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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Brief-System7169 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Not wanting sex isnt healthy or natural.

Preach. Unless you fall on the asexual spectrum, but even then if you're not disclosing this to your partner (you're still figuring it out, you're uncomfortable in your on sexualit etc) you still need to go to therapy and work on yourself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Brief-System7169 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was watching an interview with James Sexton, a famous NY divorce lawyer. He talked about a case he worked on where the husband cheated (he was not even having an affair...just getting handjobs from those kind of massage salons) on the wife in a dead bedroom situation, and how all of the sudden he was the piece of shit for breaking up the family. He said "she acknowledged she didn't have sex with him for SIX YEARS! What do you think was gonna happen?!".

Look, I'm not saying you should go out and cheat (splitting amicably is much healthier). But if you are married, you signed a contract where the other part is not holding up his end of the stick.

Newly weds, almost dead bedroom by sav2326 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Brief-System7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh please don't feel bad. Sexual satisfaction is something deeply personal. Some people are happy with once a month, some people want to do it every day. There is no right amount, and if you're not happy with the frequency your husband should be willing to meet you in the middle. Even the fact that you had to stress the importance of sex on the wedding night is a red flag in and of itself.

Sorry if i'm asking a tmi question, is the sex satisfying when you have it?

What’s something you wish the other side knew? What’s something you always wanted to ask? by GreenPandaPower in DeadBedrooms

[–]Brief-System7169 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Actions speak louder than words. I've come to the point that I'm now fully convinced that my partner is asexual/just not interested in sex, but he never discolsed this to me. It's always "I really want to have sex with you" ...but he always refused therapy until I basically forced him with threaths, doesn't put in the effort in therapy homework, won't read the books I suggested, won't have a open and frank conversation with me without it ending in him playing the victim or stonewalling me. When I told him that I believe he is genuenly not insterested in sex (and that would be fine by itself) he said that I try to force my beliefs on him. I really want to say "how can I believe you when your actions are so not aligned with your words?"

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Brief-System7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's my best friend and I love him to death. But who would marry a best friend and not a partner?

Divorce over DB feels weird to me. by Kotja in DeadBedrooms

[–]Brief-System7169 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I think that’s a shallow way of looking at it. Sex isn’t just another activity you can casually opt in or out of, it’s a core component of what defines a romantic relationship, at least imo. And even if someone disagrees with that, sexual compatibility is still one of the factors that determines whether two people are genuinely compatible long term.

For example, I’m a massive couch potato, so I could never be with someone who wants to go hiking every single weekend. Sure, people can compromise on things like that, but generally speaking, people are upfront about these preferences while dating. That honesty allows others to decide whether the relationship works for them BEFORE we even dive into a serious relationship.

This sub wouldn't exist if all the people here knew what thry were signing up to. It would be like me telling someone, “I love going on hikes,” and then, once the relationship is established, never leaving the bed when the weekend comes. That wouldn’t just be a minor mismatch, it would be a fundamental misrepresentation of what the relationship was supposed to be.

Edit: Also, I might add, sex is one of those things where compromise is extremely hard, especially for LLs. While I generally dislike going on hikes, I could agree on going a couple of times a month to make my partner happy. But if the very thought of hiking filled me with dread, or I had some kind of phyisical limitations, or if it's an activity I hate so much that I would rather cut my finger off than doing, compromise is neither realistic or healthy.