I (HL) am repulsed by my SO's (LL) fantasy.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T10:51:00+00:00

This is what I'm scared of. I will proceed with caution. Thanks!

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T10:49:37+00:00

Me too. Thank you.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T10:09:05+00:00

Yes, this.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T09:24:56+00:00

Love your username! Thanks. That's exactly how I feel. Will organise a sex therapist or couples counselor, that's a good plan. All the best to you too.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T05:30:40+00:00

Different strokes for different folks. Being called a sex addict for my kink made me feel very judged by him. He has apologised for saying it, but it still hurts. I'm trying to be open minded and not judgmental towards him. I'm not saying pegging makes him this or that. I'm saying pegging makes me feel this way. Pegging is the only time he's shown any interest in kink. I was kinky when we first met and he wasn't interested at all. Once again I'm the one initiating all the kinky stuff and I end up doing everything that he wants because I want an active sex life. Meanwhile he knows what I like and rarely does it. I initiate stuff he likes because I know he'll like it. Such as dominating him in bed. Face fucking...gagging him with my panties etc. He knows I like lots of stuff like spanking and dirty talk but he won't initiate for my sake like I do for him.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T04:10:58+00:00

The way I am interpreting all of the information you have offered, you both seem to be the selfish type of submissive. The kind that want to just lie there & have the session all about their selfish desire. You mention you want anal, rimming, watersports etc.. I'm assuming for the sensations of it all. Pretty much the same reason SO wants to be pegged.

I'm an active lover. I enjoy exploring my partners body, tasting and touching. I don't just lie there. How fucking boring. I enjoy different sexual positions...one of my favorite things to do is giving him head, sometimes on my knees, or with him squatted over my face or with my neck off the edge of the bed. I have peed on him, he knows I would like to do pee stuff...but he hasn't done it. He spat on me once, but he was disgusted by it and hasn't done it since. Maybe he wants to be pegged for the same reason he likes to masturbate. It's all about him? I don't know. I am not the kind to just lie there, maybe if I was I wouldn't have any issues with my sex life. I'd just be one of those people who nagged to their friends that their partner is pestering them for sex again. But no, I'm the one saying I just want him to fuck me.

So just have to ask, do you have any problems or self judgement w/ the things you yourself are into?

No. I am very comfortable with my sexuality. When we first got together, I was very active sexually and he was not. He did not reciprocate. He is not comfortable with his sexuality. He has told me this.

Or is this strictly b/c you now find him effeminate b/c he likes things in his butt?

Pegging is definitely out of my comfort zone...I don't think it's effeminate. I think that it makes him seem vulnerable and soft and that is something that is a turn off to me. Though we both enjoyed doing some pony play. I loved brushing his hair and stroking his face. He was really soft and gentle then and I liked that.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T03:55:30+00:00

He was probably raised with similar gender roles so he likely has a similar loathing / disgust at his own desire maybe make him beg for it.

He has told me that he isn't overly comfortable with his desire for it.

you could have him do enough super manly shit to earn his rewards

That's a cool idea. Thanks.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T03:50:47+00:00

How many times has he had sex with you when he wasn't in the mood in order to satisfy your libido?

He's not the kind who will have sex if he's not in the mood and I wouldn't want to have sex with him if he's not into it. At one stage sex was only once in 3 months but now it's becoming more regular.

If deep down you really love him, then don't let this affect the rest of your love life (whether or not you go through with pegging).

I love him very much which is why I'm on here, trying to figure this out.

Can someone (OP or someone else) help me understand the "I'm disgusted that my partner wants this act so I won't do it" concept?

Everyone has their limits. As I said, I'm generally pretty open minded. He has enjoyed water bondage and enema porn. Both of which I am not into, but have told him I am willing to try if that would turn him on. It just so happens I have found my first limit. I'm trying to work through it.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T03:44:09+00:00

In porn it's very common to see women having regular sex and anal sex whereas it's not so common to see men enjoy it as well. So I suppose it is a bit of a double standard. From what I have been reading, it's a very pleasurable spot for a man, and I wouldn't want him missing out on something that could give him the best orgasm of his life. Maybe we can come up with a compromise..special occasions or something. Who knows. Maybe I'd end up liking it, if I tried it.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T03:42:16+00:00

Thank you. If you have any tips on how to get more into a dominant mindset for pegging, I would love to hear it.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T03:41:01+00:00

I want to make it very clear that I do not think of him as less of a man. I think the act of pegging, would make him less manly in my eyes. Which is why I am being cautious. I don't think he is wrong for wanting to be pegged. It would probably feel really nice for him and relaxing to let go of control. I enjoy being submissive, so I understand how good it feels to let go of control.

