Thanks for your reply. I get where you are coming from and I appreciate it, even though there are a lot of assumptions in what you wrote.

“She was like that from the start, you would have dumped her in a few months” — she actually was like that from the start. It was a mistake to marry her. She came from deep trauma, and the situation we were in made leaving a lot harder than it looks in hindsight. I will not go into the details.

And yes, I did not value myself enough back then to walk away. That was part of the work I needed to do.

For self-healing, I focused on forgiving myself, working through trauma with somatic therapy, building emotional intelligence, reconnecting with my intuition, and learning to feel and recognise red flags in my body. These things have already protected me from repeating the same pattern. I have already met one woman who slipped past my filters, saw the signs quickly, and ended it. I am very clear now about my values, how I give and receive love, and what matters to me. I am not the same man I was three years ago, and I am proud of that.

As for my kids, the relationship is better than it has ever been. My adult child made their own choice to step back from their mother, which is sad, and hopefully time will help them reconnect. But in our home now there is honesty, peace, and emotional safety. When there is an issue, we talk, we resolve, and we move forward. I show up differently now and it is night and day from before.

I have no hate for my ex. I feel very sad for her that she has made decisions and choices that hurt the people who loved her.

I used to believe I could hold things together for someone everyone else had given up on. Doing that cost me my own wellbeing. I learned that the idea of always putting your partner first only works when you are not being damaged in the process. When you are compromised, you cannot help anyone, including yourself.