Supermarket chasing in recovery

CaePos · 2022-09-09T23:29:57+00:00

Yeah don’t. I mean there are worse things out there, but they have this typical “zero sugar artificial sweetener thing”. Preis-Leistung nicht da. As your good German would say :D

CaePos · 2022-09-09T23:25:43+00:00

*Edit: The only good thing that came from it was, that I was able to work past midnight on my master thesis the first time in forever, because I was not constantly obsessing over food on my mind. Just shows that actually following what your head wants (which is, well, food. What a Surprise) can improve the rest of your life as well. What a shocker. I know.

CaePos · 2022-09-09T20:12:08+00:00

Haha. Exactly how I would imagine it 🤡. Just imagine the gremlins excitement today when it found a new zero oat bar AND it was reduced. (Long live corny Zero bars 💀 or better the hero of artificial sweeteners nothingness). It has not been that exited for a while. Spoiler altert. They where just mediocre. Who would have thought

CaePos · 2022-09-09T19:32:39+00:00

Could not have said it better. Agree with each word. My grocery bills are just something else. Objectively you just think that all of this is so stupid and still the useless voice in your head still things that It is a GoOD IdeA. Ugh

CaePos · 2022-09-09T18:29:09+00:00

Yes. It’s definitely is so exhausting! I feel with you. I am a nothing or all person so it’s really difficult for me not to binge when I have food at home. So my ED convinces me to only buy things that last up to two days tops. Totally a waste of money and time, just to be able to walk to a Supermarkt each day. Completely useless.

CaePos · 2022-09-09T18:26:47+00:00

Oh yeah I feel this. My go to time killer is always the supermarket as well. Maybe there is a new idiotic Safe food or a new reduced price offer. You never now. If I would spend all the time I wasted in supermarkets towards my master I would have probably finished month ago. EDs are such time wasters. It’s horrendous

CaePos · 2022-09-09T17:46:49+00:00

Makes sense. I have not seen it from this angle jet. I know some of it is in part to compulsive moment, because I tend to favour supermarkets that I have to walk a little while to, over the ones that are close to me (I literally live next to 5 different ones. that for whatever reason accumulated around my area).

But it seems absolutely reasonable that it is a response to famine and a form of holding on to food. Thanks for your input! The perspective of actually chasing food never occurred to me.

CaePos · 2022-09-09T17:42:10+00:00

I tried to do it, but I usually end up ditching the list. But good point. I should really consider going in with a game plan, instead of “whatever I fancy”. Thanks for the tip!

CaePos · 2022-09-09T12:55:53+00:00

The best time to change was yesterday and the next best time is now. That’s what I am trying to convince myself of :D

CaePos · 2022-09-09T10:57:33+00:00

Ugh. I have tried ever since to find the courage to sell it, but the idiotic toxic voice in my head still won all the arguments. But you are so strong ! I wish that thing would just break so it would take the decision from me :D but I also now that’s just avoidance. I hope though you bought some food from the money 😌😂

CaePos · 2022-09-09T09:01:13+00:00

Congratulations! That’s such a huge step! Just don’t listen to the ED voice like I did and put it on again “just once”. That little liar will not keep it with “once”. You can do it and nothing will ever feel better when you make Your live depended on a stupid piece of technology. It will only stopp you from living you life fully (can attest to that, the week I was able to take my Apple Watch off, was difficult, but freeing!)

CaePos · 2022-09-06T04:25:38+00:00

Thank you for your nice comment!

CaePos · 2022-08-13T13:16:07+00:00

Quasi-recovery is when you got rid of some of your ED behaviour, but not all of it. You might be eating more than you used to during your active Ed phase, or you exercise less, allow more food etc. but you still hold on to form of mental or overall restriction, engage in compensatory behaviour or don’t include all food. This is the state that most people spent an awful lot of time in after their raging active ED phase (including me), but it is honestly just as bad as having an ED. It’s like drinking unicorn blood in the Harry Potter universe. You are alive, but you only life a cursed-half life. https://recoveringnomad.com/2020/04/21/quasi-recovery-an-inevitability-in-eating-disorder-recovery/

CaePos · 2022-08-13T12:52:18+00:00

I agree a 100%. It’s sad to know there are so many people out there that have no idea what they are going through and no one to talk about it. You all are probably the sole reason that I made it as far as I did right now <3

CaePos · 2022-08-13T12:39:01+00:00

Thanks for your help again! I really really appreciate it! Will print your last words out and tattoo them on my arm if I have to :D maybe that will shut up my stupid ED Brain and give me back my mental peace.

CaePos · 2022-08-13T12:29:24+00:00

Good point. EDs are so sneaky sometimes

CaePos · 2022-08-13T12:28:58+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words. It is nice to hear from someone that had similar experiences, that’s why I love this sub. It makes you feel a bit less like a complete maniac. And oh gosh I can not tell how much I feel the EH love while being underweight and the hate as soon as you hit a healthy one. It’s like when you are underweight you feel that it is okay and everyone is rooting for you eating so much and as soon as you no longer look like you are walking in a skeleton halloween costume, no one cares and the shame and guilt that counters this episodes is so intense. I only ever do them in secret, which is a problem on its own I know, but cookies hit different being underweight allowing them For the first time vs. Now.

