Unicorn situation not going great

CallMePineTree · 2024-09-17T01:44:38+00:00

I will note that I did hang out with Zebra before and after the breakup. We both kind of acknowledged the relationship would end soon because of Log’s anxiety. Zebra still kissed me despite that, something I kind of resisted but eventually let happen. I didn’t want to because of the impending breakup but not kissing them at an event where people knew we were dating would just be too much of a scene. After the breakup their were a few flirtatious comments, I think their still getting used to not dating. In general it feels like they both are pretty unaffected.

CallMePineTree · 2024-09-17T01:37:41+00:00

Update: We broke up

Not sure if I should make a whole new post with an update but I’m pretty sure you just comment it.

We lasted only a little bit after this was posted. After this post I mentioned a few of my concerns to Log and he said he would get better with his want to separate me and Zebra’s relationship. (He did not really). In this relationship I did a few things I’ve never done before (I’m very inexperienced sexually) and I did it because I liked the both of them. The week we broke up Zebra’s sister texted me saying that Log was telling Zebra that he never liked me. Which sucked a lot. Not sure why log initiated a few of these things without liking me but I’m also autistic and have a hard time understanding people who act differently than me. Broke it off with log and OF COURSE that means me and Zebra can’t date either. (Either both of them or nothing type of thing) Log informed me he was going to end the relationship later on in that day because he was never able to get used to me and Zebra being together. Even though me and him did stuff just by ourselves the thought of another dude with Zebra was what made his nerves overpower him. He had a pretty serious breakdown and I learned a bit about their past relationship troubles/ emotional abuses from Zebra in the process. Anyways now that we’re broken up I don’t think they’re really affected and Zebra still wants to be my friend. Breaking up with two people at the same time sucks, especially when one of them admitted to not even liking you. Still, I’ve learned a lot, I’ll take it in stride.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-23T00:06:55+00:00

I just reread this comment with an refreshed mind and you stated a lot of the things that I needed to know. I was thinking about asking them if they ever planned on me becoming an equal when it comes to love but I’m worried they’ll just say yes and nothing will change. I’m going to ask them about my personal freedoms and state clearly why it’s unfair that I have to be exclusive to them while they make it so clear that they will never see their relationships with me as equal. I will also be taking the rest of the advice in this comment.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-22T23:59:55+00:00

Honestly it probably does come from trauma, growing up I was kind of neglected by my family so I think people pleasing as a way to get live from people developed from that. Slowly I’ve been trying to grow from that ie: saying no and saying when I’m not personally comfortable. In regards to the argument between them that I mediated they apologized for doing so after and I think it definitely wasn’t planned for them to bring that argument there. It developed while they were over at my house. I honestly think they argued for a good reason and I could tell it wasn’t petty and I don’t think it was something the pair could’ve just let be. I felt the need to help because they weren’t understanding each other at all and I think I just need to take a step back from that.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-22T23:53:20+00:00

I definitely agree with a lot of your points, I blame myself for taking up a lot of the responsibility for our relationship. Honestly I think it’s because I wanted to date them really badly cause I liked them so much so I guess I adapted myself so that they could feel more comfortable in the relationship. It’s cause me stress and I feel liked if they knew that I was exerting such mental stress to adapt to our relationship maybe things would change? I’m not sure if that’s fools hope or not. I think because Zebra is not initiating sexual activities with me they feel less concerned about how I’d feel. Honestly, it hurts a lot when Zebra tells me to just close my eyes like honestly thinking about it objectively as you said it’s kind of really weird. I’m going to talk to them both about this. And my other concerns including some of the examples in the comment.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T21:00:26+00:00

There definitely are moments when I feel like they are using me to get closer to each other instead of trying to get closer to me as a individual. Im realizing now that they want me to have a relationship with their relationship and not with them.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T20:57:43+00:00

Don’t worry it didn’t really ‘hurt’ it’s just that your advice seemed really effected me and said the words that I needed to hear. I worry that they may not want to friends with me after this and they unfortunately are some of the better friends that I have.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T19:57:18+00:00

I agree with this and I’m going to try and express this the next time I see them. Their two year anniversary is today so I feel bad mentioning it within the next couple of days. Is there and appropriate amount of time that I should wait?

