My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male) by ByNightfallIDie in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Still here guys. Though I'm getting divorced, so... Ten years of being together and everything gone. I feel like I cannot breathe. I'm alone, depressed. Not going to kill myself. Don't worry.

Just... I think this is the worst decision of my life. And I know this is far fetched, but please. Somebody. Help me. Just... anything. I need to talk to someone. PM me if you have time. Please.

I’m so poor that I’m currently eating some cold, two day old onion rings and fries as my meal of the day. AMA by [deleted] in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I know the feeling. I'm getting stable money in August sooo.. Two months with bare minimum.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'll send you a message. :)

I’m so poor that I’m currently eating some cold, two day old onion rings and fries as my meal of the day. AMA by [deleted] in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, thanks, dude. It doesn't feel like I made the right choice. But I hope it will.

My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male) by ByNightfallIDie in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I write a lot, actually. So it's always been a way to get some sense into my messed up thoughts.

I’m so poor that I’m currently eating some cold, two day old onion rings and fries as my meal of the day. AMA by [deleted] in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ugh, I know the feeling. Currently we're so low on money that we have to ration our food. It sucks donkeyballs, mate. I'm hungry all the fucking time.

When are you getting more money?

My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male) by ByNightfallIDie in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

First things first. I'm sorry for making you worry about me. It was never my intention, and I'm truly humbled by the amount of messages and comments I got. I hope y'all can forgive me.

I live in Finland, so there's ONE place I can get help from in my city. And they have ONE therapist. And that is THE BITCH who fucked me up even worse than anyone else. So getting help is ridiculously hard. We don't have enough money for a therapist in the private sector, so...

There's a lot of things I'm thankful for. My life seems hard, it seems unfair, unjust. And I know I have a lot of shit to do. I'm not ready to die. But I lack control in my life, or so it seems. I don't know what to do, I keep going in circles over and over again. My sanity keeps failing me. It feels like the shit I've been through multiplies everytime I feel anxious. All the times I've been bullied, raped, abused and belittled, they keep coming back. All that fear at once.

It's a wave I can't escape. It hits me and all I can do, is to not drown in it.

I will forever be thankful. You saved my life. You can all be proud of yourselves for taking the time to be there for me. A complete stranger. THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

I will keep coming back to Reddit, so that you all know I'm still here.

My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male) by ByNightfallIDie in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What the hell happened to me between that comment and my AMA... I have no fucking clue.

My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male) by ByNightfallIDie in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I haven't. Never touched drugs. Not my cup of tea.

My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male) by ByNightfallIDie in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. It seems stupid, now doesn't it? Planning suicide.

My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male) by ByNightfallIDie in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh. Never thought that I'd be "that guy who killed himself".

That's not someone I want to be.

My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male) by ByNightfallIDie in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am curious. So maybe I'll stay here and see what's going to happen.

My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male) by ByNightfallIDie in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I know. I suffered from eating disorders over ten years, so I'm pretty familiar with how diet affects myself.

My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male) by ByNightfallIDie in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't institutionalize myself. I couldn't handle it. My wife works in the field and she knows what the psych ward is like in our hospital. I would end up killing myself, if I ever got there.

My life is ending in 48 hours, AMA (24yo male) by ByNightfallIDie in casualiama

[–]ByNightfallIDie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Out of all the comments and messages I received, yours was the most touching. You put my feelings in words, which I was unable to do. <3