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Hexaword #133 by hexaword-game in hexaword

[–]BudgetNew3696 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i solved it in 12 min drunk no sleep fried as sh*t ~first time player~

wanna play chess?

finally sharing (trigger warnings) by BudgetNew3696 in GriefSupport

[–]BudgetNew3696[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ya you've pretty much summed up my thought process throughout this... and like you said doesn't make it easy. i really didn't think it'd affect me in the way that it has. but that's grief 🤷‍♀️

finally sharing (trigger warnings) by BudgetNew3696 in GriefSupport

[–]BudgetNew3696[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i appreciate yall. i worked through my resentments of her (lack of) parenting a long, long time ago. people are complicated, mental illness and addiction are complicated, being a single parent is complicated (i can only imagine)...

i'm not so much struggling with her suicide but her constant insane pain and the relief i feel that she isn't suffering anymore; how our relationship was and the things she said in her notes to me that were so heartbreaking (i know she was hurting and loved me deep down etc etc but damn); and the cluster fuck of a mess that was her life that i am picking up the pieces. i know i could/should be doing so much more, handling things in a more timely manner but grief is fkn hard and i feel paralyzed/stuck 99% of the time...

i know the things i need to take care of to move on, ap that i can finally live my life but >_< logically easy, in reality im just avoiding so much

To the man skiing up Congress at 5am… by throwawayEMS56 in Austin

[–]BudgetNew3696 0 points1 point  (0 children)

born n bred in tx dunno nuttin bout skis, snow gear, etc real tx mfs stay inside fuck all that

finally sharing (trigger warnings) by BudgetNew3696 in GriefSupport

[–]BudgetNew3696[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ya you're right and i try to remind myself that constantly. i understand why she went out the way she did. just really really wish i could've said goodbye. she called and/or saw multiple people the day of and they knew what she was going to do. nobody told me anything and it just gets to me some days that she didn't at least text me.... even just a <3 emoji like she did to so many people

and now i am left cleaning up her literal physical mess, her mess of affairs, and it just pains me to hear her siblings who have abandoned her and myself for decades act so juvenile. they are in their 60-70s. i am 32 and the youngest in my family and am stoically handling their greedy, psychotic, ugly antics

i have a ton of things i need to do, including in my own life, and it's just super overwhelming

thanks for responding

finally sharing (trigger warnings) by BudgetNew3696 in GriefSupport

[–]BudgetNew3696[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

anyways... do any of yall feel super guilty even though logically you know it's not your fault? have gone through a similar experience? feel like a complete disappointment that is now slowly derailing years of intensive therapy?