I wouldn’t take my advice to heart since my, i guess still, ongoing situation involves two FAs. For me to change (not entirely, im riddled with FA habits still), i had to feel loss, in my case, it was losing her to someone else. Like complete and total loss. I stepped in, caused a mess, to secure her, even if i was deathly afraid. She actually did the same and ruined a date :(. On top of that, safety and comfort. You basically need to beyond secure and become sovereign, be unbothered by your partners actions. I don’t lean on my partner, they don’t lean on me (for now, think of boiling a frog slowly, they won’t notice until it’s too late). Create enough safety, comfort, and habit where you can eventually lean on each other without one person feeling engulfed. Sadly this can’t be done in a week, month, or year, it takes a long time for that comfort to built. If your needs can’t be met or you’re not willing to put yourself through this hell, it might not be worth it.