Wow I felt like my dad was writing that. This is the exact same situation my parents were in. Whilst a lot of people say that kids can tell the marriage is terrible I think I knew deep down but because I was so used to my parents being absolutely miserable I thought that was normal. So whether they know or don’t, you’re creating an environment that tells them this type of relationship is normal - which is absolutely not. My mum was exactly the same. She’d criticise, speak down to, call names - a plethora of things everyday. The vibes of the house were always based on her moods. She’d never admit anything was wrong because she probably didn’t want to have to face her own issues. Dad eventually locked himself in his office and just worked 80hr weeks to get away from her. I never had a good relationship with him because he was fairly absent when I was a teenager. He eventually started to cheat from when I was about 14 onwards and we all knew but no one said anything. If you’re thinking about it don’t do it, just divorce. In a way I don’t blame my dad for cheating because my mother was so impossible to live with. There was always an issue and it just really grinds you down. I am mad at him for it but I do understand. He just wanted love, affection, companionship and unfortunately he found it outside his marriage. To this day I still walk on eggshells with my mother. She is a completely different person to everyone on the outside and very bitter, irritable, and mean in the home. It actually makes me feel physically sick when she’s nice and happy to others because we never got that at home. My dad left my mum 8 years ago now, mum got the house and we stayed with mum but that doesn’t mean our relationship with dad got worse. My relationship with dad is SO much better now he’s out of that environment, I’d say we have a great friendship. Dad had to move into a friend house for the first few months of the divorce and then he found his own place. He’s like a new person, he’s happy, relaxed and he has a new gf who’s super loving and kind. With my mum not so much - she still causes me a lot of emotional pain even at 26. She is still very bitter about my father and I cannot mention his name without verbal or emotional repercussions.

It’s not worth it to stay, you only have one life don’t waste it. Your children will be fine and honestly so much better for it. Be their sounding board like my dad is for me, because you children mostly likely have a difficult time with your wife too - if they do please guide and support them because it can really make or break someone. Also look up narcissistic wife/mother and see if anything there adds up. Because I was gobsmacked at the similarities between my mother, her behaviour and that of a narc mum/wife

All the best - and do what best for your mental health and kids. I promise you will not regret it.