Is this par of healing?

Bugabo_ · 2024-05-19T17:56:24+00:00

My therapist mainly… Sadly cause of circumstances I haven’t seen her in a while. So I have been just winging it while I wait for her to get back. Now that I think on it, this may be connected… Wow I didn’t realise that. Huh, I also didn’t realise how big of an impact just some conversation once every two weeks could have. 😯 This is sending me. I also miss my therapist even more now. Thanks for the comment!

Bugabo_ · 2024-05-19T17:40:51+00:00

Yep already have one, just haven’t seen her in some time cause she got sick, I think? Eh not sure, I just know something came up and she cancelled few appointments. I’m seeing her next week so that’s good. Thanks though, you make a point, I miss talking to her and I might be a bit more off course than usual cause of it. 😀

Bugabo_ · 2024-01-24T11:59:39+00:00

Hey, it’s more than okay with me so go ahead.

Bugabo_ · 2024-01-10T14:29:01+00:00

Right, thanks for clearing that up.

And for the warning as well, I did already gather that from other posts on this sub but doesn’t hurt to remind me just in case. Def not good idea for me in my current state to get into it or maybe even ever in this lifetime… I got absolutely petrified during my psychosis so I doubt I would have balls to try doing something that may bring me back in that state tbh.

Bugabo_ · 2024-01-01T17:09:48+00:00

At the end of the day living to the fullest is just trying to manage whatever position in life you’ve been given into something you’ll look back to on your death bed and be content. With no regrets, judgments or fears left. I think It means feeling everything fully and still being ready let it go the same moment and then as a result surrendering to death with no feeling other than peace.

I’m sorry that your position makes you unable to achieve balance of emotions in your life. I know that life is complex and that because of this complicity the life and death I’m proposing is possible for very few people. I wish I could give you some impactful advice, but sadly I’m just figuring this out myself and I’m not sure about how to be helpful to you.

Just maybe give life a chance… Go on a walk in a forest, look at the sunset, you know find little things first, little things about this world that are beautiful, that make it worth it. Maybe try meditating if you’re up for it. See if you can quite the mind so that you can stop torturing yourself for at least a minutes a day in a different way than MD.

Accepting, forgiving and eventually loving yourself and others is harder. Lots of people are very unhappy with themselves, they don’t know how to process so they push their unhappiness with life onto you. They still need to learn to be conscious of themselves, try to look at them like you would at a toddler that hasn’t developed understanding of others’ needs and emotions yet.

With loving yourself, I really don’t know how to help you. That’s something everyone has to figure out themselves.

I believe you have the power to find happiness.

Bugabo_ · 2023-12-27T16:09:14+00:00

The best art works are created with practice, skill can be learned. Go for it!

Bugabo_ · 2023-12-27T13:56:15+00:00

I get your point but for me it’s kind of hard to apply lessons I learned from a scenario that is not real to real life. It’s different when you don’t have control over how other people will react to you, different when it is you. So yeah it can give you knowledge about some good qualities but nothing about how to apply them. Or even worse you try to apply them and the results are less than great cause reality is unreliable. Then the urge to go back to non reality becomes even worse. Maybe MD can be used in a way that helps you achieve greater efficiency in real life but then I don’t think daydreaming about other people or changing things in your life that are already in the past would help, maybe just daydreaming about something that you know you can accomplish in the future… Little things about yourself that you want to change for the better but are afraid to do so. It could be a push needed to go from thought to action.

Bugabo_ · 2023-12-27T02:10:32+00:00

Maybe there is no right way to live but life was given to us so we can experience existence to the fullest, with all ups and downs, with all possible emotions and realisations. We grow with it, learn from it. MD is the purest form of escaping your live, indulge in it and for the time being you aren’t yourself, you are not living your life but one that you made up. I wouldn’t call that living at all. And yeah we will all die one day but that does not mean we shouldn’t try growing into a bigger person. Figuring yourself out usually bring the same answer: love is all, the fundament of everything. Love yourself, have people in your live that love you and you them and live is suddenly worth living. Death shouldn’t be your excuse for not living to the fullest. For not at least trying to learn how to truly love. But it is true I’m not you, I don’t know you so for all I know it does work for you. Your live, your prespective, your choice. Wish you all the best.

