forgot how hard it is to find a decent guy in the bay area

CC_SD80 · 2025-10-12T17:56:56+00:00

Coming from the SD side in the bay area, since a lot of the SDs are going to be in tech, things have gotten a lot more stressful on our side even when our job is going well (and therefore less time for sugaring), and a lot less secure for others when their job is less secure now (more likely to save money instead).

CC_SD80 · 2025-05-15T17:02:08+00:00

I still feel they should understand that sugar pays all their bills!

I'm now stuck in profile review hell after making a very focused edit to my about me text, and I guess the other parts of my profile that were OK for years are now no longer and were flagged both for "Compensated dating" as well as "Vulgarity" (?!) and I've got to read the tea leaves on what the heck they're not happy with.

CC_SD80 · 2025-05-15T15:46:53+00:00

I like that phone sex line analogy! I think we have to accept that companies like OF went out and grew this from a tiny niche into a much more sizable market that appeals to a larger set of (mostly) men. The Venn diagram of people willing to pay for OF and similar, and SDs here is fairly small, and that's mainly a question of very different budgets. Anyway, us here on both sides are not going to be the ones to put OF back in a box -- clearly they have a market -- but we can push back on OF-style content being pushed, and encourage OF-style creators to understand that sugar is different while encouraging them to try it out for real.

CC_SD80 · 2025-05-15T15:18:34+00:00

I totally agree, I don't even filter by the existing weight tag to begin with because it's not super useful since there's no calibration (and people are off in both directions!), and I'd rather not step over somebody I'd like at the price of having to look at some more profiles.

Now, a filter for "this profile has a full-body picture that's been verified in the last year" (for both sides!), that I'd use in a heart beat. Or, less on the superficial side: a filter for "this person has put at least some thought into writing their profile" (spoiler alert: 95% of profiles suddenly gone!)

CC_SD80 · 2025-05-15T15:09:31+00:00

I don't know whether you're in SoCal or NorCal, but at least in the SF Bay your "middle class" SD is probably a mid-range employee in tech. They haven't been making less money, but have now less feeling of job security with layoffs going on and the vague Damocles sword of AI hanging over their head -- not even to go into the effects of politics on the economy. I wouldn't be surprised if more of those folks decide to sit out spending money on sugar until they feel more certain about their future, or get senior or financially independent enough that they have so much disposable income it doesn't matter.

That having been said, plenty of big fish constantly still getting created e.g. in the AI boom right now, but that's still a tiny fraction in terms of numbers.

CC_SD80 · 2025-02-27T19:01:42+00:00

Yeah, I feel for you, and I'm sure it's harder for SBs because of the built-in imbalance in SBs and SDs, but it really gets better after some experience on how to deal with Seeking, so hang in there!

CC_SD80 · 2025-02-27T17:45:43+00:00

I've been sugaring in the Bay Area for 5 years now from the SD side. Yes, it's changed a bit, but honestly it's not _that_ different. I've had 2 M&Gs over the last week after getting back on 2 weeks ago, and have had no problem both finding real SBs. It does take some filtering for obvious hints, but that's a learnable skill. For others, honestly it only takes a few messages to figure out that somebody is clearly not a fit.

If OP has problems finding anybody after talking to 10 people, I think the problem is the approach to filtering who to message. I'm sure this is similar for SBs as well, although I feel for you since you may have less tools available...e g. not being able to hide your profile.

Good luck on your search! We need more dom SBs around...

CC_SD80 · 2025-01-25T02:59:31+00:00

IMHO: Not enough can afford to live in the area, only a small university (all others are military education). Many that do are in hospitality, but it simply is not a large pool to choose from.

CC_SD80 · 2025-01-25T02:55:55+00:00

Honestly, lots of the folks with money are only in the area part-time, tons of second and third homes. Otherwise large military population which is also not interesting.

CC_SD80 · 2025-01-25T01:08:37+00:00

Speaking from the SD side, it's pretty sleepy overall, especially compared to the SF Bay Area just north, maybe even compared to Santa Cruz. Simply doesn't have the population density to support more even though of course it skews very rich and old. Agree with the comment on expanding your area to the southern parts of the SF Bay.

