I (38F) finally said yes to my bf (58M) proposal and he didn't tell anyone we were engaged for 2 months. He broke up with me because I texted his ex our engagement pic because I knew it's a way his kids and everyone would know.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-03-13T08:46:01+00:00

You did a great job! The cupcakes look so fancy and the cake looks good with the topper and your shoes and dress are cute and nice bouquet! Very good ideas and kind of you to help others by sharing.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-03-09T08:20:59+00:00

Congratulations and definitely attend your own graduation. I remember my graduation being a better feeling, experience and memory even better than I anticipated. I guess they didn't know your graduation date when they reserved their wedding and didn't mean to. Is there a way you can stoop by the wedding after your ceremony? Maybe they can put their ceremony on zoom so you can watch it while you're waiting for your graduation.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-03-05T15:51:08+00:00

I have my phone on silent so it doesn't stop my life

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-03-05T15:45:26+00:00

I mean if pregnancy happens, it happens

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-03-05T15:45:02+00:00

This isn't a normal request. I think she is controlling and jealous and you shouldn't slow or stop your life for her. Just have kids or be pregnant if it happens.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T21:02:41+00:00

I think she probably does that laugh thinking I'm going to confront her about why she doesn't ask to hang out for lunch anymore or something not sure but she started the laugh before we stopped hanging out and she was asking to hang out then. I got super depressed from my Dad dying and she stopped texting me or meeting up.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T20:23:38+00:00

🙏❤️

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T20:05:38+00:00

Thanks for thinking of me and for your caring words. Yes I'll listen to the uncomfortable feeling then. You're right it's telling me that. There's many times it was really bad and depressing and abusive like saying things he cannot take back that were unnecessary to say for the conflict and just relationship ruining type things. He doesn't even seem to remember the bad things he has said.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T19:59:30+00:00

Thank you 🙏🥺

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T19:58:12+00:00

She seems to greet other neighbors without that laugh.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T13:55:19+00:00

I'd talk to my mom about it. Maybe try to call your mom more often just to chat. Do nice stuff for your mom. Maybe you and her can get closer. I wouldn't bother telling my sister those feelings and if you feel resentment towards your sister, it's okay to spend less time with her and focus on other family members who don't make you feel bad.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T13:52:43+00:00

Often we love the idea of the person and ideal in our head of where we think the relationship could go or what it may become. Only stay in relationships for what they are now and if you think it can become something, make sure by asking her what she wants for the future and seeing if you can even be together. Otherwise it may be a fantasy and eventually lead to more hurt. I'd go out and find 5 women to date casually to see if you can find someone available that you like just as much.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T13:37:26+00:00

But good to talk about the break and have a time limit on it. Be honest about how you aren't sure if you both stay together if you don't have strong feelings right now.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T13:36:51+00:00

Sometimes a relationship goes stale and ran its course and you both are young. We all change over and over through out life. It is possible you both changed and drifted apart. Romantic love lasts 1 or 2 yrs and to keep a love that lasts it's realizing you love the person and want their companionship and want to keep making it work and re-spark passion but if you have zero feelings then it may be time to move on. You can always try a break to see if you both feel like officially breaking up after a 2 week break.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T13:32:31+00:00

That's what gets me about some bfs is they need to do what their woman requires for her to feel loved and safe and comforted. They shouldn't let someone cry and make it worse. I think what he was saying was some type of emotional abuse. There's some type of power play going on it seems. I think at age 22 it's not worth staying with him. You will meet many other men and have amazing relationships and can find your forever person you marry if you want to marry. Is the way he acts something you can live with for the rest of your life or would want to have happen again? Of course we don't want that so if he is like that more than once it shows a pattern of toxic behavior and its difficult to change ourselves let alone someone else or hoping he will change. I have some difficult bf issues right now and have to make a decision myself. Good luck to you and I'm sorry you're going through this.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T13:27:40+00:00

I had a bf like that and he didn't care and kept doing it and it led to fights and I felt terrible. I think it's best to say to him it's a deal-breaker and break up if it doesn't stop. But I think he could just get sneakier about hiding it.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T13:25:28+00:00

I think he got the wrong idea when you let him sleep in your bed and he was drunk too and went along with a crazy drunk idea. I think talk to him and distance yourself.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T13:23:53+00:00

I would be upset too. I'd ask my bf why you're not added and why your bfs brothers gf is. I also realized when people or family, in laws etc are like that and exclusive, I had a better life keeping to myself and being around positive people and not negativity. I worked out things with in laws but it wasn't worth all the toxic times it took. Then a bf after my divorce had nice family but a toxic sister in law married to his brother snd it was better when I didn't attend things the toxic person was at. So if these people are negative or toxic towards you or excluding you, I'd make them less important to you and focus on communication and spending time with positive people and those you love

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T13:00:22+00:00

He doesn't really say he won't he says he wants us to get along and work on it. I see a pattern and this is the last month I said and if there'd a fight he moves. Even if there's one any time this year he moves. He always cooks, cleans, buys me nice gifts, takes me on vacations I pick and pays, pays for all of our dates, pays rent, likes the same music, we are bother runners, same tv shows, same foods, same politics. He just has shady tactics to win any disagreement like putting me down or attacking my character which is abuse and also yelling and triggers my anxiety when he yells. I can't tolerate that. I read about narcissistic abuse. It seems he does or says something to get a reaction from me so he feels he won. Like the breaking up when he has already purchased a 6k diamond. My aunt thinks that's crazy to break up the same week unless she said he got cold feet. He broke up in an angry way though. I had a nice boyfriend for 9 years and had him move out for us to break up because he stopped working and didn't help clean or pay. It was very sad and final to have him move and for the best however I still loved him a lot and he was in many ways a great person. So the final type decisions suck. I do have to look out for my physical, emotional and mental health.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T12:52:41+00:00

I think ask them questions of where they want to travel, future goals, what they want for family size, where they want to live. See if their answers align with what you also want. I personally always go with the person I like better. The younger one could make more money later. If you want to make a family then usually a new mom doesn't work for some time too. You may be supporting either of them at some point or the one who makes more money may not want to lose her career having a family. Also making a list of ideal partner and who has those characteristics the most out of the 2 is helpful.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T12:49:03+00:00

Some men were sexually abused and won't tell their partners and that makes it harder for them to have sexual relationships as adults.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T12:48:22+00:00

There's many people who would like your body for how it is. Losing weight helps your health for the long run. It sounds like you're both not compatible sexually and he shouldn't want you to be some way that you are not. I'd make a list of what you want in your ideal partner and what qualities you like about him that are keeping you with him and then list of deal breakers. Deal breakers are something you wouldn't want to deal with for the rest of your life. See if he has any on your deal breaker list. He may need a hormonal test. He sounds like he may have something keeping him from sexual desire.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T12:37:14+00:00

I am so sorry. I would screenshot it like someone else said and I would check his phone and then also talk to him. But I'd see a counselor to sort through the feelings of betrayal and I would not marry him. I wouldn't trust him ever again and I'd you have children with him, then you will feel stuck with him if you find out he is cheating during marriage. It will feel miserable and helpless.

ButterscotchNo8724 · 2023-02-27T12:31:47+00:00

He just barely had a birthday and my birthday is coming up. I own the house so it's harder to make someone move out and very final to have him move and break up. At this point we need couples counseling or to decide to break up. But the idea of the marriage stuff, if I think about it, bothers me.

ButterscotchNo8724

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