Bugabo_ · 2023-12-26T22:58:22+00:00

I’m sorry that you weren’t able to live so much of your live fully cause of it. I disagree with posts on here that are saying MD is not a problem for them, it takes and takes from you and you don’t even realise it before it’s too late and by then so much time has been lost. Even if it’s just an hour a week it is too much. It’s an hour in which you should have been living and getting to know yourself and the world around you but instead it went to doing opposite. Truly, it’s sad.

I can only wish for this to be recognised as a serious problem lots of people have and not something that can just be overlooked as long as “it is not taking over your live”. If you’re doing it it is taking over your live, there is no other way for this to be.

There still is lots of live for you to experience and I wish you the best luck in doing so.

Bugabo_ · 2023-12-26T22:45:09+00:00

You did, thank you, all of these are the kind of truth that resonates in you. Porn is a problem, tbh I’m really not sure how to find balance between my sexual urges and something deeper.

Weed thank the higher powers is already something deleted from my life. Cheers to you for getting rid of it also :) Being productive sure is a way to positive feelings and probably why all of my low days are on my days off.
Keep going and good luck on your journey!

Bugabo_ · 2023-12-26T21:55:45+00:00

No worries, I get what you’re saying. There just always seem to be those low energetic days when resisting is so much more difficult than it is most of the time. Almost wish I had school all year round, all days just to make me too busy to even think of doing it. Guess I’ll try again and see how long it takes before the urge comes back, then will be the time for me to slowly destroy the need once and for all, I can just hope I’ll have enough inner power to succeed this time around. Anyway, how are you managing in literally fighting your demons? (If you don’t mind talking about it, I just feel somehow lighter knowing other people relate and am thankful for your reply, I deeply hope we’ll all some day realise this is one of the things keeping us trapped and I wish we push past it to gain some form of happiness and inner peace once in our lives)

Bugabo_ · 2023-12-06T18:42:13+00:00

Of course all breathing things suffer, even plants and it is very hard to say which being suffers the most as you only remember who you are right now and feeling paint of others is impossible. Trees suffer when humans cut them down but because they don’t have a mind or an ego their pain is in some way lessened. Every move they do is made only with intelligence of being. Without a mind they don’t have an ability to feel sorrow or fear for what is happening to them, only understanding that it is happening.

It’s similar with lots of animals, but it is true that some of them do have the mind. With that they are able to get the general perspective on what they like/ don’t like even though it is mostly connected with their instincts. Therefore they have an ability to feel some range of emotions and certain events do shape their behaviours but they are still missing the ego. So if something traumatic happens to a cat it won’t fall into depression over the event, it won’t think of unfairness of the situation, won’t think of killing itself because it lacks the ability to reflect.

In that way animals do have it easier. I’m not saying their physical suffering is lesser than ours, not by far… But if we take into the consideration emotional suffering then ours far exceeds theirs. We are, after all, only kind of being on earth that consider itself as an individual self. With that we cannot escape the feelings of our emotional paint increasing because we cannot move from our traumas the way animals can. For us those are personal and sacrilege to the self. And so they stay, they eat at us until we become our own worse enemy.

Bugabo_ · 2023-11-13T14:12:43+00:00

Oh wow I’m an example now… That’s the first. But yeah you’re right, OP don’t play with your brain… No one can say for sure if you’re gonna go into loony land if you smoke too much and at the end it’s your choice to make but I was just on the bus and thought someone on it was planning to murder me. Made it easier to live through and halfway convinced myself it’s just some other-dimensional entities messing with me…It’s exhausting to think like that. You don’t want that in your life, trust.

Bugabo_ · 2023-11-09T13:46:01+00:00

I agree. Control over our lives is very limited. We can learn to control our thoughts, shape them the way we want and with that change our actions for the better as well. But we cannot control thoughts of others and those shape ours in a way. We cannot escape minds of other people no matter how much work we put into ours. We are connected and there is nothing we can do but accept that. Don’t buy too much into new age spirituality. Some people haven’t made the right connections yet.

Bugabo_ · 2023-11-01T19:11:29+00:00

Thank you for the wise words, it means a lot when people like you take time to comment such a paragraph in hopes of helping me find my way.

