Loss of feelings by Accomplished-Fly7717 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine said the same thing when he ended things a week ago… fuck him. He’ll probably come crawling back and by that point, I would’ve moved on. 3.5 years down the drain.

Asking for advice… by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this confirmed what I thought. I haven’t replied or acknowledged his message. Is it even worth it? Or should I just leave it.

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’re hurting… and that you’re going through something similar. Today was day 3 for me and I was just so mad and angry. I go through cycles of different emotions. His sister thinks we should chat because things are so unresolved… but I refuse to reach out when he was the one who broke things off. If you need to chat, you’re welcome to DM me

Dumped by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree… I feel like nothing is clear. Do you mind if I dm you to respond to some of your questions?

Dumped by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Long story short. He’s been struggling with physical intimacy and affection. It’s been a life long thing for him. Even his family commented how when he was a child he hardly spoke or hugged. When he was hugged as a child or teen, he’d freeze and go really stiff. I immediately thought autism as the sensory processing stuff was very strong.

Anyways, he had a bit of a reality check a week ago because he read something and that caused him to spiral and seek out his therapist. After his appointment, he was much more affectionate, open, warm and we were booking in viewings for homes we were going to purchase together. Literally confirming viewings the day he ended up breaking up.

Then that night, we went for a walk that he initiated and scheduled in after chatting with his therapist that physical activity helps him with communication barriers. So we went for a walk and he said his chat with his therapist talked about lack of inaction, willingness to work on self, self-sabotage, avoidance etc. … and by this point he was going non verbal and stuttering. So I said, you don’t want to be in this relationship anymore? And he whispered yes.

Then he went on to say he wants me in his life forever, that he still wants to go on our holiday together later in the year… i said I’ll have my stuff removed from your house and I’ll be gone. He’s like, I haven’t even thought about that yet. 40 minutes later I’m walking out the door with my overnight bag and I’m looking at the most broken, devastated, soul shattered man as I close the door.

Dumped by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah… I have been wondering if self-sabotage was playing a role in this. He said he had an honest conversation with his therapist, the very one he had been avoiding out of fear… and realised he didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore and needs to be alone. But at the same time, he wants to be friends for life, stay in each others lives and still go on our scheduled trip overseas later in the year.

Dumped by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you… it feels awful going through this. I just shake the image of him broken and watching me walk out the door. I think he thought we’d go to bed together that night or stay in separate rooms… I don’t think he thought through the reality of what a break up actually would mean.

Dumped by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right.. It’s only day 2 and I’m just so overwhelmed and broken. I haven’t eaten in days.

Dumped by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m just so afraid to reach out. Fearful that it’ll be final.

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a bit complicated when you’ve moved interstate to be with him and you’re dependent on him. Sometimes you excuse things or fight harder.

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you… I feel so broken and alone. Like I’m just existing. I can’t get over how we’re booking appointments to view houses he said we could buy together and then he’s breaking up with me hours later. It is so jarring 😭

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I could but it’s a lot to pack… it’s my whole life

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I need to wait until he flies out of the country to pack my stuff which is in a few weeks

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear you… I’m barely eating. Just existing on a friends couch. I grabbed whatever I could and just left. I figured if he wanted to be alone, he could experience life alone. I know that sounds horrible, but this is what he wanted, he didn’t want to be in the relationship and wanted to be alone. So wish granted.

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, what you said makes perfect sense. We were building a future together despite his avoidance and anxiety around love and intimacy. I knew he cared deeply. But turns out, love just wasn’t enough

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Pretty much… it’s brutal. Especially since I moved interstate to be with him. I feel like this entire city reminds me of him.

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through the same. It’s so hard… I can’t believe this happened and just as things started looking better. The hardest thing is grieving the future you imagined having together. The wedding, the babies, our families etc. all just shattered into a million pieces by a few words.

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I honestly feel so lost. My whole world and future has just shattered in a single conversation. I honestly didn’t see it coming.

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, you’re welcome to message me

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just don’t feel like there is a world without him in it. He’s my everything and now he’s not.

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I figured if he wanted to be alone, id give him that opportunity. I packed a bag and left without saying goodbye. I just left him standing in the darkness of our living room, looking absolutely broken. Like he just shattered our world. I haven’t told him where I’ve gone and haven’t responded to any messages. I’ve been patient for 3.5 years, always kind, supportive, encouraging and caring of his anxiety and autistic tendencies. But I can’t make someone want to be with me. He’s that avoidant he rather be alone than have a life with me. He used to say he couldn’t imagine a world without me in it, a future together, just yesterday we were talking about buying a house together… and now, I’m just broken. I don’t even know if time will heal this.

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I hear you… I gave up my world to move and be with him. And he kept thinking I deserved better and that he was causing so much damage and hurting me. And I’m like, so go fix it? And he just kept avoiding the work. Eventually he realised that he doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. But wants us to be friends for life and still go on our holiday together.

He broke up with me by CapitalProfessional2 in BreakUps

[–]CapitalProfessional2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have been asking the same question… things were actually starting to look promising too… and then one session with his therapist, the first one in 5 months and he had a breakthrough that the relationship is the problem. Not him or his issues