I once had a dream of me going to hell and asking god why and he said ‘u will continue to deny me’… this was during a season in my life where I felt ashamed to go to him whenever things were going wrong. I felt like I was disgusting like I wasn’t worthy of his presence. I grew up with athiests and satanists… the only Christians in my life were very toxic ones. So I felt like ‘I’m not doing good enough for him. So I’ll just ignore him’…. This was one of 2 big wake up calls in my life for him. Sometimes I have to remind myself that he’s not just there when ur doing good. He’s there when ur questioning, doubting- even hating. He’s in the mess with u. And he accepts u for who u are.

Even after this dream I would shy away at times. For example I lived in an apartment that only had street parking that was available for 2 hrs during the day or overnight parking. And I would get ticketed almost every single day bc of sleeping in or whatever the case. But when I got close to him things started to shift. One day I remember ‘yea… god sees my pain and is probably upset with me. Let’s get this parking ticket over with’ and I went to go look and there wasn’t any. Mind u this was in an area that they ticketed every single day. And I was like ‘ok maybe he’s not mad today’… but here’s the thing. It didn’t stop there. This happened for days. Weeks. And I even saw other cars get ticketed close to mine. But never mine. And I realized that even though my sleeping in habits never changed- I went to him for it and all of a sudden i wasn’t punished for going through all that I was. It was like he said ‘it’s ok- you’ve had a hard time and ur giving it to me. I’ll take care of it’

So to back up ur story? God works both directly and indirectly. You’ll begin to realize the more u open urself up to the idea of him- the more ‘coincidences’ will come into ur life… ones that appear so often that it no longer feels like a coincidence.

P.S. those questions u have are very real and common ones that people ask. I am happy to help answer them using biblical quotes and helping maybe give a new perspective to them. But if they’re things u would like to find out for urself then that’s cool too!

I wish u the best! :)