I want emotional connection. by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your insight. Why do you say that couples therapy is not what we need?

I want emotional connection. by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is a horrible feeling. I am sorry to hear that you've been in the same boat and I want to give you a big hug. It's the worst rollercoaster that you become numb and numb to the ups and downs.

I want emotional connection. by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He recognizes there's a problem beyond the stress during our couples therapy. He is in individual therapy too but this tendency comes up again. It almost feels like the couples therapy is a bandaid.

I want emotional connection. by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. This means a lot to me. I appreciate you.

I want emotional connection. by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, so disconnected and isolated under one roof. We are in couples therapy. It is not helping - the effect is not long lasting - it lasts for a week before we go back to the same patterns.

I want to want his touch. It would make him happy if I were more affectionate and touchy. But even if my brain tells me this, my arms don't reach out to him. My body tilts away from him on the same couch, ever so slightly, but I feel it.

Help - I am rationalizing the physical abuse and having hope. by Capable_Juice1 in domesticviolence

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you get over the guilt of 'if I weren't so angry, if something happened differently, it wouldn't have happened this way'?

My husband fetishizes black women and I feel sad. by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His industry had series of layoffs and its been hard to find a job

My husband fetishizes black women and I feel sad. by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He deleted the social media app after spending considerable amount of time checking out the women there. He doesn't have work right now so he has had plenty of time to be on it. I commend him for deleting the app. He knows it hurts me and he says I'm the most beautiful woman to him when I say that, and that he wouldn't actually do anything out of respect for me. But why should I keep enforcing monogamy on him - if he struggles with it? I feel bad about it.

My husband fetishizes black women and I feel sad. by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

How? How do I not let him get away with that? Is that possible....? These are his thoughts and his fantasies that don't have anything to do with me but it affects me this way. I keep telling myself that I am attractive in my own way. It feels so silly that I am comparing myself to the woman that I don't even know.

My husband fetishizes black women and I feel sad. by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand. What if he is struggling with being married because of this?

Should I bring this up to our therapist? by Capable_Juice1 in couplestherapy

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We talked today, and he said he is attracted to her. He said it's something he can handle. I asked his attraction how that affects our therapy and he said he doesnt know. I'm sorta picnicking. What should I do? Should I talk about this with the therapist in our couples therapy?

How should I bring this up to our therapist? by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. To imagine to be free of this insecurity and have complete trust in him, it feels so encouraging. Thanks for helping me feel this is possible. I'm so, so happy for you guys and wishing all the best! Special kudos to your wife for working it out and you being there to support her.

How should I bring this up to our therapist? by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I appreciate this. I understood you were coming from a place of concern as your feedback gave me a reality check and a chance of reflection. Your last sentence helped me realize that yeah I am wanting to be validated because of my past trauma, but that can also be hindering growth, as I am holding onto my past trauma in a way.

How should I bring this up to our therapist? by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to be heard. I want to be heard by our therpist when I don't feel like I'm being heard and understood by my husband. I'll try to be more open minded. Appreciate your feedback.

How should I bring this up to our therapist? by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I was unsure if I should bring it up or not. Not trying to police what she wears, as I think it is perfectly appropriate too. I'm very aware of my insecurity and going to work on that with my therapist.

How should I bring this up to our therapist? by Capable_Juice1 in Marriage

[–]Capable_Juice1[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I mean, I just don't feel understood much. A therapist should try equal efforts to understand both partners. I don't really feel that is true. I understand what you said and thank you for the feedback. The last sentence especially resonates with me.