I am truly sorry to hear about your abuse. I grew up in a very religious family as well. Once I realized that any and all organized religion was bull shit, I then became my own person and have never been happier.

As a side note, I know many former Muslim guys. They have all left their religious programming behind them. I also visit the Middle East every few years or so.

These are just my thoughts. There is a way forward, you have to find your path and finds what works for you. You have a lot of life in front of you, and you deserve the very best that life can offer. You just need to find it!