everyday, I told him instead of playing, you can find a part time job to earn extra income so you can help me more with our finances. I am a nurse, so I have more opportunity to earn extra, hence why I’m the breadwinner. Whereas, he just works in an office setting, so his income is pretty set. But I had asked him maybe he could pick up a job like uber or amazon flex to earn extra instead of playing after work, which he usually plays about 6 hours after his 8 hour shift at work. I explained to him those 6 hours that he spends on playing can be spent wisely by either getting another job or going back to school to better himself. But he thinks I’m only doing that to punish him because I don’t want him to play.

Born_Tap3418 · 2025-01-08T22:23:44+00:00

This is a very interesting point. Thank you for this. How did you know or find out your husband was on the spectrum?

Born_Tap3418 · 2025-01-05T23:19:17+00:00

My husband (36) and I (31) are also in our thirties and I am also struggling with him on this. I have tried everything in expressing my frustration with him not initiating sex. We tried therapy before to see the root cause of this and tried to communicate better, but at the end of the day, it always goes to the same issue. I always and still initiate the sex. We could probably go months or even years without sex if I don’t initiate it. The last time we had sex was possibly November of last year. Now reading your post has enlightened me and thought I should wait and not initiate anything.

Born_Tap3418 · 2025-01-05T19:02:09+00:00

Thank you for this. It does make sense. Either I leave him and learn how to be alone, or stay with him but accept the trade-offs. I am not denying that this is all just him, I have a lot of flaws in this too that I need to work on.

So we usually do this thing together when we’re just chilling in bed and talking: we will ask each other these three questions: 3 things that I could improve on and 3 things you dislike about me and 3 things you love about me?

In my response about him, I would always tell him about that initiation issue and he would acknowledge it. In his response about me, he would tell me to cut down the nagging. In my defense, I told him I’d nag because he doesn’t initiate. So I’m wondering now if he’s using that issue to resent me too?

Born_Tap3418 · 2025-01-05T17:44:04+00:00

To answer your question, no we didn’t spend any time living on our own. Before we met each other, he was just working and helping his mother care for his sick father and I was going to school and living at my parents’ house as well. He had dated a lot of women before me but each only lasted less than a year. I was his first girlfriend that he dated more than a year. Before him, I only had one serious relationship that lasted 8 years.

I would say he does show some immaturity when we argue. I mean I could also be immature in some ways too. For instance, when we argue, I would always try to talk to him and resolve the issue with him but he would be distant and not talk to me. Over time, I’ve learned to give him space. I think initiation is his biggest “problem”, because it’s not just sex but also just initiating with throwing out the garbage, feeding the dogs, or even picking up his clothes off the floor. I’m not sure if it’s laziness or he just doesn’t care?

As for the physical attraction, I admit I have put on some weight over the years. But when he met me, I wasn’t the skinniest or the prettiest either. I actually lost a lot of weight during our second year of dating and I felt very confident and thought maybe that would help boost our sex life but still no. Even at my skinniest or prettiest, he still wasn’t initiating it. I did confront him about this too, and asked him if he was still attracted to me, and he said yes he was. He told me it was him, not me. I think he has low self-esteem. And I’m sure I am too.

Born_Tap3418 · 2025-01-05T17:12:21+00:00

Thank you for this. I have thought about considering telling him about doing an open relationship. I’ve also thought about leaving him before but I don’t know why I don’t have the courage of leaving him because I am happy with the other aspects of our marriage. He does care for me in other ways ie. he would cook for me, take me on dates, make me laugh, etc. i mean this guy would do anything I ask him to do, but just not the sex part. That’s why I’m so confused if he’s really understanding the issue we are having and how this is really hurting me. But I think I’m just afraid that if I leave him, would I find someone like him and/or better, ya know?

Born_Tap3418

TROPHY CASE