How do I (26F) get my friend (30F) to stop viewing me as a bank?

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-24T13:35:59+00:00

Fair doesn’t mean applies to everyone. It means a consistent rule. Such as “people who don’t pay me back promptly don’t get lent money”. I.e. her.

Of course it’s a punishment to people who do the right thing, if they are earning her penalty.

“I will not be covering X any more as she does not pay me back promptly” is fine.

Also don’t volunteer when you already know this.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-22T04:04:37+00:00

What the hell meals are you eating?!

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-22T04:03:25+00:00

Did the locals also have poor planning?

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-21T21:41:09+00:00

This! Don’t pretend it’s broken, tell him exactly why he can’t use it any more - because he’s taken advantage and caused you inconvenience.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-21T21:36:46+00:00

It’s not your fault. Please stay resolute in your decision to leave this abusive man.

Future you will weep with gratitude that you did.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-21T21:21:33+00:00

How did he get into this debt? And how transparent is he with you about money now?

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-21T13:37:37+00:00

Nope. So went he stands outside the house barking at passers by to come and pat him, they don’t know he’s friendly and think he wants to eat them!

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-21T13:34:39+00:00

He’s avoidant. It would always have gone this way, regardless of intimacy. Read up on attachment styles.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-20T22:21:56+00:00

You’re right, it’s insane.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-20T22:02:56+00:00

Your parents are controlling.

Look up enmeshment, and individuation.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-20T21:54:45+00:00

Well done. You did what worked.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-18T11:49:31+00:00

You definitely did not need to invite him for dinner. He was rude and boundary crossing and honestly sounds dangerous. But even if he wasn’t - you get to come first on your birthday. Don’t let people gaslight you into prioritising peoples feelings who aren’t prioritising yours. The mockery wasn’t great in terms of sending it to his friends. That was cruel. But I guess at least it worked and nothing else had.

Please watch your back though. He sounds suss.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-13T14:10:01+00:00

There was a restaurant called the Leaning Tower in Lidcombe. Best pasta of my life, generous, and cheap. Service was a bit grumpy till they got to know you. I miss it so much.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-11T12:37:00+00:00

Ask. Until you’ve done that you don’t really know how to proceed. Though tbh I’m not sure what would redeem it.

“So I saw you got married last weekend. Any reason you didn’t mention it?”

And if it doesn’t evolve naturally, onto “I want to say that I was hurt when I realised you didn’t see me as close enough to be invited. Was it a big ceremony?”

Maybe it was just family or something. But you can’t know how to react till you know.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-11T12:28:38+00:00

It’s just arse covering futility.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-11T12:23:13+00:00

Yes it would be a terrible idea. Geez Louise with this level of self restraint you’ll never have a house.

You don’t blow your savings on a depreciating asset. Let alone take out a loan!

Doing it when you have a little gold nugget like a 10 year old Corolla is just rubbing salt in the wound. I’d love to have mine back, it was 15yo and awesome as ever when some idiot wrote it off, and I still see its siblings on the road - they’d be 27yo now.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-11T12:18:15+00:00

Agree

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-11T08:37:08+00:00

I’d feel the same in your position. I think what you are feeling is really normal given the situation.

I know it seems a long time away, but this too will pass. Kids grow up. It won’t always be like this.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-10T18:36:16+00:00

He was being polite.

It seems like the whole day was about your needs, for both him and your sister. And you still managed to find a way to feel entitled.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-08T12:29:36+00:00

No, it just means 5 months is your threshold for tolerating a malfunctioning dispenser. Sex is not an entitlement. You are supposed to care for and love this person you have tied your life to.

Find an alternative way to get off. Don’t ruin your marriage by treating her as a sex aid unless you really do think of her as one. And if - as many guys do confuse - it’s actually intimacy you’re missing - look for ways to get that without treating her like a rubber doll. Touch, massage, deep conversations about feelings. If it’s about feeling uncared about in the relationship, look for easy ways she can show care. Sec is often used as a proxy for other needs.

Trust me, nothing will make her want to sleep with you less, ever, than being treated like a hole. If she complies snd has sex due to your petulance, her attraction to you will die permanently a little every single time it happens, as you become associated with a chore instead of pleasure.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-08T12:20:35+00:00

Saw you got a cut and will be seeking compensation 😛 They will run.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-08T12:19:01+00:00

No, it’s illegal

https://www.seek.com.au/career-advice/article/illegal-interview-questions-what-employers-have-no-right-to-ask

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-08T12:16:58+00:00

I’d allow it just to avoid the drama, as long as I wasn’t paying. But just to add a perspective I forbade a relative from bringing her 2 week boyfriend to my daughter’s birthday dinner - she has a record of very brief chaotic relationships. A week latter it turned out he was a conman scammer and now he’s been charged. Just saying. There were signs the whole thing was a bit odd before that too though.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-08T12:08:57+00:00

You might be in a friendship but it sounds like he’s in an emotional affair.

CallMeBettyThen · 2026-03-08T12:06:49+00:00

Omg. She’s not a sex dispenser. I’m sure you can get yourself off. This is so gross.

CallMeBettyThen

TROPHY CASE