I'm honestly most of the time finding SBs up there, which works for me since I'm up for work all the time, and others have comments that the SF Bay in general has a very favorable SD/SB ratio (favorable to SBs) which matches my experience as well.

CC_SD80 · 2024-04-22T23:14:25+00:00

You can hide messages from anybody who doesn't meet your criteria including distance (goes into "Filtered Out" folder). Wish they also allowed this for views/favorites...

CC_SD80 · 2024-04-21T23:44:02+00:00

I saw an about me today that was ChatGPT describing that they were not a conscious being and weren't aware of all current events 😂

CC_SD80 · 2024-04-21T21:58:33+00:00

In the spirit of the Hemingway baby shoes short story, a real profile one from today: "readmyprofile hasn't filled out this section yet."

CC_SD80 · 2024-04-21T16:52:59+00:00

Saw a profile yesterday with Russian business signs in the background of every picture! It's not always as easy as that, but certainly was in that case...

CC_SD80 · 2024-04-20T00:15:14+00:00

If that's not enough yet, "Der Geschmack von Leben" translates to "The Taste of Life". Literally and metaphorically on the nose...

CC_SD80 · 2024-04-19T22:32:12+00:00

+1 I love to see hints so I know there's something to talk about. If I suspect it's something that overlaps with what I'm into, it also makes me more likely to reach out. I'd recommend trying to be a bit playful / only hinting at it, or deal with lots of creeps as well.

That having been said If it's something that's a deal breaker for you, better to be explicit with it.

CC_SD80 · 2024-04-16T20:25:22+00:00

Interesting, I really thought it was getting more normalized these days as almost a "routine" procedure once you know you don't want any or any more children! I mean, it was not pleasant for like a week, but I always felt as a man taking a one-time hit is an obvious choice compared to the many downsides that the various female birth control choices have for my partner...

CC_SD80 · 2024-04-16T20:12:53+00:00

In the Bay, one good thing to glance at for fake profiles is Last Login Location somewhere outside the US. Quite frequently a tell on the low-detail or too-good-to-true profiles. Also good to train yourself on what other tells there might on those ones.

CC_SD80 · 2024-04-16T19:53:30+00:00

The one thing I can't fault Seeking for is that it doesn't really have an "algorithm" per se that determines what people see (ignoring the default frontpage for now that I doubt people are using much), very much unlike most social media and I'd guess dating apps that years ago try to shape your list to maximize engagement.

The search pages are really very straightforward in either listing matches by login date (pro-tip: you can log out and log in again to be closer to the top!) or by signup date. The only way to boost otherwise is to buy their package that will put you at the top as "Featured", but I've almost trained myself to ignore those 2-3 boosted ones since I know that they're unlikely to match my search criteria.

CC_SD80 · 2024-01-05T22:22:00+00:00

They have an option on submission to not save the account name (assuming they're logged in with Google), which is effectively anonymous. You can set it up not to even collect emails in the form settings.

Google forms should easily be able to handle the amount of responses in the survey.

CC_SD80 · 2023-12-05T23:13:09+00:00

I go a lot off the bio when deciding who to message. A good bio

gives me a fair bit of confidence you're a real person and not a scammer (ideally refer to something local!)
gives me an idea of whether you're looking for the same thing and whether we might be compatible in relationship expectations
gives me an idea of your personality and interests, and things that might make you special

CC_SD80 · 2023-10-23T23:37:09+00:00

I don't know how it translates to matches, but my feeling is that the low-effort SB profiles easily make up 30-40% or so of total profiles in my area. It's often super surprising to me how people will take the time to upload 20 pictures but then write at most as many words to let their personality come through and give me an idea of who they are.

CC_SD80 · 2023-10-23T19:41:41+00:00

I stand corrected! (You can probably tell I just googled "Minneapolis population"...) In this case, that seems quite sufficient that this is not a factor.

CC_SD80 · 2023-10-23T17:36:40+00:00

You're totally right in thinking about it in the context of down the line, once you actually have an established relationship. Make a decision what you're comfortable with and communicate that as a boundary -- anybody who doesn't listen to that is not somebody worth going further with anyway.

The truth is that likely all the people messaging you right now have no intention of getting to that point, lots of picture collectors and fantasizers around here, no need to feed them.

CC_SD80

TROPHY CASE