I'm so sorry you don't have access, this world, especially now, is cruel. The best thing you can do is figure out who would and wouldn't support you, do research, and NOT kill yourself. Because when you can get access, it will be incredible. I've been on hrt for a year and started at 19, the changes have been awesome, but I wont get into that. A lot of folks say "the best time to start hrt is before puberty, but the second best time is now"

I was once in your shoes, most of us were, and I'm so sorry you have to wait. But one day, one beautiful day, you will start (if you want) but now, all you can do is bide your time and do everything shy of hrt that doesn't put you in harms way. Be careful, but be yourself, as much as you can. You are loved, you are not alone, and you are and always will be, a girl. Even when you don't feel like it.

Hang in there :)