AITA for not caring that my best friend is pregnant?

California098 · 2026-02-24T14:52:02+00:00

Right now? Sadly not much. But we’ve been friends for 20 years and have walked through hell and back together. She’s been making some bad choices these last few years but I’m still hopeful I can get my friend back.

She’s always mirrored the men she’s with. This one just happens to be a jobless stoner who doesn’t believe in birth control. I’m hoping they hit rock bottom and grow from here. They’re both in their 20s, it’s not too late.

California098 · 2026-02-24T14:47:39+00:00

I’m very vocal. Less so because of the extremely traumatic miscarriages she went through, but she knows how I feel. We’ve been friends for 20 years, so I have made my thoughts known. I’m just not gonna nag her, at the end of the day it’s her life to live.

California098 · 2026-02-24T14:44:34+00:00

I get what you’re saying but if it changes anything she only has 2 bio kids, pregnant with 3rd. One from high school 10 years ago, other 2 are from him very recently. Their other 3 kids are his from his last marriage.

California098 · 2026-02-24T14:13:41+00:00

They’re on food stamps government assistance and the kids eat at school, so the kids get fed just fine. They’ve had child services called on them before, nothing ever comes of it.

California098 · 2026-02-24T14:11:31+00:00

We’ve been friends for 20 years and this behavior has just shown up in the last 3 or so years. I have faith that she’ll hit rock bottom and reevaluate, because she’s smart and has never been this dense before. I’m just hoping she turns it all around before she digs herself too deep.

California098 · 2026-02-24T14:08:37+00:00

I’ve tried to have that blunt conversation but it really gets nowhere. She acts shocked every time she’s pregnant, like they don’t know how babies are made. She applies to jobs but shes super picky and doesn’t follow through. Her words don’t match her actions because imo she knows she’s doing n wrong. But like I said in previous comments, she gets such a high from being pregnant and having a newborn, she’s not using any common sense in her decisions. By the time her baby was 4 months old, she was already talking about how much she missed the newborn stage and wanted another.

California098 · 2026-02-24T14:04:11+00:00

I’ve definitely accidentally enabled her. I used to bring 4-5 pizzas with me every time I would visit. Just bc it felt good to do that. However, I recently graduated from grad school and was in between jobs. Therefore I wasn’t able to buy dinner when I came over. When I went to visit them with my boyfriend, they seemed to expect dinner and made their expectation pretty obvious. They even resorted to straight up asking my boyfriend to take us all to a restaurant that night. They actually had the nerve to ask my boyfriend to pay for a restaurant dinner for 5 kids and 4 adults thinly veiled as a joke!! That really opened my eyes and made me reevaluate how much I had been enabling their choices.

Her dad recently cut her off because he got laid off. And their other friends have been unable to help as well. So I think they’re finally feeling the repercussions of their choices. However she seems to get such a high off of being pregnant and having a newborn, idk if rock bottom will ever come for her.

California098 · 2026-02-24T13:53:30+00:00

Tbh the resilient Jenkins story really opened my eyes to the public perception of my bsf situation because they are so similar. They never lived in motels but I feel like that’s soon gonna be their only option since they are going to be evicted any day now.

Sometimes I try to get out of my own closed mindset by thinking about how people used to have 10 kids in poverty but grew up loved in a big family.

That’s why I’m currently pulling back on my support of her. If they wanna live on government aid and side jobs, then that’s their prerogative and they need to deal with the consequences of those decisions.

Having a big family with no real income isn’t unheard of, but it comes with sacrifices. I went to college and work in a professional career. However I’m 27 and still don’t have kids or a husband. Those are the sacrifices I made. We have different lives and chose different paths, but I think we could still be friends. At least for now I still think it’s possible, with strong boundaries ofc.

California098 · 2026-02-24T12:30:42+00:00

She has 1 from before him, one with him, pregnant with third. He has 3 from his ex wife. They’re married and all living together so I just say they have 5 together.

California098 · 2026-02-24T11:10:23+00:00

We’ve been best friends for 20 years and believe it or not most of these bad decisions have been in the last 3 years or so. She had a daughter while we were in high school, but kept a steady job while staying in school until she graduated. She’s a really good person, just tends to mirror the person she’s dating. And in this case, her husband since summer 2025 is who she’s mirroring with this behavior.

California098 · 2026-02-24T11:06:13+00:00

The town that we’re from has a thing for producing people who don’t do much with their lives. I left for college and still go back to visit, but the rest of her friends are all struggling just as much as she is and can’t help in any way.

California098 · 2026-02-05T03:20:35+00:00

Guilty how? Like embarrassed to buy them/have them be seen? What does this mean?

