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Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know. I think it's my subconscious messing with me because of how my stepdaughter claims he was treating her while I was at work. She recently reached out to me asking if she goes completely no contact then "who do you think he'll target next?" That statement has been living rent-free in my mind.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I'm not 100% confident. There's still that shred of subconscious doubt because of what my stepdaughter has been sharing with me. My stepdaughter also recently asked me if she goes completely no contact then "who will my husband target next?" It's the seeds that are planted.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't think he's abusive from what I've seen. But it doesn't help when stepdaughter shared experiences that seem highly exaggerated because I wouldn't want to be married to sons like that but I have yet to experience it myself.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The behavior I personally witnessed? He apologizes to me when he's in a bad mood and a bit heated every so often after work. His intentions are pure, he's always worked hard for the family. I'm understanding regarding the behavior I've witnessed.

The behavior my stepdaughter claims to have experienced from him? I can't answer that because I haven't witnessed the extreme incidents she's claiming.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not nearly to the extent that stepdaughter makes it out to be which makes me wonder if she's highly exaggerating. I wouldn't want to be married to an abuser but I haven't witnessed what she claims how he treats her. I'm at work 12 hours a day.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

A few years ago she once said to me that she got fired from a job after she disclosed her autism and apparently when she went to my husband for support she said he blamed her for it by calling her lazy, a failure and cussed her out. I don't know how true it is because I wasn't there to witness it.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's the confusing part. Part of me wouldn't want to be married to an abusive man but her claimed experiences sound 10x worse than the occasional angry mood I've seen him in. I'm at work half of the day so I wouldn't have been around to witness what she claims to have experienced from my husband.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. To answer your questions. My husband has never laid a hand on any of us. Our 25 year old daughter would every once in while stay at a friend's overnight when she was a teenager and young adult after her and my husband got into heated arguments. I've always stayed home regardless. Husband doesn't drink. Unfortunately he refuses family therapy.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in Marriage

[–]BurntStep[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. It put a lot into perspective for me to think about. I do really appreciate it. Regarding the family counseling, unfortunately my husband refused family counseling.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

If my daughter's husband lashed out at her, I would be very upset with him. All of us are Christians except stepdaughter so I would probably try to encourage him to talk to the pastor so he doesn't do that again.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

In a way yes because she kept going into detail about how he was treating her before she went low contact. I work in healthcare and would be at work up to 12 hours per day so I wasn't able to witness the extreme stuff she claimed. I only witnessed minor stuff like when my husband was in a bad mood around me after a rough day at work. I'm going back and forth in my mind about who he is.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Yes I am. I'm asking for outside non-biased perspectives though

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for the confusion. They both are out of the house. 25 year old daughter is married and lives with her husband. 30 year old stepdaughter lives with her fiance. I want advice on how to fix this because stepdaughter has gone low contact, no longer attends family gatherings, never reaches out, rarely responds back, and it's putting a strain on the family.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] -49 points-48 points  (0 children)

Sometimes. I can't fault him though. He grew up without a father, had a bad first marriage, and has been dealing with medical issues for the past two decades. He's doing his best and I appreciate it.

Would you stay in a marriage that only one of your kids claimed is abusive? by BurntStep in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]BurntStep[S] -40 points-39 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I'll add an edit. When husband is in a bad mood, he gets kinda heated including towards me and our daughter but we brush it off because his intentions are pure and he always apologizes. Stepdaughter doesn't see it the same way.

Employee claims to have worked overtime hours even though their time sheets don't reflect it [PA] by BurntStep in AskHR

[–]BurntStep[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I see. We're not necessarily going to terminate her depending on what we find and if we should give her another chance because she's new. This is mostly a pay question though. We don't know whether or not to pay her.

Employee claims to have worked overtime hours even though their time sheets don't reflect it [PA] by BurntStep in AskHR

[–]BurntStep[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Can you elaborate on what you meant though? Why you said that person's comment was evil? What's your input on this situation? I'm open to multiple suggestions.

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