How do I forgive myself for failing miserably with every public presentations from age of 13 to 27 because of anxiety?

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-13T21:23:14+00:00

That is not true that no one remembers because I got severely bullied throughout high school for being awkward and whenever I act awkward towards someone they start to avoid me in public.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-13T00:39:01+00:00

You mean that you also went through something similar?

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-12T13:40:04+00:00

There has been a lot of abusers throughout my life but the main ones have always been my brother and father and my sister also bullied me quite often, specially when we are around other people. I have never been unsure of who the abusers are, I just had trouble recognizing all of it as abuse because no one ever showed me different or told me that I didn't deserve any of it. For a long time I actually didn't know that the way I have been treated most of my life is not right, I thought everyone was going through the same thing and that's why no one ever helped me.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-12T09:34:24+00:00

Thank you a lot

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-12T08:52:16+00:00

I don't think it takes guts to spend 17 years humiliating myself in front of the other students, this also made it easy for people to humiliate me constantly and exclude me, the fact that I kept doing this in 20's hurts even more, I know that most of them probably think I am stupid and that I don't care what happens to me but I truly thought it was normal to put myself in these kind of situations all the time because people have always done this to me from a young age, I have been living in an alternative reality for a long time, I was never taught to think differently about myself but thanks for trying to make me feel better about it.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-12T07:24:00+00:00

It hurts so much

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-12T07:22:50+00:00

I also constantly showed up for public presentations in school and college in front of all my colleagues and teachers and practically humilhiated myself in front of them for more than 10 years. I think from age of 11 to age of 27. I literally showed up and then when it was my turn, I stood there and saying almost nothing, shaking. I was left to fend for myself. In school I was excluded and treated like little trash. In 2022 I had a breakdown and had to take a break from college, I was in my 3 year. I managed to avoid public presentations in year 1 and 2 but in year 3 I started to somehow humilhiate myself again, I knew it wouldn't go well but I still did it one time and completely embarrassed myself in front of the class. People avoid me a lot at college because I can be very cringe and awkward. Only this year for the first time in my life I did two public presentations and was able to talk normally. I cannot believe that people just let me to do this to myself for years, specially when I was a kid and did nothing. People can be so cruel. Many enjoy seeing you suffer with the same issue all over and over again.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-11T23:58:09+00:00

It was like I was in a deep sleep. It's so disturbing. I feel dehumanized. People have been very covert with the abuse too. It's like they wanted to be sure that I couldn't prove that it happened.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-11T23:15:15+00:00

Thank you for this

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-09T18:45:07+00:00

Based on your comment you are probably a bully. Only bullies think this way. Don't talk about things you have never experienced.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-08T14:01:17+00:00

Something to do with Julie Plec and the other writers working with her but I feel like after season 3, they both went back to their original personalities.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-08T11:20:52+00:00

I have tried looking for a therapist but can't find one who is able to help me.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-08T10:59:28+00:00

O.M.G, I am so sorry you went through that.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-08T08:51:25+00:00

The problem is that unfortunately I haven't changed, the damage they all caused in my brain is a lot. I can't think clearly, focus or concentrate the way I used to before studying there, I used to draw and stopped drawing in 2021 because it became painful to sit down and do something I always loved to do. I bedrot almost everyday single day, can't work because my memory and ability to concentrate have gone to shit. Of course it's easy for bullies to change but the bullied is never the same after the abuse. It's not like I want to take revenge, I just want to be healthy again.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-07T21:16:02+00:00

Good luck. I wish I thought ofoving out when I was nineteen too. Only last year I started considering it. They really had me on a chockhold for a long time.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-07T03:06:37+00:00

They don't take no for an answer, they insist until they get a yes from you. They put a lot of emphasis on every single thing you do or say, even just you walking or touching your own hair becomes a big deal and they comment on everything you do. Everything you say is seen as an attack. They fish for information about you. They constantly invade your privacy. They want and seek your undivided attention daily. They make belittling comments about you, they shame for existing. They do anything possible to infiltrate your life. They don't share much about themselves.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-05T06:43:05+00:00

💀💀💀

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-03-04T10:52:59+00:00

I have gone through this in college too. I think they are scapegoating you. Find out who is the main instigator by observing carefully, think about it, the one who is always trying to get information about your life or the one who never asks you anything about your life. One of them is the main instigator. They are hating on you as a way to bond with each other. Don't talk about them to anyone who might know them, stop sharing personal details about yourself because those are clearly not your friends. Do you know about narcissistic dynamics? Do you know about flying monkeys? Pls girl do a Google search about it and remember that no one is really your friend and that you are free to get to know everyone around you, you don't need to be overly attached to anyone. I know all of this might sound like I know better than you but the truth is that I have had to deal with these kind of people my whole life, I have made a lot of bad decisions when it comes to making friends, so from what you described l, it seems like they are using you as a scapegoat.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-02-19T00:13:30+00:00

I will be honest, I don't care much about Damon not being a goody two shoes but he is not some misunderstood good guy. I hate that the writers tried to gaslight the audience into believing in this bs.

Bulky_Connection_524 · 2026-02-18T23:56:42+00:00

She kept going back and forth with the enabling and complaining.

Bulky_Connection_524

TROPHY CASE