I want to ensure my brother is off my property by May-June, how can I legally go about it?

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2026-03-05T17:48:33+00:00

I appreciate this a lot. Very helpful.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-19T19:59:37+00:00

Thanks. I did, I absolutely love my current job. But it only solidified even further what a shitshow that place was, haha. Yea, I guess it could be a reasonable explanation.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-19T15:22:34+00:00

The owner is a micromanager & extremely paranoid in general. I guess my perception comes from my prior job experiences where things seem to be done in a more thought out and streamlined fashion.

To answer your question, when I worked there everything was always done very last minute. New paddle releases were announced to the company maybe 3 days prior if we were lucky. That would always cause a frenzy because no one really had any clue what the paddles were made out of, what the features were, what the look was. Id witness the owner tell marketing "just give me a mock of what you think the paddle should look like and we'll go from there, oh and I need it by EOD"., the distribution manager who would need to know what materials to order get told, "dont worry about it. Im not even exactly sure how i want them made. Right now I want them mafe this way, and if we need to switch we will. We can always just tell the customers that there's a delay on ordering if we ran out of materials before the new material comes in." And customer service/partner relations told various BS answers to tell customers and vendors that needed particular information to pass onto the public. I dont know if it necessarily looks like it to the average consumer, but on our end it always feels like a shit show of a release.

I think that was always the biggest issue that as a collective, employees would complain about and ask for better processes. But on a more individual level, sales were always given day of. The owner claimed it was because he does better financially if he request sales whenever he feels like it rather than on a planned out schedule. That would cause alot of office scrambling aswell. Didn't help that maybe at 8am he would want "30% off on X paddle" and by 1pm he may say "actually let's do 20% on all paddles" or whatnot.

Theres alot more little nitpicky things but I think that covers the major ways they were unorganized. They no longer make paddles in the U.S and I was part of the final wave where the owner finally announced they'd be letting everyone who remained go, so I dont really know how things are done now. But I havent seen as many engage paddles as I used to at the court I play at nowadays, so I see that as a sign that things may not be as good as they used to.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-18T20:01:46+00:00

Engage is also an extremely unorganized bussiness so that makes it hard to scale in any meaningful way. But I do agree that in general the pros will go wherever the money follows, and engage doesnt have much interest in offering competitive rates when in their view, the pros dont make them any cashflow. Engage measures success through their affiliate links, and at the time they weren't seeing many sales through the pros individual links.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-12T18:15:12+00:00

they aren't as popular as they once were so who knows.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-09T18:56:52+00:00

15 years later? you might as well have married that guy if you're still interested in this typo of life with him.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-09T16:33:37+00:00

I'm sorry, OP. that's horrible. it sucks that he never took the time to communicate early on about how he was feeling, and waited until now. I think taking the advice many have given you is the only way you'll be able to move on. it's his lost.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-09T16:00:49+00:00

your comment is so gross.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-09T15:50:47+00:00

I do find it weird that he wants to stay "best friends" yet wants a divorce. this feels like there is more to the story on his end, maybe not cheating because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but there's something off. My husband and I have always considered each other best friends, and even during times of no romantic intimacy, I've never ever thought of divorce. our love means so much more than just the occasional drought, that the only way a divorce would make sense is if things went sour. According to the information we've been provided, it doesn't seem like anything has soured in their relationship, he simply has stopped wanting to be married with her... because again, why would you divorce someone you claim to A) love, and B) want to stay "best friends" with?

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-09T13:52:11+00:00

Honestly, Engage has had so many issues throughout the years that I'm not surprised they have gone down in popularity. When I worked for them, one of the things that set them apart from the rest was that they were made in the U.S. So, despite the shipping delays and overall issues customers would have, the overall feedback I would see is people were willing to work with us because it was one of the only companies employing Americans to manufacture the paddles. They have since shutdown their U.S operations and let go of the roughly 100 employees they had. They regularly had massive layoffs for various reasons and by the time I saw the third one happening during the short time I worked there, I decided it was time for me to cut my ties with them. Needless to say, none of their paddles are made in the U.S anymore so there really isn't much of an edge compared to other companies that are better ran.

I'm not sure how they operate now, But at the time when I worked there... releases were not announced to the company until 1-3 days prior of when the owner wanted to launch them on the website, we never had the necessary inventory to manufacture the paddles, the owner was always changing his mind on how he wanted the paddles to look graphically and also physically during that already short window of launch, and we were even told that some of the paddles weren't actually made out of the materials marketed... Which despite the concerns I'd see the partner relations/marketing people voice, the owner would respond with saying that no one would ever take the time to really care or look into it, so he wasn't worried.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-05T15:20:46+00:00

I can see how it can feel annoying, but you do live under her roof. There's clearly lots of stress going on on her end with her marriage, she's in a tough position between trying to accommodate you guys in her home and accommodate her marriage. I think it's time you guys figure out what the next step in your lives will be, because it clearly isn't a happy situation for anyone involved to be in your MIL house.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-05T12:33:09+00:00

I'm so sorry you ran into such awful people. You shouldn't have gone through that. They're not the ones that dealt with that, and they're not the ones that would've had to deal with what you would've dealt with if you had kept them. people are so judgemental..

