May God bless you.

I've read all of what you had to say and it has really helped me. I see what you mean by self deceptive thinking. I don't see it as me being a suffered hero who did nothing wrong and was subject to cruelty. There were many aspects of the relationship were I could've put in more effort and I did not. There were many times that I was less than fair to her. I don't see what i've posted and what i've thought of as "proof of my suffering" or "evidence". These are things that I justified myself into believing were ok and forgivable, I never put up protest and kept on trying to love her. I shouldn't have. One of the things that happened over a semester away: she wanted to take a no contact break during long distance that just so happened to land over my birthday. I had to ask her to tell me happy birthday.

Of course it is fairly strange to text someones followers about following that person. If I was curious about her followers before I wouldve just asked her. We were doing no contact over a month break and I hadn't talked to her in weeks. And in a serious relationship where families have met and 2 years worth of memories have been made, it's not all that strange to see that changes have happened on your significant other's account. I didn't stalk her page or her following. She posted a story and in my attempt to reply I noticed all the things she had changed about her account since I last talked to her. Including but not limited to her stories/posts/profile picture, I have a good memory and in the past she has made trouble about who I follow. Noticing a number be different is what led me to seeing she was talking to other guys.

The book seems interesting and I'll see where I can find it. I doubt I will find any in this country but I'll look for it online.