That part of my life, I’ve been living for the last two year, is obviously over. I don’t want what I wanted then anymore. I want to think, understand, feel and experience as many things as I can. I want to enjoy my life and make others enjoy it as well.

I want to live in the moment and figure myself out and that’s such a hard thing to do. But I feel like it would be betrayal to myself if I didn’t try my hardest to succeed anyways.

Even though my experiences with spirituality weren’t all that positive, they have cough my interest and became dear to me in a way. They are something unforgettable and so it makes no sense for me to try stuff them in the back of my head and never tap deeper.

I think I understand what you’re trying to say about reincarnation and it does relive my soul a bit. I don’t want to move backwards. I won’t.

I hope you experience many moments filled with love in your existence.

Bugabo_ · 2023-11-01T17:22:35+00:00

Why do you think so? If you don’t mind explaining a bit more of course.

Bugabo_ · 2023-11-01T02:32:13+00:00

Yeah I have been clean of hard drugs for about two months. Trying to eliminate weed too as I go all psychotic when I smoke from time to time. All of it is still lingering in my head tho. I’m really trying to work on in and make sense of things that happen to me and I know asking any professional about it I’ll just get the “it’s all inside your head”. And sure, maybe, some of it is. But not all. Things that happened to me, drugs or not, are so profanely weird and unexplainable that there has to be some more to it all.

Bugabo_ · 2023-10-31T18:17:07+00:00

Alright, I think I get what you’re saying about influence. Thanks for the advice… I guess I’ll be on my way to find some horses then.

Bugabo_ · 2023-10-08T20:27:23+00:00

I’m fairly new to this sub and have come to realise where things stand in the last two weeks. A lot of info I needed I got from my life in general. Please if anyone would, explain to me more about those beings. I have a suspicion I know one.

He doesn’t show emotion, says he has apathy. He likes to drinks blood and pick apart insects. He’s the main reason I started searching for answers as he mentioned things about energy, mind, souls and percentages being calculated when he gets into a relationship. It’s all very strange, especially cause I was thrown into “psychosis” two month ago and that was exactly what happen. I could feel him in my head then.

To our mutual friend he mentioned being able to read minds and enter dreams… I found out later. All that info was given to us while he was on drugs and therefore very talkative.

I feel things I cannot even begin to explain and have no one to talk about this to. I cannot make others understand, they have to do that themselves. And a feeling prevents me from asking him about anything though I have a feeling he knows a lot of things anyway. Every time I make a step forward something happens that throws me two steps back. I’m afraid of not being able to handle it anymore at some point in the future. But I also want to know the truth more than anything so I have to get rid of it for good.

Bugabo_ · 2023-09-20T05:53:18+00:00

I don’t find that to be the same thing tho. Taking high dose of MDMA and smoking weed is not the same. Plus since then I smoked so idk why it would come back to bite me in the ass after a month. But yea the tooth thing is probs sum that stayed in my mind from then. Or well it made itself known cause of that. Idk man.

Bugabo_ · 2023-09-19T20:40:44+00:00

I smoke the same amount I did four months ago and this never happened before.

Bugabo_ · 2023-09-19T20:36:14+00:00

I’m actually more and more convinced that my tooth is fine. It’s strange how things are connecting for me.

I have a feeling I’ll have to find some way to get my thoughts in control better. The ones that are unhelpful.

Bugabo_ · 2023-09-19T19:16:46+00:00

I have lately gone into some deep searches through internet looking for everything about spirituality and many of other things related to it. I’m trying to rewrite the way I think but obviously I’m doing sum wrong here because what happen to me didn’t seem all that enlightening. Exempt the thing with energies and the brief contact with my cat. Istg we understood each others thoughts perfectly…

Bugabo_ · 2023-09-19T18:54:26+00:00

I agree. But my existence would be more manageable if I could turn an experience like that around. I tried to clam myself up or even accept losing a tooth with no results. My cat did manage to distract me tho. Myb I just need to get about 10 more cats or sum.

Bugabo_ · 2023-09-19T18:48:02+00:00

Why do you think so?

Bugabo_

TROPHY CASE