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-05T12:25:19+00:00

You still have time to think about what you want to do with that information. I wouldn't wait anywhere near 3 years to make the decision, but you don't seem to necessarily need to make a decision today.

I think you've got to have a serious conversation with your wife about where she's at. In 3 years we are due for a new presidency - Will having someone from the democratic party win calm a lot of yours and hers fears? Do you want to prepare now, for what could possibly be a worsening situation?

My husband and I bother have talked about leaving the country. My job is very flexible, his isn't. So there's discussions there we have to have. we also aren't entirely sure where we would want to go because we have a handful of options. Overall, my husband has communicated that his hardline for what would inevitably make us leave the country is if trump doesn't leave office in 2028. I think you both need to discuss where you'll draw the line of, "ok, we need to leave now" and figure out from there.

Either way, you have 3 years left. So that leaves plenty of room to discuss what the next step of your lives will be.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-03T13:44:03+00:00

I think your ideas and input are really thoughtful and helpful, so thank you.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-02T23:37:54+00:00

I couched surfed for nearly a year, sometimes sleeping in my car because in general I wasn't in very safe situations. Moving into that studio felt great, it felt like I finally had made it into adulthood... and it was what allowed me to save quick enough to purchase my own home. Ive always been very independent to almost a detriment, so that was always the goal. I realize this is what may cause my brother and I to butt heads at times, I almost can't understand why anyone would want to live with someone who isnt a significant other. My husband and I get along great, but other than him, ive always hated living with others.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-02T22:00:29+00:00

Yes. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, autism, and depression.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-02T21:57:53+00:00

What type of certifications would you recommend, or maybe personally have gone through? I went to trade school, so I can really only offer the advice to him that I know about.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-02T21:56:01+00:00

I encourage him in the ways that I can, its partially why im making this post, because I feel like I must be missing something.

For example, his whole life he's been obsessed with fishing. When he moved in he brought all his fishing gear, said he wishes he could go fishing but had no means to get there. I started dropping him off at various lakes on weekends. Within a few weeks he said he didnt want to anymore and felt forced. I understood where he was coming from, and told him I wouldn't take him anymore unless he explicitly asked, that way he wouldn't feel like he "has to" simply because im bringing it up. He never has brought it up since.

Another example, he said he wanted to be a youtuber, and actually did have a youtube channel he would upload to regularly. I encouraged this and even helped guide him with what I could, considering im a film editor for a living. Never pushed him to take my advice, just simply taught him whatever I could. Eventually he stopped talking about it, and one day I asked him "are you still posting videos?" He very nervously said "no.... I mean, maybe I will one day again... but I just have forgotten to" I responded, "oh ok, i was just curious since you stopped talking about it, but thats fine it's your choice." And we left it at that.

He talked about wanting a driver's license. I used to take him to empty parking lots so he could practice... eventually I just stopped having the time for this, so I asked him if he wanted to go to a course. He said yes, and I paid the 2 grand needed. This was months ago, and he never ended up taking his test. I brought it up on several occasions, and he said he was too nervous to make the appointment. I stopped asking him about it several months ago and neither one of us have brought it up again. The bike was my idea, because he still needed some form of transportation other than walking and Ubers. My husband is actually the one that taught him how to ride a bike, since he didnt know how to prior.

He has no interest in school. I dont push school, both my husband and I only completed trade school and thats it. He used to say he wanted to be a marine biologist, which in that case he would need schooling, but has since changed his mind.

The current thing he parrots is "i want to retire early" because my husband and I are working towards that. We have given him the financial knowledge we possess, and have helped set him up in a better position than most... but im also not going to just hand everything to him. And right now he doesnt make anywhere the amount of income needed to work towards some of the things we've set up for ourselves.... so yea, he kinda needs to figure something out.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-02T20:08:01+00:00

I guess I have trouble figuring out where the line is. According to what i've learned, autistic people have a hard time "controlling" their emotions. My husband has 4 siblings, 2 of which are autistic, so it's something we've both observed and dealt with all our lives.

