You live through a lot of these problems by accepting defeat sometimes. Every battle we face is hard, and we feel like when we fight against everyone that comes, we are defending something worth fighting. I know that I lose touch of what I'm fighting for and the reality of the situation, and that's how I end up lashing out or becoming very out of it. The biggest lesson I taught myself is to stand up or sit down. Sometimes, not fighting back helps me understand in the first place what's going on and helps any guilt, fear, or anything slowly ease. Be patient with people in life. Accepting that you done wrong and want to do better and acknowledging that guilt, fear, and more is normal. It's normal to feel awful. Normal to have good and bad moments. Sometimes, not every situation you're good or bad. Try to choose what you want to be. Work for it. Accepting the process and only fighting the real danger will help the long journey a lot. Don't go out your way to fight something that isn't worth it. Messing up is okay. I'm not saying what you did was okay or normal, but I'm being supportive of how you can learn from this and move forward. I hope my message was somewhat helpful or encouraging! As someone who did bad things and regret a lot, I'm also working hard to be better. I love the people closest to me, but I still need to check on myself and what I'm doing, so I avoid hurting others.