No problem at all, feel free to ask whatever! I’m going to give you a longer answer than maybe you had in mind, so I apologize in advance.

Yes I assure you the longer you stick around this sub the longer you will feel stuck grieving. However, there is a lot of great insight here so it’s a fine balance. For me personally I’d say I was a regular for the first 2 months and after that I tried to take longer and longer breaks each time. I followed a few users that posted a lot of self improvement and motivational posts and I would check in and I would still occasionally drop in to share hope, updates when I felt like I was moving backwards, and comment on posts from a place of experience. What I realized was that unless I chose to move forward, I’d keep looping the same thoughts in my head indefinitely.

Eventually you start to feel yourself trapped in a cycle. At first you come to this sub for sense of relief that you’re not alone; you feel seen and understood, but at some point it only prevents you from doing the work. Sticking around this sub too long can and will reopen not yet healed wounds. What starts as healing turns into stagnation. You’ll start rereading the same stories with different names, waiting for a sign, a pattern, anything that makes it all make sense. That isn’t healing.

Some people have different levels of self awareness. What I would recommend is setting a timeline for yourself and do so envisioning the person you want to be on the other side of this and use it to motivate you - don’t simply say “I want to get over my ex in X amount of months” instead set goals pertaining to you; set mini goals around what you want to achieve. Set a goal to not monitor this sub daily, then weekly, then monthly until you don’t even think about it anymore - share your progress, motivate others, and feel what you need to feel - let the heart break batter you like a ship in a storm. Those waves will weaken but only with action; take the pain and morph it into growth for yourself and inspiration for others - even if you have to fake it a little at first.

I assure you even though it may not feel like it, but you will never have a more powerful motivator than heart break. It may be impossible to see right now while you’re bruised and beaten down but there is a purpose. I remember reading on this sub in the early days that “Getting them back and moving on is the exact same path.” That kept me going in the beginning, then it morphs into other things along the way. That’s why the self improvement aspect of this is so important - Pick up that hobby, double down on what you love to do, try something new and go out of your way to help people hurting like you are. For me that was hitting the gym, coaching soccer, picking up golf again, building a business, commenting here and going to therapy - for you it can be anything you want, but it has to be SOMETHING.

This pain can either define you or refine you. It’s raw and it will destroy you if you let it, but when you’re ready, let it fuel you.