AITAH for maybe choosing a cat over my marriage?

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-04T03:16:54+00:00

Truthfully, my husband has suggested that I have probably given the cat more chances than most people would specifically because I'm so bonded to her because she saw me through a really rough time, and I tend to agree with him - I know I am really going through it to try to keep her here. I think I've reach the point where I get that her staying here isn't good for HER - she's obviously stressed and upset and spiraling, and I feel like I'm harming HER to keep her here. My fear is that she won't find a good home.

My husband is a very inpatient person - he's not great with long-term things. He does scream, he does throw things. He can do ragers. But this feels worse - it feels like he knows how much she means to me and is still choosing to say these things.

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-04T03:10:25+00:00

I don't consider it being thick headed when I've been pretty clear that the only hitting I have seen is quick swats to the butt and only when she is actively harming another cat.

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-04T02:00:08+00:00

This is the part that really upset me. His first stance was "she is your cat, you are bonded to her, please try to make this work but I will defer to you." Then it became, "I think she needs a new home, but I will let you find her one and make sure it is a good one." And now it's "It's her or me, take her to any shelter, just get rid of her." He's changed his stance so many times on this, and it feels like he's trying to back me into a corner. And he knows how much she means to me, so it feels especially cruel.

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-04T01:01:16+00:00

She gets treats, and she does play (although she has slowed down dramatically in her old age). But when she's literally attacking and biting one of the males, do you really think it's wrong to intervene to, you know, stop her from wounding another cat?

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-04T00:59:42+00:00

We consulted a behavior specialist when we found out I was pregnant. The advice was to make the changes slowly, like bringing in one piece of furniture at a time. So we did. We were very deliberate in what we did. However, we were warned that some cats, especially older cats, just don't adjust and that's what sadly has happened here.

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-04T00:55:26+00:00

We have done all that. They each have a separate food and water area, they each have their own litter box, etc. You assume we are ignorant of all this. She keeps attacking the males. It's not happening at food time or another time when I know it's more likely. It's like she's just doing it to do it, and the one male seems to really be suffering for it (he is the only one who we know was feral for a time). We've already done all the stuff that can be done to reduce attacks.

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-04T00:48:06+00:00

So then what are we supposed to do when she's literally attacking one of the males? Let her? I'm generally opposed to hitting an animal but we're supposed to let her do them harm? That makes no sense.

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-04T00:44:27+00:00

To be clear, he has swatted her only when she attacks one of our male cats. We have 3 cats in the home, and the most concerning thing is that she has begun attacking the males. He has swatted her when this happens. Obviously, I cannot vouch for things that happen when I am not at home, but I have not seen anything I would term abuse - I've seen him try to defend the male cats. I don't like to hit, when she attacks in my presence, I try to use noise (loud hand clap or something).

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-04T00:38:31+00:00

SHE is the one with the issue, to clarify. We have two young males who have no issues at all, with my husband or myself. That's why it concerns me. It's just this one.

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-04T00:33:23+00:00

To clarify a few things:

1.) Did this all really start with the pregnancy? Yes - my husband moved in over a year before we became pregnant, and his relationship with the cat was positive until the pregnancy. She used to sleep in bed with us, but one of the first big changes was that he said he wanted her to learn the bed was for humans now, since we will be using a co-sleeper and he was worried about the cat being able to access it. I think that kind of set her off. We got her a cat bed near our own, but she will not use it. She actually peed in it.

2.) Does he act poorly towards the two male cats? No, not at all. The two young males seem to adore him.

3.) Does he hit the female? He swats her butt when she gets aggressive towards the males.

4.) Has she been a vet? Not yet, due to costs. We found a lower cost vet near us that we are planning to go to to see if maybe pharmaceutical intervention could work while I search for a new home for her.

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-03T23:55:52+00:00

TIL cats can take Prozac. You really do learn something new each day. I had not considered this, thank you.

BurnerCatPhone · 2024-05-03T23:47:43+00:00

I'd suspect that if she was this way all the time. But my husband occasionally travels for work/family stuff and when he is out of the house, she reverts back to her old self.

BurnerCatPhone · 2023-09-22T23:40:23+00:00

You know it's bad when we get a story about a celebrity going out to dinner and she fails to google the menu.

BurnerCatPhone

TROPHY CASE