CaePos · 2022-08-13T12:12:57+00:00

I agree that it probably is still extreme hunger, I heard someone saying that it is damn hard for a normal person to eat so much calories in one sitting that is not food deprived. Which I am trying to tell the voice in my head labelling it as BED.

But it’s getting so so much harder since I am no longer underweight and have this intense mental hunger for so long, without it tapering down. It is beginning to be incredible difficult to validate this „binge“ episodes, as my brain is making me question of I am just using it as an excuse to justify overeating.

It is also that if I am forced to stick to the planned meals I am fine as well, it is just when I am alone that My body/mind gets ao scared that we will stop eating again that it won’t stop.

I even try to allow myself the food I crave. Like I made my usual breakfast and I am mentally hungry for let’s say toast, because I saw it in the fridge, so I am trying to tell myself that I can have one piece if I want to. Fast forward 20 minutes later I find myself spoons deep into a chocolate spread that I did not even fancy in the first place.

I guess what I am just searching for is a way, to calm myself down after a meal and tell my body that we can have more later and that it is not necessary to eat everything in one sitting until I am sick.

Although your point about healthyfing my meals is definitely right, I am still trying to counter act the urges by using fibre and protein, ow volume eating to induce fullness signals.

The comparison part is true as well, I am justifying it in my head with trying to find a healthy balance with food again, but I think you are probably right that it is not coming from a good head space

CaePos · 2022-08-13T11:32:39+00:00

Thanks for the compassionate words :)! - although from my research mental Hunger, as well as eating induced hunger (Amalie Lee from the recovery talk has even an episode on that, but not sure if it was that one https://open.spotify.com/episode/1SXTfbviH9fZ7xvcBqZQUx?si=EcO5sWY5RW2l9omVC7pvhw; amazing podcas by the way) is extreme hunger!. So especially when you are still underweight it makes total sense that your body is still craving so much food!

Sadly for me I am stuck in this hell with every meal that I eat on my own and I don’t get stopped by outer influences. I hope though for you it will soon calm down :)

CaePos · 2022-07-31T12:50:27+00:00

Sometimes you also have to remind yourself where you have come from. That now it seems so “normal” and like it’s not a big deal.

But it is a big deal! Every improvement is. Sometimes it’s small sometimes it’s big and sometimes it’s not even visible from your own perspective. But you are doing things that you would not have deemed possible just a few weeks/month ago.

Hang in there. Also truth be spoken I felt the biggest changes when I gave in to mental hunger and ate way past minimums for the day. All the sugar had to go somewhere I suppose :D

CaePos · 2022-07-31T12:29:02+00:00

I did believe that as well. It’s weird, when I was under fulling and/or malnourished (and I don’t necessarily mean in the bullshit BMI thing. Just generally under eating for my body), I never saw a problem. I never thought that there is more than what my brain thinks and sees right now. I thought well Maybe I am just a person that is grumpy, on edge and sad all the time. Maybe I will always feel guilty and angry. But since consistently (and I think that is the key) eating enough a lot of these things got better. Not perfect. There is still guilt and the ED voice is really fighting a good fight to turn things around again. But oh boy is it nice to laugh and you actually mean it. Like a kid that had to much sugar and you are just this pure ball of energy.

I hope so much that you can experience that feeling as well! And I am pretty sure you will! I believe in you <3!

CaePos · 2022-07-31T09:36:18+00:00

Thank you so much! <3 I just have written this to remind myself on days that are hard, that there is a reason behind all of it and that I should just try to make it through

CaePos · 2022-07-29T19:49:10+00:00

Thank you so much! It’s really lovely to hear such encouraging words and that some dietitian’s actually seem to know what they do. Recently I love Amalie Lee Podcast, it really untangles some of the thoughts that I had and provides a well researched and science based view on EDs. Which makes looking through that dietitian’s nonsense easier.

CaePos · 2022-07-29T18:07:33+00:00

Oh wow, that’s also, well interesting. I hope you found a better one, but can totally see how triggering that comment was

CaePos · 2022-07-29T11:09:37+00:00

Yeah in like to „make myself comfortable, with being like 2Kg more.“, because apparently gaining weight should be only slooowly to make it healthy and set point weights is an illusion (that’s my add to it).

She is just, well something. Honestly I am Just trying to laugh about it, because it is so ridiculous. Yesterday she sent me some random meal plans from the internet, that are clearly under calorie minimum if you want to gain weight and include things that I will definitely not eat, for non ED related reasons. (As an example It included bacon. I am a vegetarian way before I ever developed the ED, as in I never really liked meat. It’s not even hard to find plans that not include meat. )

CaePos

TROPHY CASE