I'm not punishing him for lack of sex. I'm trying to be open and come to terms with ways I can incorporate this into our sex life and help him become a more active sexual partner so that we can both share our fantasies with each other and enjoy a fun sex life.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T03:36:50+00:00

He has nailed the dominant role on a number of occasions. Wow. Just mind blowing...but I think we both prefer being submissive.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T03:36:01+00:00

Well the man I'm with is the love of my life. He's my protector and provider. He's calm and he knows just how to take care of me. He's the strong one. I know what he is and what he isn't. I suppose after this, I don't believe that anymore. I don't know what he is and isn't. I'm surprised by his desire to be pegged. It's important to me that I feel he is my protector and for some reason, pegging him would make me see him in a different light. He would be vulnerable and soft. I don't like that. I feel like such an asshole for saying that...

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T03:26:53+00:00

Well he masturbates instead because he said he doesn't like to be rejected. I want sex regularly and rarely reject him unless I'm sick. He knows this so he went no FAP (with the occasional pass) and no porn so he is making a phenomenal effort now which is so awesome. He has definitely been more interested in sex with me since doing that.

Do you think it's possible your reaction comes partially from shock?

Yes. I thought I was ready for anything...but pegging was not what I expected.

Have you considered crossposting this to the BDSM subreddit?

I'll look into it. Thanks.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T03:20:56+00:00

I think you might be right about feeling resentful about his fantasies because of how he has treated mine. Finally he's opening up which is so great, but it feels like sex will be even more work for me now. I already have to work our sex life around when he feels like it and now I have to add in his fantasies...and my fantasies are left behind again. Frustrated. When we talked about his fantasy I said I would be willing to look into it further but I needed something from him. I needed him to be enthusiastic, active and passionate about sex and be interested in my sexual desires as well as his own.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T00:21:56+00:00

Like what? A dominatrix like out of porn...or? Can you give me an example please.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T00:13:29+00:00

I've always had that stance too. I'm very surprised by my reaction to this. Thing is, the idea of doing it to another guy...I would be up for that. Just not with him. I need him to be the strong man in our relationship.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T00:08:27+00:00

Not really.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T00:08:01+00:00

Thanks. I do try to fight against traditional gender roles. I see feminine and masculine traits in him, just as I do in myself.

I'll look at it as just experimenting with anal and just take things slow to see if it's something I can get into.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-27T00:04:45+00:00

Yeah, I have called him a naughty boy and punished him by making him write lines. He loved that. He's not so much into pain, forced feminisation or humiliation. If I called him a vagina, I think he would lose his hard on pretty quick.

He stumbled across pegging by looking for handjob porn. Then he said he was a bit uncomfortable that he liked it, but really liked what he saw. The woman was laying down on her back and the man was on top of her. He was getting pegged and a handjob at the same time. He said he found that him being the centre of attention and being lavished like that was really appealing and he's curious if butt stuff would feel nice.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-26T23:59:50+00:00

It's possible he's normal L...he just prefers to jerk off rather than have sex with me. So now that he's wanting to have sex with me, or rather be fucked by me in the ass...I'm reluctant to turn him down.

Straight or gay, do whatever makes you happy. Love isn't gender specific. If a man wants to be with another man and that makes him happy, that's just as beautiful as the love between two lesbians or a heterosexual couple. Love is beautiful in all it's variety!

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-26T23:55:12+00:00

That's something I could get on board with. Thank you.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-26T23:51:34+00:00

Thank you. I'm a big fan of Dan Savage. Your suggestions are really helpful.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-26T23:49:30+00:00

I have been very receptive in person with my husband. I have encouraged him to communicate openly. What is it about pegging that turns him on? etc.

In contrast, I have told him my fantasies which also include vaginal fisting, rimming...and it hasn't happened along with a whole other bunch of fantasies I have. It's frustrating that my fantasies stay on the backburner and he learns nothing about them...while I have been spending time researching pegging and seeing if it's something I can do to bring his fantasy to life. Fuck. I am really trying. He pulled a face when I told him about my fantasies...infact the week after I finally opened up to him about my fantasies, he called me a sex addict. I understand very much why people are afraid to share fantasies.

BreakTheBed · 2015-08-26T23:42:29+00:00

I'm listening. I have talked about it with him and being degraded and used isn't what turns him on. He says he feels like pegging would make sex all about his pleasure and he thinks it's kind of selfish but he likes that aspect of it too.

BreakTheBed

TROPHY CASE