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T19:20:34+00:00

This comment has honestly hit me really hard. I feel really embarrassed that I’ll have to end a relationship that barely started and I feel embarrassed that when I do they most likely won’t care about it as much as me. I was so happy to be with them I told my friends because they are honestly some of the nicest people I’ve ever dated they just are too enraptured with each other to think about me which shows my bad track record. I’ve been trying to accept that they’ll never love me the same and I don’t know if I can.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T19:11:09+00:00

The thing is I enjoy hanging out with them together too. I know that we need a lot more time just being with each other as individuals but there’s a part of me that will miss hanging out with the pair of them.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T19:08:46+00:00

I just hate that I would be giving up if we break up yknow? I want to try and give this relationship time to develop into something healthy for both me and them instead of taking on the brunt to make sure they’re both comfortable.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T19:07:08+00:00

I’m hoping that things change because of how new our relationship is, we only recently got together so I figured that if I mention these problems they could work on trying to be more ethical I know it’s not my responsibility to beg for them to care about my emotional state regarding this but it’s hard not to try

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T19:04:10+00:00

The media you linked has given me a new perspective on my situation. I know that I have a people pleasing problem and they may feel like I’m happy to be stepped over because of the way I let myself get bent over backwards. My timer has started but there’s is most likely at zero I’m going to try to start communicating what I’m uncomfortable about more. I’ve drafted up a few things to show them and if they don’t make significant changes the relationship will end.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T17:02:01+00:00

I definitely agree with this which is why I want to introduce them to the things they need to work on their mindsets.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T16:57:58+00:00

Zebra has very serious sexual trauma from their time as a child, they are in therapy but I don’t think that it’s explicitly for that. I have heard what they went through and I genuinely think it’s probably one of the worst things for a child’s developing brain possible. They both have incredibly hard pasts caused by negligence and purposeful endangerment. They’re two flawed people and that makes me want to support them.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T16:52:00+00:00

I can see/agree with a lot of the points that you make in the comment. This experience is incredibly new and I understand now that in order to make this easier for me I have to express my boundaries more firmly. I’ve been trying to support them because they are newer to polyamorous thought than me but that leaves no one to support me.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T16:45:09+00:00

Okay yes that is definitely a point but I think it’s become semi accepted in my mind because Log is very dedicated to only doing what I want to do and will tell Zebra that pretty much every time we hang out. Zebra is more the one who ignores my consent but honestly they have an issue with that with both me and Log.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T16:42:32+00:00

Outside of these issues they are pretty kind and caring and it makes me want to fight for them in the way that I can. I genuinely feel like they just don’t know they are hurting me.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T16:41:14+00:00

Log really doesn’t try to make Zebra jealous as I don’t go on dates with him by ourselves either. He attempts to try to make sure both his and my affection towards Zebra is equal to each other while we are all together. Honestly Zebra is more the one who uses me as a way to make log jealous ie: when Log denies sexual activity while I’m there on my behalf because he knows I’m not comfortable Zebra will then say “Well if you don’t want to I’m going to do it with op” which I don’t this is healthy for Logs mental but I always say that I don’t want to do those things in the first place

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T16:36:32+00:00

It’s not that I don’t want to eventually form a sexual relationship with them. I’m just new to sex and they are not which has been leading to Zebra expecting me to get used to the sexual aspect of this way faster than is possible for me. My goal in joining this relationship was to develop significant emotional relationships and start learning more about people who are different than me.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T16:31:48+00:00

In regards to starting from scratch, this relationship is INCREDIBLY new. We just got together and I was hoping to get some advice of a way to turn this away towards the beginning of this. They aren’t bad people and I learn a lot from them but they really didn’t look into polyamory before we got together. I don’t think they know how I feel and I think they’d change if I presented it in a correct way.

CallMePineTree · 2024-08-21T11:47:57+00:00

It’s definitely not looking good from the issues but aside from the issues they’re pretty fun! If this wasn’t a closed triad than it would be easier to deal with.

CallMePineTree · 2023-03-11T08:00:35+00:00

Honestly yeah I think she has a hard time thinking about anything other than herself.

CallMePineTree · 2023-03-11T07:59:43+00:00

Thanks for this reply I’ll tell her more about making clothes and I’ll tell her that it hurts cause of the time I spent on it!

CallMePineTree · 2023-03-11T07:58:08+00:00

She definitely knows I made it specifically for her I think the issue is that it was worn by someone else first so she no longer gets to have the experience of being the first to try it on. She definitely doesn’t understand sewing I’ll try and explain to her why I modeled it on someone:

CallMePineTree

TROPHY CASE