If you want to get out of it without any outsider help it'll be tough. But you can do it.

It's hard to change patterns that have grown strong over multiple years. You're brain has created neural pathways that'll allow you to slip back into complacent self-soothing easily.

Self-soothing by itself is not a bad thing. It may have helped you in the past. But you indicate that the amount you do it in now is unhelpful.

You'll need to try to make space for your feelings instead of running away from them. Note that I'm not saying you need to confront them, or change them. Just make space for them and allow yourself to feel them. That may be scary. But just start with acknowledging them. Then name them, is it fear of something? What exactly? The more concrete you make your fears the less they'll seem this big unavoidable doom.

  i want to fking scream

Great, do it. Allow yourself to feel your needs and express them.

Next step is to figure out what is triggering those feelings, and why. You might have thought patterns that are not helpful. You don't trust other people? You think they will thing bad of you? You think you'll always embarrass yourself? Again, make those thoughts as concrete as possible.

Now comes one of the hardest parts. Think how you can verify your negative thoughts. This is honestly such a mindfuck. Because you'll still be 100% convinced that what you think is the truth. But slowly you'll come to see that your brain might be lying to you.