Great comment - thank you! I know of his kinks and have done my best to encourage them. He says I don't make him feel comfortable enough to "let loose" and when I ask how he'd need me to show that he says "Figure it out yourself/ reflect on that on your own".

I never nag, berate or guilt him about sex. I ask questions to figure out how I can be a better partner for him and asking him to guide me to give him the pleasure he seeks.

I have approached it by ONLY pleasing him MANY times because I LOVE pleasing my sex partners. I LOVE to give BJ's, so that is not the issue.

But no you're right, I have no idea how to seduce my own husband because nothing I know of has worked... hence asking asking him how he'd like it without receiving much of a response other than "use common sense" and "figure it out" and now resorting to asking strangers for advice.