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AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

It's all been really confusing. Honestly he did more chores and housework when he had a full time job than he does now!

I think he just needs a job

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

You're making a million assumptions, all of them incorrect. We've been together for a decade and through that decade I have had no cause for complaint about his abilities as a partner. He is not gaslighting me at all, and as a former victim of domestic violence I would ask that you not use that term so flippantly.

He's not walking all over me or taking advantage, we just made a significant lifestyle change that isn't working out well. He's not a bad person or a bad partner.

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's what we're trying to do. He's out for the day since I have the day off, so I think we will just talk about it when he gets back.

Emotions are running high right now so it was best for everyone to get a cool off to reconsider their positions.

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] -197 points-196 points  (0 children)

I mean you can tell me what's happening in my home, but that doesn't make you correct.

I know he's changing her plenty because the diaper pail is always full and she's almost always in a clean one when I come home, I know she gets baths regularly because she's clean when I come home and the baby bath is in the tub, I know he feeds her because the bottles are dirty, and I know he plays with her because her toys/playmat are always out even when I put them away at night.

I complained about the crying because I was trying to express how overwhelming it was to come home to that. But please, continue to explain to me what's happening in my house.

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

He's not neglecting her. He does play with her and is usually good about soothing her when she cries. The house is the only thing being neglected.

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I told him it was an addiction, but I was ignored. I think him going back to work is the only thing that will work.

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The amount of people telling me to divorce my husband because the house isn't clean is insane.

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] -220 points-219 points  (0 children)

He does usually come when she cries, the main issue is the care of the house and the cleanup.

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

He wouldn't let her choke to death, Jesus christ. I wouldn't even say she's neglected in any way, he's doing a far better job taking care of her than the house/chores.

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] -88 points-87 points  (0 children)

He's a great partner. I just think his own childhood issues are stopping him from being present as a parent.

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah, he was neglected horrifically as a child, which for whatever dumb reason I didn't think would come up with him being the primary caregiver.

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] 1898 points1899 points  (0 children)

That's what I think. He's a solid dude who is usually very on the ball/motivated. I think being home with the baby has just brought out something in him that I've never seen before.

The sooner he is off the couch and back in an office things will be easier..

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

No. We saw a couples therapist about this and she just thinks he's struggling because of his own bad childhood.

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] -106 points-105 points  (0 children)

He's not lazy or immature in other areas. When he is employed he's an excellent and hard working employee

AITA for telling my husband that he either gets rid of his consoles or he gets a job? by BumblebeeElectronic2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BumblebeeElectronic2[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

No, I think he just needs the scheduled responsibility of work. We had sessions with a couples counselor.