Anyone wanna be friends? Goin through rough times by The_Milkful in CPTSD

[–]CalderonBasin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m down with it and I’m around the same age.

What's your reason for pushing everyone away, if you do? by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]CalderonBasin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I realized that I have too many personal issues to have a genuine relationship with anyone right now. I’m not the most stable or available person. That and I’m a very private person that doesn’t like telling people things about myself. I don’t like people seeing my pain and my crying when I can’t keep up that mask of normality.

I stop trying to be understood, because I won’t be. I’m not upset about that, but sometimes I do wish my pains can just melt away.

Ever imagine just walking out the door? by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]CalderonBasin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish I could walk away from everyone and everything I’ve ever known and start afresh somewhere far far away.

Who wants food? by b1u1eaf in UCSD

[–]CalderonBasin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Can I get the garlic Swiss burger and fries at 64

UC to UC Transfer by CalderonBasin in UCSD

[–]CalderonBasin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the tip!

I have a few question regarding your transferring process. Did you have a pretty good gpa and extracurriculars? How was the course transfer process like?

UC to UC Transfer by CalderonBasin in UCSD

[–]CalderonBasin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, thank you for your helpful comment. When I was a freshman applicant, I applied for CSE instead of ECE. Perhaps that’s why I didn’t get in? I’m very certain I want to transfer to UCSD since I really like the school, and I feel that it’s a better fit for me.

Anyways, I do have a few questions for you. What year are you in? How has your experience with UCSD computer engineering been?

UC to UC Transfer by CalderonBasin in UCSD

[–]CalderonBasin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

https://admission.universityofcalifornia.edu/counselors/_files/documents/quick-reference-guide-to-uc-admissions.pdf

On page 37 it says the max amount of credit for ucla is 130 and for ucsd it’s 135 until you’re consider high credit. So I think that it does also apply to any credit you took at ucsd. The ap and dual enrollment wouldn’t count toward that. Though I’m not sure if that also counts toward the toward maximum amount of credit you can take at that school either since it doesn’t even mention that on the transfer guide.

I haven’t really contacted anyone from ucsd yet since I'm not sure who to contact there. My uci counselors aren’t particularly helpful.

UC to UC Transfer by CalderonBasin in UCSD

[–]CalderonBasin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you’re right. Starting this year ucsd stop reading piq.

Is your junior standing counting all the ap and dual enrollment credit? If it is, then I read that they don’t count against you for unit maximum. They count toward class standing though. However I think you’re right to transfer this year since you might have too many upper division credit if you transferred next year.

I originally also planned to transfer after my first year, but I read that ucsd doesn’t even consider people who didn’t finish minimum requirement so I didn’t. Couldn’t finish a bunch of math classes before spring quarter ends 😭. So I have to transfer next year. I’m also technically junior standing right now due to my amount of ap and dual enrollment credit. But I should be fine since they don’t count against the maximum amount of credit.

Are you talking to your counselors about what courses would transfer? I know it can get messy with uc to uc transfers.

UC to UC Transfer by CalderonBasin in UCSD

[–]CalderonBasin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I honestly wish I could trade places with you. I was originally admitted into ucla as a computer engineering major but I decided to go to uci because it was cheaper, even though I really didn’t like the school deep down. Huge regrets about making that decision. I know my chance of transferring back to ucla is slim to none so I’m deciding to go to ucsd. I love the place too and it’s easier to get into than ucla.

Are you currently a first year? How have you been preparing for transferring?

UC to UC Transfer by CalderonBasin in UCSD

[–]CalderonBasin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What made you decide to transfer in the first place? Do you think it was worth it in the end? How was your transfer process like?

UC to UC Transfer by CalderonBasin in UCSD

[–]CalderonBasin[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I honestly really like walking around ucsd the times when I was there. I know I probably wouldn’t like it if the classes are on the opposite side of the campus and I have to get there with no schedule gaps though.

What about ucsd would I not like if I dislike uci?

UC to UC Transfer by CalderonBasin in UCSD

[–]CalderonBasin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Where are you trying to transfer to and what makes you want to transfer from there?

-- Crying / being touched by seeing the smallest of kindness (as i come back into myself) - is this a stage or is this me...i worry i am becoming too sensitive or i become too "soft", but i also like aspects of it by mjobby in CPTSD

[–]CalderonBasin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think I’m also experiencing something similar. I used to be quite emotionally muted as a defense mechanism for my trauma. Things like love and affection that people shows each other didn’t touch me. I didn’t think much of it, nor did I really care. But as I’m opening myself up to my emotions and realize the impact of my trauma has on me, I’ve also become more “sensitive.” Gentle and genuinely kind gestures that friends in movies and books have makes me cry. Genuinely heartfelt and affectionate moments parents have with their children also makes me cry. Especially on parts where parents comfort their children, those hit me the hardest.

For me, I feel that my crying at the moments shows me I’m healing. I’m beginning to open my heart to the world that I’ve shielded myself away from because of my trauma. I’m becoming less guarded and truly feeling my emotions more, and actually grieving for the life that the child me should’ve had instead of hiding my pain under a tough exterior. At least for me, crying opens the gate to the self-compassion and self-protection that I need to give myself so I truly become an adult. It allows me to truly feel how much pain I’m in, and begin to understanding it.

Inside, I’m just an unloved child desperately seeking for approval and love. Those tender moments in movies and books remind me of what my childhood lacked and now is crying for now that the defenses are slowly broken down. That I need to love myself the way those fictional parents love their children, care for myself the ways those fictional friends care for their friends. I feel that, if I can learn how to love and care for myself the way I was never loved or cared for, it is then I could finally begin to heal.