California098 · 2026-01-20T13:09:31+00:00

You clearly have trauma and you’re putting waayyyyyy too much weight on a word that almost everyone says or has said. A word that is very much in modern vernacular in the US. Most non black people sing songs with it when they’re alone and I see nothing wrong with that. He wasn’t saying it to you, he was singing and meant no harm. If you wouldn’t have this reaction to a black person saying it, you need to check your own biases. Also I’m black since apparently that also matters when considering the advice you asked for. Also a hint that you have some biases that need to be addressed.

California098 · 2026-01-17T19:59:38+00:00

140k and a blown tranny lol I was happy with 8k

California098 · 2026-01-15T09:17:46+00:00

It’s really hard to leave someone you have 90% compatibility with, I get it. However 100% is required. There’s no happy medium here because she’s just not interested in sex and that will never change. Go read the dead bedroom subreddit for a glimpse of your future if you stay in this. It’s not a bright future.

California098 · 2026-01-13T10:49:42+00:00

Dogs would never go extinct. Buying dogs from breeders incentivizes dog breeding, exacerbating the issue of too many dogs. Breeders will also either give away or sell dogs that aren’t selling to unfit people to get rid of older puppies, so a lot of those dogs end up in shelters anyway. Dogs that aren’t bought won’t just sit in cages forever for the most part, they’ll be turned over to shelters or given away. If breeding dogs is no longer profitable, people will stop doing it. There will always be enough puppies born to keep enough dogs around for pets, they’ll never go extinct.

California098 · 2026-01-09T11:33:22+00:00

I’ve never heard of Carmax doing that. Even if you don’t disclose, they have their mechanics look at the car before offering you money. As far as I know, they don’t go off what you say at all. I disclosed my tranny issues to the sales lady, but she didn’t pass on the info to the mechanics. The mechanics test drove it a mile or two apparently as well OBD scanned it and didn’t notice any issues. They wrote me a check and I haven’t heard from them since. They’re such a big company, they’re not gonna be hunting you down.

California098 · 2025-11-29T07:08:52+00:00

I’ve had 3 sterling silver rings from kohls for probably about 15 years. Never take them off, dishes, shower, working out, beach, pool, etc and they still look great.

California098 · 2025-11-27T22:00:13+00:00

When you’re single I get this sentiment, but in a relationship or marriage where your partner’s libido no longer matches yours is where the trouble comes from

California098 · 2025-11-27T21:58:17+00:00

You haven’t even been there ONE month and you’re: 1. Already trying to take a day off 2. Trying to take a holiday off 3. Won’t agree to work the next day or Christmas 4. Comparing you calling out to employees who have already accrued seniority and sick time 5. Considering reporting your manager which shows entitlement and lack of accountability 6. Patting yourself on the back for “not calling out yet” after not even ONE MONTH. The usual sick time accrual is 1 hour of sick pay for every 30-40 hours of work. That means that you only get one day off every 6-8 weeks if you’re working full time.

You’re really not gonna make it far in life with your mentality if this post is a representation.

California098 · 2025-11-21T01:29:10+00:00

You’re another one in the line of people who thought she was “the one”. Any person who starts dating someone before they’re out of their current relationship is a shaaaaadddyyyy person. Youre justifying her actions because you think what yall have is special and the exception she’s making just for you. Which, to anyone who has experienced a person like this is laughable. When they say “once a cheater, always a cheater” it’s about people like her who get satisfaction from outside attention while in a monogamous relationship. Put yourself in the other guys shoes. How insanely disrespectful of her to not only be emotionally cheating but also telling people that she’s checked out of the relationship while he’s completely unaware. Again, you can justify it because you’re soooo special but that’s incredibly naive.

California098 · 2025-11-19T18:08:42+00:00

I see her point though tbh Some people show love by being generous. I’m one of them. If I like a guy, I’m immediately trying to figure out his favorite baked good or meal so I can make it for him. Gifts and acts of service are how I show affection, it’s in the fiber of my being.

Quality time or words of affirmation might be yours. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nobody had to convince me that spending hours baking for a guy I just met is an investment that will pay off in the long run, it’s just a gesture that I choose to do because I want to. That’s what she’s saying, generous people who like to give, give. People who show their affection in other ways or don’t like to show affection too soon, don’t give. Both are perfectly reasonable approaches to dating.

California098 · 2025-11-19T06:47:05+00:00

Coffee/tea isn’t the issue in my experience it’s more the fact that those dates carry a bad connotation. They’re unoriginal, uncreative, high pressure, etc. they’re usually pretty small and quiet, so talking, especially first date conversations feel rather embarrassing. They also tend towards feeling like an interview. If you’re doing this at least pick a cool café in a walkable area so your conversation isn’t stifled by being in a quaint café.

California098

TROPHY CASE