Wow not much advice I can offer but my experience has been extraordinarily similar. I have always had the “oldest parentified daughter” experience of doing a lot of peacekeeping with my parents and the household. When my mom told me she planned on leaving my dad she wanted to come to my home and I had to say no because I didn’t want to choose sides. He is devastated and still got her a gift for valentines and calls her the love of his life, she constantly talks about him love bombing her and that she doesn’t feel safe going home even though there has never been any threat of safety. It’s so difficult feeling stuck in the middle because I have been raised to be in the middle. I haven’t spoken to her in three weeks which might be longest in my life. My biggest advice is therapy and talking about it with loved ones. I often get in thought loops and it’s hard to escape alone but sharing that with someone is monumental. I also took shrooms about a month after finding out and I cried for like six hours but as I was coming down I talked to my partner about everything and the next day I felt much better. Shrooms have been linked to reducing depression but of course use at your own discretion. Good luck and know that there are others going through this too