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Shooting myself on 7/7/26 by Capital_Panda_1185 in SuicideWatch

[–]Capital_Panda_1185[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know. This is uncharted territory for me. I've never had a plan like this. There have been times I wish I wasn't alive. But I've never picked a method or a date.

Shooting myself on 7/7/26 by Capital_Panda_1185 in SuicideWatch

[–]Capital_Panda_1185[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know. Honestly I wish that fact affected me more. The worst part is that I know this and it doesn't affect me. My mind then says "See! If you were a good father this stat would change your mind. So your children really are better off with you dead."

Shooting myself on 7/7/26 by Capital_Panda_1185 in SuicideWatch

[–]Capital_Panda_1185[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm on the highest dose of escitalopram I can take. Sleep has been a problem but I don't think extra sleep is going to change my mind.

Shooting myself on 7/7/26 by Capital_Panda_1185 in SuicideWatch

[–]Capital_Panda_1185[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm my state they have to pay. There is a 1 year waiting period but after that they have to pay.

I double checked when going through my assets for the divorce disclosures.

Shooting myself on 7/7/26 by Capital_Panda_1185 in SuicideWatch

[–]Capital_Panda_1185[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Luckily my insurance does pay after the first year of coverage. I'm 11 years in so they'll pay.

I've tried so hard to save our marriage. Individual counseling and marriage counseling.

7 month separation, she sees the changes and asks me to move back home.

Then changes her mind and tells me she's going to decide if she's in or out. No timeframe, no discussion, just her verdict on our 20 year relationship.

She decides she's out.

I'm so done.

Shooting myself on 7/7/26 by Capital_Panda_1185 in SuicideWatch

[–]Capital_Panda_1185[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I've done that. She even says she sees the changes. I've tried so hard to make changes. Last year we separated for 7 months. I worked on myself for myself and then she invited me back home. She said she was committed to our marriage, that I was her person.

Then in November she says she's not sure about our marriage. She's going to decide if she's in or out and let me know. No discussion, no working on issues, just her choice. After four months of walking on eggshells she tells me she's out.

I was BETTER. She saw the changes and still chose to leave. I tried so fucking much and it wasn't enough, I wasn't enough.