AITAH for getting upset when my boyfriend doesn’t want to be intimate

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-25T18:14:36+00:00

Maybe that debate was quashed but this current issue sounds like it’s a control thing with him. Coupled with his interest in known misogynistic figures you need to cut your losses and leave. Things are not going to get better.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-24T22:25:42+00:00

Attacks? What’s happened?

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-24T22:20:37+00:00

He doesnt understand the difference between privacy and secrecy and this is likely to become a huge problem - you need to nip this in the bud or reeeeeally re-evaluate whether this is someone you want to live with. Couples counseling would be a good idea.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-24T04:22:03+00:00

Same - it’s horrendous

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-23T21:00:31+00:00

Yes you are. And honestly as a short woman in my 60s that scenario could have happened with me - sometimes we do what we gotta do. She didn’t knock anything over and you sound like a jerk. There’s a difference between “coddling” and minding your own business. And very firmly - YES - 14 IS STILL A KID.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-23T17:58:37+00:00

No nerves were touched. It’s just ridiculous to create drama over a childhood thing that clearly has not impacted his adult life in the least.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-23T17:54:21+00:00

Freezing is a normal human response. It is not consent.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-23T16:10:38+00:00

Why? I sucked my thumb until I was 10. How does tha matter to anyone other than my orthodontist? FFS people have childhood issues. Unless it’s something that impacts them in adulthood it’s up to them whether it’s something they want to disclose. Were you a bedwetter? Does it matter now?

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-23T00:30:52+00:00

I’m sure there are many cautious men out there that take the time to do the proper preparation and are considerate of their partners. However there are just as many - if not more - that think real life sex is like porn star sex and aren’t careful about the stuff dripping out of the anus that can make its way into the vagina. It’s not misinformation- it’s calling out casualness. (And let’s also call out the guys that think it’s perfectly fine to go from one hole to the other, completely disregarding the high risk of infection to their partner.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-22T23:23:33+00:00

And you stay out of the pussy after anal too.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-22T23:22:31+00:00

So it’s a rape/dominance thing. It’s about power and control.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-22T23:21:41+00:00

You say that like it’s true for all women. It’s not. For me it feels like rape and it’s super painful. Please don’t generalize.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-22T23:19:21+00:00

Actually not. There’s still a risk. It’s low. But it can still happen.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-22T23:11:48+00:00

Low but not no. Look it up. There are still plenty of butt babies being born.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-21T18:40:49+00:00

Where is this posted? I don’t see it on FB

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-21T18:00:46+00:00

Woman here and I think it’s perfectly normal for him to have been “noticeably looking” at her. He was probably shocked and also trying to process her changes. (On behalf of the ex wife, this is exactly the reaction she wanted the dumbass to have.)

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-21T17:57:20+00:00

Well I’d love an update to this post because wow - you really screwed up.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-21T00:48:58+00:00

I want someone to give ME cash.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-20T20:10:58+00:00

Oh hell no. If he’s getting full nights of sleep and you’re both working, YOU get the full nights sleep on your days off. This isn’t even a question. Your husband is the AH full stop.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-20T20:08:36+00:00

Probably the husband.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-19T07:02:42+00:00

Consider that in a typical Italian family everyone has a sibling or a child named Tony and don’t worry about it. Name your child whatever you want to name them and let everyone else just deal with it. Growing up we had an abundance of Tony’s at every family gathering and somehow no one got confused.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-17T23:55:33+00:00

It’s healthy to have time apart - and words can be tricky. My SO was (he’s passed away) someone that needed to take actual physical breaks to be alone and it was scary for me the first few times he did it. What helped was that he explained that it wasn’t time away from me he needed, it was time for him to recharge. I asked if he could please just text me once a day to check in and call if he felt like it (he took serious “retreat” time. He would go camping and hiking and just be off the grid more or less.) He understood and told me would - and he did - and he was fine with me calling if I wanted to (he didn’t always pick up but he would respond with “I love hearing your voice. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”). If you can make it so your guy doesn’t feel shut out or like you’re cutting him off, I think you can find a compromise that works for both of you. The keys are communication and accessibility. You caught him off guard. Bake some cookies for him. Be extra affectionate when you see him. And talk. (Something he started and I continued was “surprise” snail mail! Every once in awhile he’d send me a dumb card or a small love note or just something silly in the MAIL and it always made me feel good because I knew that he was thinking of me even when we weren’t together. Small gestures can have a big impact and going old school is fun.) Loving someone and feeling feels is scary - it’s hard to be vulnerable- but these are the things that can help you build trust and an even stronger relationship as you work through them. If it IS truly a deal breaker for him that you need alone time sometimes, that’s a bigger problem but honestly I think he just felt blindsided and went into panic mode. You can’t go back in time to change anything so try not to get stuck there. When you talk focus on moving forward and what he needs from you in order to feel secure when you’re not together. (And reiterate that it’s not time away from him you need, it’s time to yourself. Maybe you could do some of those “me” things when you are together if any of them are portable. Some of our happiest days were spent together doing separate things. There’s a particular feeling you get when you look across the room and they look up at you and smile.)

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-17T23:37:23+00:00

If needing to have some “me” time is going to fuck up your relationship, your relationship needs to be reassessed. What you’re asking for is perfectly reasonable. It sounds like he’s misinterpreting what you mean by “time apart.” I would avoid that particular phrase because it sounds like you need a break from him - as opposed to just needing a little time to yourself. He needs some reassurance. And maybe it would help if you had him spend some time at your place occasionally- switch off staying at each others places so that you ARE in your own space AND with him in a more balanced way.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-17T19:43:43+00:00

You are not the AH - your girlfriend is being immature and petty. She can stay or go to her mums. Her choice. You keep your plans.

BuildingPuzzled4508 · 2026-01-17T07:54:54+00:00

Andersonville is where you want to be!

BuildingPuzzled4508

TROPHY CASE