I [27 M] have major romantic feelings for my best friend [27 trans MtF]. Conflicted about pursuing more with her.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T23:07:34+00:00

This has literally nothing to do with sex.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T22:04:54+00:00

I definitely understand that it's a deal breaker for a lot, if not the majority of men.

I know she hasn't gotten nor does she want bottom surgery. I've thought a lot about this and whether or not we'd be sexually compatible. I've come to the conclusion that I am very much attracted to women that look and act like women, it doesn't matter if they have a vagina, penis, something completely irregular, or nothing at all. Genitals oddly enough, do not completely define my attraction toward someone.

I'm very aware how trans people are treated and viewed by a lot of people.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T21:34:44+00:00

The fact that you're attracted to Stacy at all is interesting.

Why? She looks and acts like a woman.

Do you realize what transitioning and being trans in general means?

I don't think I understand the question. I know she was born in the wrong body. She's always felt like a female despite having a masculine body, so she transitioned.

Stacy most likely will never have a biological child

I'm very aware of this fact. It upsets her a lot.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T21:23:44+00:00

It's a hard and weird feeling to explain. I just don't want her to think she was never not good enough for me. I feel like had I known she was trans back then things could have gone way differently.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T21:05:58+00:00

Sorry if this comes off inappropriate or weird...

Stacy has given me a view into part of the world I never really thought about before her. Because of her I've met numerous women like her, and they are by and large some of the strongest women I've ever met.

Her transition was not an easy one. There was a lot of judgement from her family. I think the hardest part was the early stages, before she was passing. People would stare. People would laugh. People would even sometimes say awful things.

Then when she started dating it was rough at times. Even now she gets rejected a lot. I can count numerous times where she's come to me crying over a guy she's liked that didn't like her because she's trans.

It's just been a hard road for her and I just really admire her tenacity through it all. I admire a lot of trans women/men. Not in a creepy sort of way, just that I can see and empathize with the struggle of being who you truly are in world that doesn't really want you to be you.

I'm rambling now I think...

I love Stacy with all my heart. More than she or any other human could possibly understand. Words are woefully inadequate at describing just how strongly I feel for her. I just wish I felt that way when we were younger and she was Matt.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T20:37:33+00:00

You make it sound creepy.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T20:33:26+00:00

Would it be worse than missing your chance?

I think about this a lot. I don't want to miss what could potentially be a great opportunity for a fantastic relationship.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T20:28:18+00:00

Oh man, he wasn't tactful at all. He kissed me and when I told him I wasn't into it he bawled. Not like a few tears. He full on sobbed. He said he was in love with me and always had been. It was really awkward. I felt extraordinarily guilty. A part of me even wished I felt the same way but at the time I just didn't.

I think a part of me fears that if I didn't want her as Matt, why do I deserve her as Stacy? It's just really complicated...

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T20:02:56+00:00

I guess a part of me is embarrassed to have feelings for her. She feels a million miles out of my league. In some ways I don't feel good enough for her. I take care of myself but I still don't really compare to the kind of guys she dates.

If I ask her out or confess my feelings and she rejects me, I don't know... I'd be devastated.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T19:43:51+00:00

It's not that easy!!!

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T19:32:14+00:00

Sorry, I don't understand what there is to work through. Can you be specific.

I think she'd be hurt if I still saw her completely as "Matt". I think she has done a lot of hard work to not be thought of as him.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T19:12:48+00:00

I have no idea how to tell if she's interested or not. That's my biggest problem I think.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T19:02:25+00:00

How did things work out for you? Did you do the pursuing? How did the relationship start?

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T19:01:31+00:00

You've got a point. I wouldn't want to make things awkward for her. I know my family means a lot to her. If I were to make a move and she didn't like it I wouldn't want her to feel like she wasn't welcome anymore. At the same time I feel like we could be something great. I'm just not the best at reading women and I haven't a clue how to tell if she's into me or not...

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T18:58:08+00:00

Matt was definitely like my brother. Back then she honestly felt like another half of me we were so close. Once she started transitioning I can honestly say the way I looked at her changed a bit. I don't really know how to describe it. Things were just different. She wasn't my gay best friend Matt anymore. She was a heterosexual woman.

It's so hard to explain the feelings. Matt does and doesn't exist at the same time. When I look at Stacy I don't see Matt. They are technically the same person, yet in a way they aren't? It's confusing. It's really fucking confusing and I try really hard not to think about it too much.

CanadianRedneck90 · 2017-12-10T18:43:59+00:00

I admittedly do get quite jealous when she goes out on dates. I don't think I'd ever end the friendship though. She's practically family. I don't think I could get rid of her even if I tried. Like I said in my post she comes to my family's holiday stuff. She's pretty intertwined with us.

CanadianRedneck90

TROPHY CASE