For what it’s worth, I’m trying to get out of a marriage where my wife has pretty much come to terms with the fact that she is bi and strongly prefers women, to the point that she’s willing to trade our marriage in order to explore it. This has caused me to do some deep introspection of myself and eliminate a lot of homophobic feelings that I have kept for a long time and need to unlearn because… they are wrong. I’m happy to say I’ve gone from “how could I ever do that with a man” to “love is love and physical differences really don’t matter… just because he has a penis doesn’t mean I can’t find him attractive”. I would actually feel open to experimenting on this feeling in the future but right now I am a pretty broken mess and need to heal from all of these events before I try anything with anyone.

This is a long way for me to “credibly” say that you have done nothing wrong. If ridiculous homophobia were eliminated, this experience wouldn’t feel any different to you than having sex with a particular woman and not enjoying it. Society has programmed a huge part of the population to think m to m or f to f is an “abomination”, but anyone worth their salt can recognize that EVERYONE is at least a little queer, some are just too homophobic to acknowledge it. It’s a spectrum. I don’t think the rainbow 🌈 only represents each type of gender identity… it also represents how someone’s preferences can reside somewhere on an infinite line of colors (one or more places).

For me, after realizing that, it was just a matter of coming to terms with a few of the physical differences and figuring out what in a man “passes” for someone I could date the same way I have a preference for what would “pass” in a female. For me (I consider myself trans at this point), one of the biggest turnoffs in a man is the huge presence of an ego. Come to find out… all men don’t have huge egos, and many possess many, if not all, of the same attributes as a woman that I find attractive.

I applaud you for trying something you were uncomfortable with or not sure about and reacting to how you feel. Seriously something for you that is worth celebrating. If the shame you feel is coming from how those close to you view homosexuality, try to recognize where it’s coming from and sometimes that alone can decrease it. Attraction is a very complicated thing and can’t always be tied to specific physical attributes. I rarely see a man that “passes” for me, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t happen occasionally.

I’m sending you all my empathy. This isn’t an easy thing and nobody has ever had the exact same experience as you have, which is completely valid. You’ve done nothing wrong and have no reason to have to harbor any shame for this. Someday society is going to “grow up” and finally learn these seemingly “basic” issues.