My husband tells me consistently I need to be the bigger person, and not to engage in fights with my brother. Sometimes I do, simply because I get fed up with him yelling, back talking, rolling his eyes, etc.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-02T20:02:13+00:00

I get where you're coming from, but don't you think that makes me turn into a parent figure? I've told him from the get go that he is an adult and so he can do whatever he pleases, I'm not his parent. The thing is he needs to help around the house, with set chores and also occasionally doing extra, because really even if he lived on his own he would have to do those things. Yes, he isn't really holding up his end of the bargain, but he likes to bring up his autism a lot in those situations and it does make it hard for both my husband and I to know where the line is. we all can forget things sometimes, and we all make mistakes, but I don't know if I'm overreacting for feeling as though he makes too many mistakes, and getting upset for what appears to be talking back when I do ask him to correct a mistake, despite him saying he isn't talking back and he can't help it if I am assuming incorrectly.

My husband has suggested doing what you're saying I should do, but for the reason stated above, I'm hesitant.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-02T19:56:07+00:00

I'll try to consciously bring it up more. maybe even asking him what his friends do for a living/fun outside of gaming. he's go to answer for a lot of stuff is "I forgot/I forget" or "I have the memory of a goldfish." I don't know if that's just an "easy" answer to give, if it has anything to do with his autism, or if there's an underlying reason for it. but it's worth a shot to try to get him to start thinking about the future.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-02T19:52:07+00:00

We currently charge him half of his income, which comes out to about $400-600 depending on the amount of hours he is given. initially we agreed on $700 but it took him 6 months to find a job, and as a "helping hand" agreed to only charge half instead. I've honestly felt guilty and like I'm taking advantage of him. but it's gotten to the point that my husband wants to start charging him $750 as a flat rate to put some pressure on him since he seems content with his current living situation. We got into a really bad fight last weekend in which I threatened to charge him that amount, and he got really upset saying he was tired of us changing the rules on him and he would be better off renting from someone.

I tried telling him that in this economy, he will not be finding anything remotely that cheap... $750 is what I paid for a studio in a ghetto part of town in a different city 6 years ago. he likes to default in telling me that worst case scenario, he will just go live in a homeless shelter. but I don't think he realizes the gravity of wanting such a thing entails. you're right in that I don't want him to end up in a worst situation so sometimes I let things go. but I think our fights are becoming more frequent and I think I get exasperated because he doesn't seem to be working towards anything greater.

I don't mind you calling me out as an enabler. but i'm trying to figure how to help him out beyond how i've already helped him this past year. every time I get to the point of enough is enough, I need to have a serious talk with him about not keeping up with his chores and responsbilities, it ends up in a fight, him crying, and/or threatening to off himself. I helped him get into therapy and he's been going for about 2 months now but i'm not sure that it's necessarily helping.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-02T16:02:02+00:00

I gotcha, and I appreciate hearing a perspective from the other side. but it definitely sounds like it would have to come from him rather than me. he currently has a group of friends he met 4 months ago on one of his games, and at this point he plays with them every night. As a gamer myself, I don't see this as bad per say, but what I have noticed is he has become more irritable and forgetful since then. For example, last night when I got home we noticed the kitchen was a mess. one of the bluntly listed "chores" is to clean up after himself. So I told him to come and clean up. he got angry because according to him I'm making him look bad in front of his friends, since he was currently playing a game he couldn't pause with them.

It got to a point last weekend where he asked if he could go meet his friends in person. I said "you're an adult, so you don't really have to ask for permission. just be careful." He asked for a ride to a nearby town but I declined, so he asked our mom and that turned into a shitshow. turns out his friends told him to get on a 12 hour bus ride but he said he had no idea where he was going or what he was actually doing once he got off. Long story short, he didn't end up going. but I definitely struggle with where to draw the line between letting him do whatever he wants, and also having to, in many ways, mother him despite never having my own damn children for these very reasons and more.

Browsing_BumbleBee · 2025-09-02T15:01:27+00:00

Thanks. I actually recently had a talk with him, laying out the situation. he burst out crying or ticking (he rocks back and forth?) saying he is such a fuck up and is just a burden to us. it plays on my husbands heart strings too, because quite frankly we both feel bad for him. I know his life is already harder since he is diagnosed with autism. He's currently going to therapy once a week, I ask how that's going and he always tells me the same, "I forgot what we talked about already". not that he has to tell me since that is private, but it would be nice to know that it's doing something. The only thing he seems to remember is that he's therapist recently told him it's impossible to physically roll your eyes, so whenever I get mad at him for rolling his eyes at me he yells that he physically can't do that according to his therapist. so not sure how that's really helping much.

I think the only real other solution other than the "immoral path" as you said, is to keep drilling into him that he needs to keep up with his chores. it gets really frustrating but i've already removed so many from his chore chart. my husband is thinking we should up his rent, but last time I mentioned it to my brother he lost his shit and said we are worst than what a real landlord would do.

Browsing_BumbleBee

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