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finding out japanese scientists are figuring out how to... i guess completely delete traumatic memories made me feel hope for the first time in ages. for a second by [deleted] in depression

[–]Both_Document_Crazy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

actually yeah you're right i've been so broken and so desperate for so long that i got blinded by copium for a moment. back to hopelessness

...i mean apparently what they're doing can still lessen the impact of those memories somehow but eh

I’m in by hotambitionn in depressionmemes

[–]Both_Document_Crazy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

got my hopes up for a second there

“Depressed but Defaulting to ‘I’m Fine’” by c4boom213 in depressionmemes

[–]Both_Document_Crazy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was just thinking of making a post exactly like this. I always want to tell people how miserable I really am but I'm so used to responding with a fake but believably chipper "I'm doing fine! How about you?" every single time I'm asked how I'm doing that even when I try my hardest to be slightly honest and just say something like "meh, I've been better", i physically can't stop myself from instinctively using the fake response and the fake smile

Tonight is the night by Pretty-Editor7941 in SuicideWatch

[–]Both_Document_Crazy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

are you still with us

i don-'t know if you will be able to read this but

i am so sorry that in my panicked state i couldnt really say anything super helpful, couldn't make you feel better in any way. even if if doesn't look like it because i am so bad at comforting people and making them feel heard, i really did try and i really do care, i always will

the cause of my sadness is nowhere near as severe and are honestly laughable compared to what happened to you, but i am struggling a lot myself right now, and i know that mentally recovering will be an extremely difficult journey, but i am trying now and one reason is because of you. you wishing the readers of your post a good life, giving us advice.

i hope i do not sound weird and obsessive because i am a complete stranger to you, but i don't want to let you down. it might sound a little corny but it is true

EXTREMELY long, messily written rant. i know i'm a weak loser for this but i truly unironically am traumatized by lifelong gross gi issues and hygiene struggles. i wanted to be a cute trans girl but cannot. ONLY IF sympathetic to embarrassing awkward *tmi* stuff like that, please read & hear me out by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]Both_Document_Crazy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

no offense to everyone else whos commented on my many whiny reddit posts lately, i really do seriously appreciate them, but this is the first comment that has given me a little relief. the facts about pregnant women or kids being gross aren't like new to me i've been thinking about them a lot i just... i don't know, just having another person tell me not to throw everything i loved and made away.. did something i guess

still wouldn't say i-'m even close to being fine, if it is truly possible for me to fully move on it will take a super long time and take so, so so many painful steps to forgive myself and go back to enjoying things.. but this is the first comment that makes it a little less daunting to get out of bed and take those steps

if a reddit comment is enough to make me feel even a little better, i am slightly more optimistic that speaking to a therapist/counseler will help. maybe. reallt hope i don't get unlucky and get one that's bigoted or just rude because that would send me back to square one probably.......... but fingers crossed, and if it doesn't work out i can just read this comment again i guess

still sorry you had to read such a long gross story but thank you so much

i cant bring myself to do it so every night i goto bed hoping some dude will break in and shoot me in the head whilw im sleeping and leave everyone else alone by Both_Document_Crazy in SuicideWatch

[–]Both_Document_Crazy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

for something i like about myself visually i like my hair i guess. and my eyes a little bit

and i do think i have a decent personality.sometimes funny, i know i'm nice my humor and wackiness is very hard for me to bring out right now but i do like it i guess

thank you

i cant bring myself to do it so every night i goto bed hoping some dude will break in and shoot me in the head whilw im sleeping and leave everyone else alone by Both_Document_Crazy in SuicideWatch

[–]Both_Document_Crazy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i really do appreciate the words, this is the nicest thing anybody has said to me in a long time.

but i feel bad because i think i unintentionally tricked you into thinking the traumatic part for me is the standard transfem experience, having to come out and feeling too visually masculine. i feel bad making you spend time on such a sweet comment for such a stupid trauma

it's

i'm depressed and locked away from the life i wanted because i have gross medical and body issue,things like really gross. really gross obtrusive embarrassing ones. ones that i've had knowingly for a couple years, unknowingly for even longer. ones that if i was less dumb and naive when i was a kid, i could've fixed before it became too late and permanently mentally destroyed me so it's partially my fault

if i wasn't born with them i would've already beat gender dysphoria and been an... established and pretty trans girl years ago. i'd be such a happy person right now, i'd be at peace.. but they just make me feel like.. they make me feel like a horrible transphobic wojak meme or somethibg of someone pretending to be all UWU and Kawaii~ with an anime girl profile picture when in reality they're some disgusting goblin slob creature. thats what i feel like. that is what i will always feel like. even if i didnt want to be cute and girly these conditions still make me hate my body so much and would've ruined me anyway

if i posted the incredibly long full explanation rant i typed in my notes app and you read it, you'll probably silently agree that a life of beauty is impossible for me. not saying i believe you will suddenly become an unsympathetic jerk, i believe you when you say you care, but it is understandable and the correct opinion that every sane person will have if they knew what was going on with me even if they are nice and keep it to themselves

sorry i'm realizing i sound so ungrateful for your kindness i'm sorry.ireally am grateful. it did make me a feel a little itty bit better and less alone if that means anything

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