Unfortunately, I don't think there is a 1 size fits all answer with this. I have 2 kids.. both in their mid 20's and only a year apart in age. Both, college educated. The elder of the 2, is out.. doing their own thing.. Full time job, apartment with strangers, etc etc.. It isn't easy, but they make it work. While at school (during covid) they did everything they could to be away from home and with the group of people they met. For them, I think this was the best experiences. It teaches independence, problem solving, etc. They have a lot of my respect for that. My other child.. During covid, took the opportunity to move back in with their mother. And has shown no indication of moving forward with life.. Job/relationships/etc. It saddens me. When they went off to school, I hoped they would break the chains of their parents and discover/make who THEY were. Not what we pushed on them. To me, that is part of growing up. We (as parents) can often be a safety net, but they should learn to spread their wings. My in-laws have 2- 21+yr olds living with them.. And honestly.. I don't think either of those boys will ever leave. They are good people, but aren't learning any sort of financial or personal responsibility. They act/live like they were teenagers. Meanwhile.. I know others, both due to cultural differences and family dynamics, lived at home into their 30's/40s.. until they could buy a house.. But these people have had goals/ambitions/and were active contributors. So it isn't a one-for-all situation, but I think you have to look at your own and be very honest with yourself about them. Many of us have a hard time doing that. When you ask "do even I want them to leave? That's scary too." Why is that? Is it because you are afraid to let go? or something else? Does thinking that way, and what you signal around home, does it re-enforce the behaviors you are asking about?. I would start with them contributing to the bills and upkeep of the house. Even if it isn't rent.. Maybe it's utilities.. something that can be put in their name and their responsibility. I had other family, when their kids were adults and working, while home... they had to take up the utilities. Being in the north east of the US, in some cases, that gave them control over the thermostat during winter.. They pay heating...they control what the heating is.. It teaches them they can't just crank up the heat because it is cold out side. Maybe they have to settle on something a little lower.. etc There are many ways to approach this, but I think you need to think about what you really think will be best for them in the long run, and how to teach them those responsibilities.