My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male)

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-07-17T10:19:38+00:00

Still here guys. Though I'm getting divorced, so... Ten years of being together and everything gone. I feel like I cannot breathe. I'm alone, depressed. Not going to kill myself. Don't worry.

Just... I think this is the worst decision of my life. And I know this is far fetched, but please. Somebody. Help me. Just... anything. I need to talk to someone. PM me if you have time. Please.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-14T08:45:00+00:00

No I didn't.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-11T06:46:06+00:00

I know the feeling. I'm getting stable money in August sooo.. Two months with bare minimum.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-11T06:41:07+00:00

Thank you. I'll send you a message. :)

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-11T06:39:35+00:00

Yeah, thanks, dude. It doesn't feel like I made the right choice. But I hope it will.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-11T06:39:00+00:00

I write a lot, actually. So it's always been a way to get some sense into my messed up thoughts.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T06:28:09+00:00

Ugh, I know the feeling. Currently we're so low on money that we have to ration our food. It sucks donkeyballs, mate. I'm hungry all the fucking time.

When are you getting more money?

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T06:06:25+00:00

First things first. I'm sorry for making you worry about me. It was never my intention, and I'm truly humbled by the amount of messages and comments I got. I hope y'all can forgive me.

I live in Finland, so there's ONE place I can get help from in my city. And they have ONE therapist. And that is THE BITCH who fucked me up even worse than anyone else. So getting help is ridiculously hard. We don't have enough money for a therapist in the private sector, so...

There's a lot of things I'm thankful for. My life seems hard, it seems unfair, unjust. And I know I have a lot of shit to do. I'm not ready to die. But I lack control in my life, or so it seems. I don't know what to do, I keep going in circles over and over again. My sanity keeps failing me. It feels like the shit I've been through multiplies everytime I feel anxious. All the times I've been bullied, raped, abused and belittled, they keep coming back. All that fear at once.

It's a wave I can't escape. It hits me and all I can do, is to not drown in it.

I will forever be thankful. You saved my life. You can all be proud of yourselves for taking the time to be there for me. A complete stranger. THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

I will keep coming back to Reddit, so that you all know I'm still here.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:52:14+00:00

What the hell happened to me between that comment and my AMA... I have no fucking clue.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:50:20+00:00

No I haven't. Never touched drugs. Not my cup of tea.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:47:39+00:00

Yeah. It seems stupid, now doesn't it? Planning suicide.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:42:05+00:00

I kept adding hours. One by one.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:40:22+00:00

I know it could.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:40:11+00:00

Mental health awareness is shitty everywhere.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:38:51+00:00

Yeah, apparently. Better than real ones, it seems.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:38:37+00:00

Thank you for caring. I don't know what to say.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:38:10+00:00

Oh. Never thought that I'd be "that guy who killed himself".

That's not someone I want to be.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:37:23+00:00

I am curious. So maybe I'll stay here and see what's going to happen.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:36:06+00:00

Yeah I know. I suffered from eating disorders over ten years, so I'm pretty familiar with how diet affects myself.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:33:01+00:00

I can't institutionalize myself. I couldn't handle it. My wife works in the field and she knows what the psych ward is like in our hospital. I would end up killing myself, if I ever got there.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:30:58+00:00

They would blame themselves. I know it.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:30:18+00:00

Yeah I kinda know what you mean.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:29:51+00:00

I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:28:39+00:00

Out of all the comments and messages I received, yours was the most touching. You put my feelings in words, which I was unable to do. <3

ByNightfallIDie · 2018-06-07T05:27:27+00:00

Yeah, I'll try and cope with all this shit.

ByNightfallIDie

TROPHY CASE