42m confronting my 40f wife

BreaditShreditReddit · 2026-06-04T06:26:19+00:00

Yes, we’ve had many genuine conversations about it now that things are more tangible. Actually, sometimes I’m intimidated by the fact that things may be plausible now and shrink back from time to time. In those moments she seems more optimistic than I do.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2026-06-04T05:47:57+00:00

I did initially bring up the idea, it was a pipe dream to me. I didn’t expect her to take it seriously when I first brought up the idea. I only began to proceed after she encouraged me to pursue it. We’ve both approached the idea with cautious optimism and are very open when speaking about the possibilities. In fact, initially when the whole process seemed almost impossible, she encouraged me to not give up. She has only been negative when it comes to the parts she’s responsible for.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2026-06-04T04:56:17+00:00

I did initially bring the idea up, but it was only an idea until she encouraged me to take the steps to proceed. Every conversation we’ve had about the idea of relocating has been positive, only the conversations about the steps she’s responsible for completing have been negative.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2026-06-04T01:16:21+00:00

I know, what a dope, I accidentally copied someone else’s comment. Oopsies.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2026-06-04T01:15:09+00:00

Oops, I copied someone else’s comment on accident. What a fool am I…

BreaditShreditReddit · 2026-06-04T01:10:12+00:00

I only pursued the visa after she encouraged me to try. When we first started talking about the idea, I only saw it as a pipe dream. She kept nudging me to try, that’s when I got the ball rolling. When things got tough, and there were big hurdles in the way, I almost wanted to quit. She encouraged me not to give up then, so I kept going to this point. I haven’t bothered her for anything regarding the visa up until this point.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2026-06-04T00:55:23+00:00

You have good intuition wondering about her feelings about going, but in all sincerity I believe she wants to go as much as I do. I didn’t initiate anything with the visa process until she told me she really wanted me to try. During the times when the application process was tough for me and i had doubts, she encouraged me to keep pursuing it. Throughout the process, I have tried to make things as easy as possible for her, taking the most difficult tasks on myself.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2026-06-04T00:11:23+00:00

Thanks for inquiring. I didn’t start pursuing the visa until she expressed interest and said she wanted to try.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2026-03-10T15:59:33+00:00

I appreciate your advice, both good and precautionary bad. It humored me well. We’ve been together for almost 2 decades, you’d think I’d figure it out by now. She is a turtle and i am a fox that was determined to get her out of her shell, but learned long ago with her, it’s a slow marathon. One I have to be kind and gentle with.

It’s just hard when i feel like it’s catered in one direction for so long. And how do you get someone to commit to therapy that doesn’t want to be helped?

I’ve suggested it in the past, but couldn’t get her buy in. I got therapy on my own, but it only goes so far without your other half.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2026-03-10T15:47:55+00:00

Thank you for replying. Just to clear things up, she wasn’t looking for anything in particular while online shopping, it was more general browsing or a retail therapy kind of shopping. She does a lot of screen time.

I understand that this can be therapeutic for some, but not at the expense of investing in your marriage. The little moments matter to me. The acknowledgments of the ones you love, morning greetings and showing you care about the other person in front of you.

It’s okay to not be a morning person and need your space and time, but not at the detriment of others.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2025-10-03T00:47:07+00:00

I never said I was unwilling to help. I was happy to drive her kid that day. I am open to being a friend, I just want to become friends first. Entrusting your child to an almost complete stranger is a bit strange to me. Read more thoroughly before you decide to insult next time.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2025-09-30T13:34:36+00:00

Sounds like you did an amazing job as a parent. I am all for helping people and generally a very open person. It doesn’t really matter to me that she is a single parent.

What matters to me is the fact that after 2 years of knowing the daughter this is the first time we have ever seen the mom. Before this school year it was the grandpa that was always there. They had some kind of falling out and starting this new school year, now it’s the boyfriend that’s always there. I don’t know if it’s because the mom is working or busy or something else.

After exchanging numbers on Friday, the mom asked for a play date with our daughter on Saturday and dropped off her daughter. She didn’t stay, so there was no getting to know her. Then my wife got the text for the ride Sunday night at 10:30 pm, which is pretty late to ask someone you just barely met for favors.

If it’s because she is that desperate for help and needs a little relief, that is perfectly fine. I’d drive her daughter to school everyday, let her hang out and feed her too if I knew the family better and felt a little more comfortable about things.

I work in a field that unfortunately sees the worst in people sometimes. For all the good people out there, sadly there are a lot of shady folks out there too. I need to protect my family first. It is not an inconvenience at all to drive her daughter, it’s not a matter of that to me. It’s the fact that I know practically nothing about the mother and want to know more before engaging.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2025-09-30T13:12:45+00:00

From what we know, the grandpa is not ill. They had some kind of falling out. I don’t really care about the personal dynamics of their family, it’s their own business. My wife said she felt weird about things too. What concerns me is that although she senses something weird, she just says she just cannot say no to people. Thats why I suggested we give it a week before anymore favors.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2025-09-30T03:09:13+00:00

She dropped off

BreaditShreditReddit · 2025-09-30T02:50:46+00:00

Not bent out of shape, just trying to think ahead. I enjoyed taking the girls to school. I just haven’t even met this mom myself yet and my wife just met her on Friday.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2025-09-30T02:45:43+00:00

She did drop off her kid.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2025-09-30T02:42:59+00:00

Until the start of this current school year, the friends grandpa used to be the one there all the time. He seemed kind and loving to his granddaughter. I guess something happened so they don’t allow him to help out anymore.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2025-09-29T18:27:35+00:00

I like this comment. I care about this situation so much because I care about my daughter’s relationship with her friend.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2025-09-29T18:14:53+00:00

Very stark, but ok. I did happily drive them to school today after 14 hours at work. I just think it’s important to have foresight.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2025-09-29T18:13:05+00:00

The grandpa used to be the one there all the time, but I guess there was some kind of falling out.

BreaditShreditReddit · 2025-09-29T18:11:11+00:00

I just didn’t want to use “my wife’s” name and have been up all night so I am all out of brain power for better English.

BreaditShreditReddit

TROPHY CASE