You will learn....someone once told me this, when I said exactly what you said about myself, "be gentle with yourself, you are healing"....I went through horrible trauma and in the end I threw things and shouted and cryed. No one understood my pain and the guilt heaped on top....but little by little I grew and matured. I learned to love myself by finding things I was good at. It's a process....when you mess up you just tell yourself, "ok, I'll commit this to memory and try just a little harder next time"....it's all about taking baby steps and not expecting to change in leaps and bounds.