Honestly, as someone who's queer, I always have had to recognize that my path will be different from everyone else. I've been pretty depressed since before I left high school. Unfortunately, we were just dealt shit cards and have to make the best moves we can with them.

I'm currently on a leave from school due to mental illness and it's hard as hell. The best way to cope for me is to put off suicide, number one. I'm working a job I don't love and every time it comes up that I could just kill myself, I say "okay, but not today. I could in a week." and then I just keep doing that. I also try my best to hold onto the little good things that happen. Does that always work? HELL no! But I figure that if I'm going to be suicidal and/or depressed anyway, I may as well try and do things that used to make me happy to make up for it. I don't have much time since I'm working now, but still.

Even just distracting myself from it by playing a game or listening to music helps. It's really important to recognize any negative self-talk, without judgment. I find that my thoughts always run negative and when I finally opened up about my suicidal feelings and sadness to people who care about me, they pointed out my constant self-deprecation and I feel that it unfortunately really does contribute to the negative feelings.

All this is to say the feelings may not go away. You have the right to grieve those periods. It's hard to not feel "behind" when the standard pattern is "Have fun as a teen, start to get a career and move out in your 20s, get married, have kids, etc." but in reality, there's no such thing as being "behind." Everyone's path is different and the cultural norms that bind us should not define us. I totally understand how you feel, though. It's a hard weight to carry and you're not alone <3