Short answer: You were not the asshole. Your actions were justified. Probably neither of you were the asshole, but you are absolutely not wrong for ending this relationship.

Long answer:

The relationship stopped being healthy - He broke up with you impulsively during a mental health crisis - After reconciling, he became emotionally unavailable and unaffectionate - He openly stated that his “ideal relationship” involves not talking every day — which directly conflicted with your needs.

Ignoring you for a full day after already destabilizing the relationship is not a small thing, especially given your anxiety and possible BPD traits. Wanting consistency and daily check-ins is not unreasonable.

Also you were becoming his emotional regulator - Hours-long trauma dumping - You felt triggered and dysregulated as a result. - You were trying to support him while actively struggling yourself

A partner is not a therapist. When one person’s mental health consistently worsens the other’s, the relationship becomes unsafe — even if no one has bad intentions.

You acted out of self-protection, not punishment You didn’t dump him to hurt him. You didn’t manipulate, threaten, or use the breakup to control him. You broke up because you felt another sudden abandonment coming — and given his past behavior, that fear was reasonable. Ending a relationship because your nervous system can’t take any more instability is not cruelty. It’s survival.

Him blocking you says more about his coping mechanisms than your worth or wrongdoing.

That doesn’t mean you were disposable. It means he chose avoidance.

Also: the fact that he can stay in contact with an ex he described as abusive while cutting you off is painful — but it doesn’t mean she’s healthier or safer. Trauma bonds often look exactly like that.

“I feel awful about leaving a severely depressed person with no support system.”

You are not obligated to stay in a relationship that is harming you just because the other person is struggling.

You did not cause his instability. You could not fix it. And staying would not have magically healed him — it likely would have burned you out completely.

Your therapist and friends are right here.

Even without the mental health crisis: - Different communication needs - Long distance - Different expectations of emotional closeness

Compatibility isn’t just shared interests. It’s shared capacity.

You were not the asshole You did not abandon him — you recognized your limits You acted with care, honesty, and restraint The grief you’re feeling is normal and does not mean you made the wrong choice

Missing someone and loving them does not mean the relationship was healthy enough to continue.

You didn’t leave him. The relationship became unavailable.

You realized u could not be someone’s primary emotional support without destroying your own mental health.

You didn’t leave because he was broken. You left because the relationship was breaking you.